Kill Bill...Asking wife to dump BF?!?!

[Samanthasman]

Amazing that it took an hour to end it. What is there to explain in an hour?

Sam - Hubby said we have to end this and it is permanent, no going back we are over. I am sorry but that is the way it is.
Bill - What do you mean ?
Sam - It is over, Ende, Finito, kaputt.
Bill - Does that mean we are finished?
Sam - Yes
Bill - Are you sure?
Sam - For fucks sake is this going to take all night to explain this to you?
Bill - I just don't get it
Sam - I should have finished with you ages ago you are such a dumb ass, I can't beat this into you with a baseball bat.
Bill - Is this what you really want?
Sam - Fucking hell man, put the god damn phone down, we are over.
Bill - No you first

Exit phone calls are five minutes. This ain't over, even if she thinks it is. You may have preesed stop and Bill reads pause. His next phase is bugging or stalking.

How do I know this. Because I have been in the lifestyle for years and when a man who has been fucking your brains out and back in again gets told that he has dumped his last load on you and he was not expecting it, no matter who he is, he won't take it lightly.

Does she have the resolve to see it through, he will be on this chasing her within 7 days. I would like to be wrong on this but I know people.

Well, I'm not sure. He is an interesting guy. From the start he said he knew it was what it was and expects it to end at some point. I tried, and frankly he tried to keep it going by making it more inclusive and transparent, and Samantha did not want that. He may well respect things enough to let go, and go on his way. If not - what would you recommend?

This whole situation is sad. Samantha and Bill you might say are getting punished for liking each other too much. Yes, mistakes were made and the relationship pushed over my "limit" for what I felt comfortable with, but in the end the problem was that Samantha met someone she liked too much and that is why she had to break up.

I mad in some ways at her for mid-managing the relationship and me, and she is actually mad at herself for the same thing. She actually admits that this was her fault.

[inkofconfusion]

well man it was a tough decision but like what some said, we didn't think the cuckolding or hotwifing wasnt going down the healthy path. From now you could really make up to her make the most out of your time until youre ready to continue,(with a different bf for your wife of course).

well I would be more threatened if Bill is persuasive and may get your wife to cheat on ya. But in this case, if he doesnt respect the decision and not let this go easily, be the man and protect your wife an dyour marriage, and I believe if your wife has genuinely ended it on good terms, she should make a stand too.

cheers

[xxfreak]

Ok. I have only really posted about my situation so far which isn't much of a situation to speak of.

I feel compelled to speak on this for some reason.

Look feelings are feelings. They do not have to be explained. The first rule of all of this for any married couple is "we" are first and everything else is second. At least that's what I thought from all the posts I have read over a decade or more.

That's it. If you love each other first than there is no explaining or thinking or anything. If one does not like then that is that and that is all. DONE!. She doesn't need to explain when she does not want to fuck someone or see someone and you don't have to explain why you do not want her to fuck someone or see someone. No is reason enough. Everything is agreed on. Unless this is true Cuck which is different to which I can't exactly speak on.

[sidestreet]

Bit late now, but for posterity; I feel like the conversation to Bill should have been your wife saying "we have decided that it is time to end this". It needs to be a joint thing and not placing blame on you. By shifting blame Bill immediately has an 'in' to come back later and try to talk her into seeing him again. If it's either her decision, or a joint decision, there is less avenue for that.

This is something you get into together, and in this situation I think placing blame on you for why it ends (ie: mys husband has decided he wants us to end) is going to cause trouble later.

[MrsTruckstar]

Amazing that it took an hour to end it. What is there to explain in an hour?

Sam - Hubby said we have to end this and it is permanent, no going back we are over. I am sorry
Bill - Are you sure?
Sam -
.....:....

Exit phone calls are five minutes. This ain't over, even if she thinks it is. You may have preesed stop and Bill reads pause. His next phase is bugging or stalking.

How do I know this. Because I have been in the lifestyle for years and when a man who has been fucking your brains out and back in again gets told that he has dumped his last load on you and he was not expecting it, no matter who he is, he won't take it lightly.

Does she have the resolve to see it through, he will be on this chasing her within 7 days. I would like to be wrong on this but I know people.

I'd tend to disagree. My first breakup call was over an hour and it was something that I genuinely wanted to do since the relationship wasn't meeting my needs. When there's emotions involved, it's still painful.

Hugs to Sam and Sam'sman.

SSQ Am I surprised you disagree with me? Of course not. You and me are chalk and cheese. Just like your situation and Sam's

In yours, you were ending it because it did not meet your needs. Then an hour is a pretty good achievement

In Sam's case it is because the husband wanted it over, not Sam. So the long explanation and the can we meet one last time will (without a doubt) confirm to Bill that she does not want it to end. However she is (quite rightly) running her husband's wish.

You were ending yours for your "open and honest" reasons and the controlled exit is a good thing.

Samantha has already lied before, showing some deceit. Of course she will have said it is hubby's decision. However the point being is Sam should have been clinical, direct even.

It maybe enough but I doubt it. It all seemed too intense to end that way. Time will tell.

[ThePunter58]

Now I feel stupid for sending you a pm before I read this post
But you did what you considered had to be done, and I really like your reasoning about the insurance policy. That is life, we will almost never know in advance if our decisions are right, regarding hotwifing, work, family, business or any other subject in life, but we have to trust our instincts and experience and follow that.
I hope you made the right decision and that Samantha will get over him relatively quickly.

[Samanthasman]

Amazing that it took an hour to end it. What is there to explain in an hour?

Sam - Hubby said we have to end this and it is permanent, no going back we are over. I am sorry
Bill - Are you sure?
Sam -
.....:....

Exit phone calls are five minutes. This ain't over, even if she thinks it is. You may have preesed stop and Bill reads pause. His next phase is bugging or stalking.

How do I know this. Because I have been in the lifestyle for years and when a man who has been fucking your brains out and back in again gets told that he has dumped his last load on you and he was not expecting it, no matter who he is, he won't take it lightly.

Does she have the resolve to see it through, he will be on this chasing her within 7 days. I would like to be wrong on this but I know people.

I'd tend to disagree. My first breakup call was over an hour and it was something that I genuinely wanted to do since the relationship wasn't meeting my needs. When there's emotions involved, it's still painful.

Hugs to Sam and Sam'sman.

SSQ Am I surprised you disagree with me? Of course not. You and me are chalk and cheese. Just like your situation and Sam's

In yours, you were ending it because it did not meet your needs. Then an hour is a pretty good achievement

In Sam's case it is because the husband wanted it over, not Sam. So the long explanation and the can we meet one last time will (without a doubt) confirm to Bill that she does not want it to end. However she is (quite rightly) running her husband's wish.

You were ending yours for your "open and honest" reasons and the controlled exit is a good thing.

Samantha has already lied before, showing some deceit. Of course she will have said it is hubby's decision. However the point being is Sam should have been clinical, direct even.

It maybe enough but I doubt it. It all seemed too intense to end that way. Time will tell.

She was always honest about caring for the guy. That was not a secret. When you care for someone you don't say "I'm just calling to say fuck you and good by!". Although I was not on the call, yes, I'd bet she told him the truth that she did not want to break up and I did. It is what it is.

So, no matter how this was going to end, he's going to know she did not want it to end. Even if she had lied and said "I've decided I don't want to see you... Or my husband and I have decided..." It would be obvious based on their relationship that she did not want this. You don't passionately kiss and fuck a person one day and coldly dump them the next based on your own desires.

I do know that Bill was very upset, but not totally shocked. He had expected it to end several times before. Every time I expressed concern, he told her "I continuously wonder if this will be the last time I ever see you". After the "lie" incident, he did not know if he would see her again - they split for two weeks and he dove into his work and the gym, etc. to help push her out of his mind. He did not know if he would see her again.

When she called him the first day (5 min call), by the way, she did tell me that Bill's first reaction was to ask if I was going to call his wife and did he have anything to worry about from me? Samantha was actually a little hurt that this was Bill's initial reaction - concern for himself - rather than concern for her or them.

So, yes, as expected everyone is hurting. I'm even pissed at Samantha for letting it play out like this (and I've told her that). She takes the blame. Oh course like every dumped lover Bill is upset and hurting. I'm sure he would like to keep seeing her and she him. It is what it is.

[tellmeall]

Good luck. I hope it all works out.

[old folks]

I read each word in this thread. It reminded me of a rough time in my past. There is no advice for me to give you. Each person is different and their ways of handling things are different. Also those offering advice may not be privy to all that is going on in the background.

While I do not offer advice, I will say what happened to me,

Back in 1966, I was married to a girl named Edith. We had gone to college together and had many swaps with other couples as well as some threesomes. She was also able to go solo and she sometimes did so.

Our marriage was open, hot and full of excitement. We had it all, nice home, luxury convertibles, nice boat, great income, two kids and life was good.

Then we met a guy from southern AL that was in the military and stationed at a nearby base. He rocked her world. The guy was hung like a horse, has the staying power of a boxer and unfortunately, he and his wife moved close to us.

She started seeing him 2-3 times a week. Then began staying out of town with him when he went TDY. It got to be they talked for hours on the phone daily.

We began having disputes about him. She was caught with him when she was supposed to be taking the kids to a birthday party. Finally I had enough and told her it was either him or me. She took about two hours of talking to him trying to make the breakup easier.

Three weeks later, she was in a motel with him when she was supposed to be at her mothers. Another flare up and the dishonesty was at the forefront. Months later, she was caught again. More lies and more excuses.

FInally, he left his wife and they moved in together. Two months later, he was caught with another woman on base, in a restricted area and was booted out of the military. They moved off. A year later, she wanted the kids back and moved home. Things were never the same and the marriage finally collapsed. She passed away about four years later from cancer. My life was never the same after her lies to cover meeting the guy behind my back. I never could trust her again. When someone tells me they did not see someone when they did, it is more to it than seeing them in passing. No need to lie about that.

Yes I miss my first wife. She was the woman of my dreams. But she was a cheat and so hung up on one man while wanting to have her cake and eat it too.

[zorro]

Yes. Deceit is inimical to successful hotwifing. Sharing your wife does not break up marriages -- or at least threaten them. Mistrust does.

Any woman who enters this lifestyle has to be committed to being open about what she is doing or things will likely go awry. I don't think it was a coincidence that Samanthasman decided to "kill Bill" after his wife started concealing her contacts. It wasn't the cause of the dissolution of the HW relationship, but it was likely the straw that broke the camel's back. Take a cup of male insecurity and add deceit:
The result is a frothy mess.

I guess I am saying that the price of freedom is responsibility, commitment to transparency, and consideration of the spouse's feelings.

[Samanthasman]

Yes, you are correct Z, the lie, although a small one, was the straw that broke the camels back.

She's knows this as well. She feels terrible for mismanaging this relationship and making mistakes that lead to its termination. She accepts the blame.

In life we all make mistakes. Hopefully we learn from them as we move forward.

[MrsTruckstar]

No need to requote my stuff, it gets tiedious when there is big quotes, so if anybody wants to read it, it is up there ^^^^^^^^ Somewhere

She was always honest about caring for the guy. That was not a secret. When you care for someone you don't say "I'm just calling to say fuck you and good by!". Although I was not on the call, yes, I'd bet she told him the truth that she did not want to break up and I did. It is what it is. There you go again defending her. Remember we can only comment on what we read.

So, no matter how this was going to end, he's going to know she did not want it to end. Even if she had lied and said "I've decided I don't want to see you... Or my husband and I have decided..." It would be obvious based on their relationship that she did not want this. You don't passionately kiss and fuck a person one day and coldly dump them the next based on your own desires. Really and you base that assumption on what. People do that all the time, maybe not you but people do.

I do know that Bill was very upset, but not totally shocked. He had expected it to end several times before. Every time I expressed concern, he told her "I continuously wonder if this will be the last time I ever see you". After the "lie" incident, he did not know if he would see her again - they split for two weeks and he dove into his work and the gym, etc. to help push her out of his mind. He did not know if he would see her again.

When she called him the first day (5 min call), Bingo.... by the way, she did tell me that Bill's first reaction was to ask if I was going to call his wife and did he have anything to worry about from me? Samantha was actually a little hurt that this was Bill's initial reaction - concern for himself - rather than concern for her or them. It is actually a perfectly normal reaction, this train is off the track now, what is the potential damage to me and others, in that order. Followed quickly by how can I limit that damage, to me first and then others.

So, yes, as expected everyone is hurting. I'm even pissed at Samantha for letting it play out like this (and I've told her that). She takes the blame. Oh course like every dumped lover Bill is upset and hurting. I'm sure he would like to keep seeing her and she him. It is what it is.

She could have said, Bill my husband and I have been talking, it is a mutual decision, I am going to no longer see you. It has been a blast, it always had a shelf life. I made a few irreparable errors that unfortunately made you the casualty in all this. I have learnt from this and my next adventure with my next lover will be managed better. I thank you for the good times. You were FAB.

IMHO and Experience, if there is a second and subsequent call(s) it is not over. Of course you are all hurting. She loved that guy in all but words.

[MyAznHW]

Yes, you are correct Z, the lie, although a small one, was the straw that broke the camels back.

She's knows this as well. She feels terrible for mismanaging this relationship and making mistakes that lead to its termination. She accepts the blame.

In life we all make mistakes. Hopefully we learn from them as we move forward.

Bingo! You and Samantha are very smart and to me more importantly very intelligent, street smart so to speak. What's good is you are both communicating about the Bill incident and owning responsibility where appropriate. It will be interesting to see where you go from here, when and if you jump back on the horse and how you grow and learn from those mistakes. I have a gut feel you will work it all out.

[Samanthasman]

No need to requote my stuff, it gets tiedious when there is big quotes, so if anybody wants to read it, it is up there ^^^^^^^^ Somewhere

She was always honest about caring for the guy. That was not a secret. When you care for someone you don't say "I'm just calling to say fuck you and good by!". Although I was not on the call, yes, I'd bet she told him the truth that she did not want to break up and I did. It is what it is. There you go again defending her. Remember we can only comment on what we read.

So, no matter how this was going to end, he's going to know she did not want it to end. Even if she had lied and said "I've decided I don't want to see you... Or my husband and I have decided..." It would be obvious based on their relationship that she did not want this. You don't passionately kiss and fuck a person one day and coldly dump them the next based on your own desires. Really and you base that assumption on what. People do that all the time, maybe not you but people do.

I do know that Bill was very upset, but not totally shocked. He had expected it to end several times before. Every time I expressed concern, he told her "I continuously wonder if this will be the last time I ever see you". After the "lie" incident, he did not know if he would see her again - they split for two weeks and he dove into his work and the gym, etc. to help push her out of his mind. He did not know if he would see her again.

When she called him the first day (5 min call), Bingo.... by the way, she did tell me that Bill's first reaction was to ask if I was going to call his wife and did he have anything to worry about from me? Samantha was actually a little hurt that this was Bill's initial reaction - concern for himself - rather than concern for her or them. It is actually a perfectly normal reaction, this train is off the track now, what is the potential damage to me and others, in that order. Followed quickly by how can I limit that damage, to me first and then others.

So, yes, as expected everyone is hurting. I'm even pissed at Samantha for letting it play out like this (and I've told her that). She takes the blame. Oh course like every dumped lover Bill is upset and hurting. I'm sure he would like to keep seeing her and she him. It is what it is.

She could have said, Bill my husband and I have been talking, it is a mutual decision, I am going to no longer see you. It has been a blast, it always had a shelf life. I made a few irreparable errors that unfortunately made you the casualty in all this. I have learnt from this and my next adventure with my next lover will be managed better. I thank you for the good times. You were FAB.

IMHO and Experience, if there is a second and subsequent call(s) it is not over. Of course you are all hurting. She loved that guy in all but words.

MrsT,
Of course it could have been handled that way, but she wanted to do it her way, and frankly I did not have a problem not directing my wife on how to break up with her BF.

Of course I'm always defending her. I love her by the way. I think she's pretty fucking fantastic even if some error were made. She admits she made mistakes.

I believe it's over, but of course many deeper relationship fade rather than disappear suddenly. She knows that seeing him would cross a line that has not been crossed before. It would be a big move. I don't think she would do that. She got burned crossing a little line before...

I've made my decision. It was executed.
What do you recommend to me for managing this next?

[luvMyHotwife]

I have two things to say about all of this. First, we have only heard one side of the story. We haven't heard from Sam, so I think its difficult for us to make judgements about your situation. Second, even though Sam said that you could decide whether she continues to see Bill, I would not have made that decision on my own. My wife and I have been able to reach a consensus on every important decision to be made by discussing the pros and cons of each side. That's what I was talking about above when I mentioned making your case. My wife is my intellectual equal, and we both sway each others opinions.

[hubbyshotwife]

let sam talk????

[MrsTruckstar]

......... I've made my decision. It was executed.
What do you recommend to me for managing this next?

Actually with regards to Bill there is nothing you can do except hope that he is a respectful Bull and goes with the flow. As to your wife, she will need a lot of support because in a few days, after the initial shock comes reality and that bites. Be there to cushion the fall.

She will want to call him, she must refrain. She needs also to tell you if he mails her, texts her. Even if it is a hi, I hope you are OK. Because contact is contact and opens the scar. Just my view, heck what do I know?

I understand you loving her but often when you berate something and somebody points it out you then protect her behaviour. I know you will do that - there you go. I actually think it is not over yet, then we only hear from you so the other side may be different.

[Samanthasman]

One thing I have done is written my wife a long letter telling her what has gone well and what has not with our HWing experience so far. For example, I never had any issues with several other sex partners.

In the letter I explain what could have and should have been done better that might have changed the result. It should have been more an us thing, she could have joined this forum (I encouraged her), she should have introduced us, she could have invited me to watch or MFM...

I made this list not to harp on the past, but to document lessons learned for the future so that mistakes are not made again. I'm not sure when to give it to her.

Frankly, I don't know if she still wants to be a HW. I'm letting the dust settle before bringing it up. She did have a date with Sid that she cancelled... She has not been playing on AM. She did mention that she would see James, a new guy she's been tracking, but not to sleep with him - only to see what he's like after talking for 2 months with him online (she never hS sex on first date).

Not sure yet if our HW days are over. I would be upset if they were.

[Iamtheman]

SM,
Not to be the Devil's Advocate, but have you considered talking to Bill? Everything that you've said about him so far, seems to show that he's been respectful. Your wife claims that he's "perfect" and says that she's to blame for the mismanagement. You've talked about his relationship with his wife and even questioned it, but never heard his take. If he was keeping a hot wife happy and your schedule filled with reclaim, why not sit at the table with him? You both sound like rational adults that might benefit from a bit of full disclosure. I know you said that Samantha would prefer to keep those world's separate. Maybe bringing some overlap can clear the depression and give you some peace of mind as to whether you're letting something "perfect" set sail.

[BallSpanking]

Hi, SM.
I can understand if she is glum and disappointed right now, I mean, poor baby she just lost the guy that has fucked her best in her life, but... once this episode recedes, she will probably be interested in resuming her HW activities.

[Samanthasman]

SM,
Not to be the Devil's Advocate, but have you considered talking to Bill? Everything that you've said about him so far, seems to show that he's been respectful. Your wife claims that he's "perfect" and says that she's to blame for the mismanagement. You've talked about his relationship with his wife and even questioned it, but never heard his take. If he was keeping a hot wife happy and your schedule filled with reclaim, why not sit at the table with him? You both sound like rational adults that might benefit from a bit of full disclosure. I know you said that Samantha would prefer to keep those world's separate. Maybe bringing some overlap can clear the depression and give you some peace of mind as to whether you're letting something "perfect" set sail.

I offered and Samantha refused. I don't have his phone number and it would be weird to call him at this point. It's done!

[zorro]

What do you recommend to me for managing this next?

Well, here I go again. I think you need to get and keep your eye on the ball: What do you want most to see happen with Samantha? If you want to deepen and repair the wounds to your relationship that this rift has brought, then you have to be prepared to be there and be loving with Samantha, even though she will likely send negative feelings your way.

There is little question in my mind that Samantha loves Bill. Not as she loves you, but she very, very likely loves him. So be prepared for the storms of all kinds of feelings to follow. Either she will have to let go of Bill and grieve what she has lost or she will hold on to him in some way, through calls or text messages here and there or more rather than feel the sorrow. And the guilt, and the anger, and the resentment, and the second doubts about you. She will possibly wonder how you could have stripped Bill from her and the pleasure she took, if you truly loved her. She will feel betrayed that you egged her on to have sexual pleasure with another man and then wrenched it away from her when she did as you wanted.

What to do? You have to be a receiver of her pain and her hurt and her anger. The challenge is to be a man who absorbs her pain even when it comes out as tearful rage (should it, and it likely will along the way). She needs to feel you are there for her, even when she twists and turns in pain. Through honoring and accepting the reality of the feelings she will pass through, she will come to feel a powerful connection to you.

My heart goes out to both of you. This is rough. Be there for her. That is what you should do next.

[Mojo123]

Yes, you are correct Z, the lie, although a small one, was the straw that broke the camels back.

She's knows this as well. She feels terrible for mismanaging this relationship and making mistakes that lead to its termination. She accepts the blame...

A sceptic might read between the lines and see she's upset at herself for getting caught and providing you the final straw…

[MrsTruckstar]

Mojo that is why people don't go to fecking sceptics for advice.

me "good afternoon Mojo"
you "is that a statement or a question? Reading between the lines, I see it as a wish."
me "fuck off Mojo."

Unfortunately other people just get saddened by it. Sceptic is not realist. Sam will grieve and as Zorro puts it she won't feel that she did anything wrong because the base causation factor will be seen as SM's inability to cope.

There are tough times to come. SM said once that she is a doctor, she may need to lean on some friends a little - Dr of what? I don't know.

SM - letters are not good because they are down to the interpretation of the reader. She may feel you are blaming her for all this.

Your role now is to react to her outpourings in a sympathetic way.

[Samanthasman]

Mojo that is why people don't go to fecking sceptics for advice.

me "good afternoon Mojo"
you "is that a statement or a question? Reading between the lines, I see it as a wish."
me "fuck off Mojo."

Unfortunately other people just get saddened by it. Sceptic is not realist. Sam will grieve and as Zorro puts it she won't feel that she did anything wrong because the base causation factor will be seen as SM's inability to cope.

There are tough times to come. SM said once that she is a doctor, she may need to lean on some friends a little - Dr of what? I don't know.s

SM - letters are not good because they are down to the interpretation of the reader. She may feel you are blaming her for all this.

Your role now is to react to her outpourings in a sympathetic way.

Yes; I'm sure she feels bad about being caught...

Yes, I blame her for how this went down and I've told her that. We've had many long talks. I tell her that I love her and hurt for her heartache, but at the same time am dealing with some anger with her because in my view she used the ticket to have sex, as a ticket to have an affair. She pushed things over the line, and although she says they never told each other they loved each other (and I do believe that) this did become an emotion based relationship and not just sex based. She admits that. She totally admits that. She admits she handled things wrong and it's her fault that everyone got hurt.

I asked her if all of that was necessary? Could this have worked? Could she have enjoyed the great sex without pushing deeper into the relationship? That's the big question...

She says at this point she does not know. She says I gave her mixed messages. I told her to have all the sex you want, and she went for it. She says "If you had told me to meet him only once a week on Monday night between 6 and 9pm... And have few if any calls or texts in between, that is exactly what we would have done, and we could have done that for years and all been happy". She says it could have even been once a month... Whatever I agreed to...but it was me that encouraged more...

It is true that she "executes to a plan" and she's a high achiever. We have a document of our rules and she did pretty much what we agreed to. She dated multiple men to crest balance, she sent pics and videos, never said "love" to anyone, etc. We looked back on the plan and the truth is she got straight A grades in every topic... and one F. She says "I was doing everything right... Being the ultimate hotwife... Wearing sexy clothes...Fucking lots of guys and often, having a blast, sharing tons of pictures, videos, and hot reclaim sex with you... I just screwed up in one area!! It's like I got straight A's and one F..."

Yes, I admit that is true. But, I reminded her that lots of rights don't compensate for a wrong. We're both sort of proceeding that.

She's basically called things off at this point with her other bf's. Just saying she's busy or not responding. She not sure she wants to do HWing anymore. Says she's happy with just me. I will say she is a women that love love loves great sex but at the same time does not seen to need it often. She enjoys it like no other when she gets it (even hours a day for weeks), but if nobody asked her for it for 2 weeks, I don't know that she would ask for it. It's always been a push and not a pull with her. She needs to be pursued.

Hummm???