Kill Bill...Asking wife to dump BF?!?!

[Artimas]

As one of our Presidents said "Trust, but verify". That my friend will help keep you sane.

[WantMore]

Well buddy, time to get creative! What you need most is honesty, even more so than getting rid of Bill!

Ultimatums only instill want. She wants what she cant have. This is only normal. I never ask too much if she has been chatting with her men. Ive trained her to openly just tell me.

So what we have is Sam holding on to something. Youll have to get her to be willing to release it to finally lose Bill.

Its all on her part from this point forward. Ultimatums will only make her want the object worse. Asking about her communication will be seen as badgering to Sam.

These two things must be let go of on your end SM.

If you focus on creating a path of honesty that Sam can easilly fall into and follow, she will be able to much easier release the wants inside her for Bill.

This needs to be your focus. A path that Sam can enjoy following. She will release Bill when only she is ready to release him. If she has a path that she can see from you she will enjoy following it because she loves you.

If you can reassure her that your only focus right now is her honesty and reassure her that if she speaks to Bill she needs to be honest and tell you. You need to guarantee her that your main goal and focus is honesty with forgiveness for mistakes a path will instantly form. Right now she thinks your main goal and focus is ridding you guys of Bill. If this isnt changed to making honesty the pinnacle on your part, Sam will have a very tough time releasing Bill.

You need to be willing to let her cross the line and let her make a mistake. You need to instill into her that you have forgiveness in your heart if the two of you can make honesty the pinnacle of your relationship.

My motto is rellish in honesty for good reason.

Once she feels she can tell you when she fucks up, she will naturally feel guilt and this guilt will help her heal. It will help her to focus on thinking about you first. Once your presence is always in her mind she will naturally be on defense for you.

This all can be created quickly. But you need to let her steer right now. You need to tell her you are no longer worried about Bill. The only thing that means everything to you is her honesty.

[SmilingHusband]

that "advice" benefits only his wife. there's nothing in there for him but more pain. sound advice here counsels the marriage. they need to fix that first.

she's deceptive. and you're saying he should just "let her drive"? I think that's what has been happening to date and it was a disaster for poor old SM. so, some more of that is your best advice, huh?

Wow. Just wow.

[sidestreet]

Time for some marriage counseling.

[WantMore]

Welp if you keep putting your foot down all its gonna do is create stress. When she becomes honest guilt comes, Bill goes away simple as that.

Yeah its all up to her. She knows what he wants! Pressuring her is only gonna make her want it more.

Its very basic stuff. She is in charge Mrs.T. She will stop chatting/seeing Bill only when shes ready. SM can want all he wants.

If he can create a path to follow she will follow.

Once she knows she can tell all without worry, then and only then can they work on there problems.

Its SMs turn to manipulate and turn the table to his favor. This can easilly be done with focusing on here weakness! Lying!

Right now Bill may be creating a path, whos to say..

Yeah I have a diferent outlook. Everyone thinks being firm and stern is the answer. If she is the CEO type stern and firm will only piss her off. She is gonba resent being told what to do. Her head is already stern and firm.

[luvMyHotwife]

that "advice" benefits only his wife. there's nothing in there for him but more pain. sound advice here counsels the marriage. they need to fix that first.

she's deceptive. and you're saying he should just "let her drive"? I think that's what has been happening to date and it was a disaster for poor old SM. so, some more of that is your best advice, huh?

Wow. Just wow.

SM wants to be cuckolded, and Sam wants to do it. The couple wants to submit to Bill. And Sam has a firm grip on Bill. Its a match made in heaven.

[WantMore]

Pony up.. Give your advice... Remember she has the mind of a CEO type. A CEO is well trained at manipulation. They are also trained to not feel guilt.

Once the wall is broken down shell become putty. The wall is her learning that she can tell SM anything without fear of retaliation.

[luvMyHotwife]

Pony up.. Give your advice... Remember she has the mind of a CEO type. A CEO is well trained at manipulation. They are also trained to not feel guilt.

Once the wall is broken down shell become putty. The wall is her learning that she can tell SM anything without fear of retaliation.

This is demonizing Sam, unfairly I think.

[Artimas]

She's still seeing Bill. He's manipulating her. Go back and read Mrs Truckstar's post when she left her husband. That's what Sam's getting ready to do. I can only imagine the conversation when she comes home from her week of 'meetings'.

I'm ashamed to admit that I've been there done that, broke a decent marriage, then walked away from my 'conquest'. I see that happening with these two.

[WantMore]

that "advice" benefits only his wife. there's nothing in there for him but more pain. sound advice here counsels the marriage. they need to fix that first.

she's deceptive. and you're saying he should just "let her drive"? I think that's what has been happening to date and it was a disaster for poor old SM. so, some more of that is your best advice, huh?

Wow. Just wow.

There are two distinct differences of letting her drive while lying and showing her how to drive while being totally honest.

If she steers and does that with honesty, she will steer safer because guilt will shadow her.

If SM were to back down on Bill and refocus on creating forgiveness in trade for honesty, she will decide that Bill is a threat to there relationship.

Why, because she is hiding behind a wall of lying. Once she feels she can come out from behind that wall, she will all of the sudden see what she has been doing.

[SSQ]

I honestly think a lot of the guys posting here just don't get it, because you haven't been there.

I would bet a lot of money that Sam isn't trying to decide between Sman and Bill. She just isn't ready to give up on the idea yet that she can have both. The NRE is intense enough that she's reacting like a child would- she's just holding onto the possibility and isn't ready to walk away.

Any smokers out there? How hard is it to quit? Right now she's just hoping for a way out of a shitty situation, and it sucks. Can you really blame her for that? A week or so ago she was probably sky high happy- a husband who loved her sex videos, and a romantic caring boyfriend who fucked her the way she wanted. And now she's lost the one and enough people here are trying to counsel Sman so she loses the other.

Be realistic. It's easy to armchair coach. And IMO, if you would divorce your wife for developing an emotional attachment when you encouraged her to be in this lifestyle, I don't think you are ready to be in the lifestyle. I try not to judge, but yeah, I judge that.

[MrsTruckstar]

Welp if you keep putting your foot down all its gonna do is create stress. When she becomes honest guilt comes, Bill goes away simple as that.

Yeah its all up to her. She knows what he wants! Pressuring her is only gonna make her want it more.

Its very basic stuff. She is in charge Mrs.T. She will stop chatting/seeing Bill only when shes ready. SM can want all he wants.

If he can create a path to follow she will follow.

Once she knows she can tell all without worry, then and only then can they work on there problems.

Its SMs turn to manipulate and turn the table to his favor. This can easilly be done with focusing on here weakness! Lying!

Right now Bill may be creating a path, whos to say..

Yeah I have a diferent outlook. Everyone thinks being firm and stern is the answer. If she is the CEO type stern and firm will only piss her off. She is gonba resent being told what to do. Her head is already stern and firm.

Do you know what mate, you are so wrong.
So in your world - he cant say I think you went too far and I don't WANT you to do that again - I WANT you to be honest with me. Because she is a CEO type and that is a demand. Read back, she is a Doctor that likes CEO types.

SM and Sam had some rules. She broke them and told some lies. If that is not corrected then is needs and wants become pointless.

To explain the 7 step plan to show it is not pounding ones foot down here we go. For Example, so that means it is made up.

1. What do I want/ Where is an acceptable position for me? I want her and me to be happy, I want her to be able to fulfil her sexual goals and needs without forsaking me. I want the lies to end. I am not happy with the Bill situation, I would like a real plan so we can get through this not just sound bites about her getting a sexual fix. I have always wanted an MFM or to be there but she has never done that for me. In fact any of my inclusion plans have been pushed aside. I would like or want to be included some.
2. Is it achievable? I think it is if we can come to an agreement and as long as any attempts by me are not met with discussions about Bill. I will stop mentioning him to her also.
3. Adjust, how do I implement it? This will require a chat, a discussion. Out of this will come a plan and I really WANT this to happen, I also WANT to be able to fully trust her unconditionally.
4. Set and end goal and a time frame in which to make it. That will fall out of point 3.
5 Write the plan down. You write it down as a memory jogger not a contract. You will also be able to refer to your goals personally when you WANT reassurance that you are on track to achieve, if you find that you are off track or slipping with time, you can make an effort to try harder.
5.a. must have situations - no compromise. I WANT us to make a conscious effort for at least one date night for us. I WANT to meet Bill in a non sexual environment. I don't WANT you to cancel us things to run to him. I WANT to feel like I am still primary in your life. I WANT to love and trust you.
5.b. nice to have - Good if you can get it - The following would be nice
5.c. flexible things - Compromisable Whatever
6. Discuss it it with her She will also have a list of must haves, nice to haves and whatevers. Mix and match them up, agree them and add them to the plan
7. Adjust as required and implement. Nothing is straight forward, be flexible and fulfil your dreams together.

There is nothing wrong with wanting something to be more honest and better for both.

[WantMore]

Welp if you keep putting your foot down all its gonna do is create stress. When she becomes honest guilt comes, Bill goes away simple as that.

Yeah its all up to her. She knows what he wants! Pressuring her is only gonna make her want it more.

Its very basic stuff. She is in charge Mrs.T. She will stop chatting/seeing Bill only when shes ready. SM can want all he wants.

If he can create a path to follow she will follow.

Once she knows she can tell all without worry, then and only then can they work on there problems.

Its SMs turn to manipulate and turn the table to his favor. This can easilly be done with focusing on here weakness! Lying!

Right now Bill may be creating a path, whos to say..

Yeah I have a diferent outlook. Everyone thinks being firm and stern is the answer. If she is the CEO type stern and firm will only piss her off. She is gonba resent being told what to do. Her head is already stern and firm.

Do you know what mate, you are so wrong.
So in your world - he cant say I think you went too far and I don't WANT you to do that again - I WANT you to be honest with me. Because she is a CEO type and that is a demand. Read back, she is a Doctor that likes CEO types.

SM and Sam had some rules. She broke them and told some lies. If that is not corrected then is needs and wants become pointless.

Well sure he can say it went too far and wants honesty. He can also say he doesnt want this again.

The fact is she has went too far for SMs comfortability. She is not being honest. And she will repeat this over and over. Right now his needs and wants ARE pointless. She still says she wants Bill. She also says she feels she cant be fully honest.

SM can want all he wants at this point.

To fix the problem she needs guaranteed forgiveness in trade for total honesty. Once this comes, then he can work on ridding himself of Bill because guilt shadows 100% honest people.

He can say all he wants. Is this satisfying him? No...


So whats the next approach? That is forgiveness in trade for 100% honesty. Once this is done, guilt will shadow Sam and then and only then can they work on ridding themselves of Bill.

[WantMore]

Im my above post i just said the same thing I said previously, so I gently said it again and as you see im saying the same thing you are Mrs. T.

[lozrob66]

We only have Samanthasman's view on this. He might be a little too subjective for an objective understanding. Whatever that means! We're only getting the confused thoughts of an emotional man?

I've changed my mind. The best course of action is to let her see Bill and make it her responsibility to balance Bill, Samanthasman and family life. I have given my wife the freedom to play as she chooses and I have vowed never to interfere. I have come close to saying something on a few occasions, but after much deep thought I knew it was my own insecurities. I think we should have some faith in Samantha and let her take the responsibility for keeping it all in check.

If she thinks she's capable Samanthasman, let her have Bill!

[WantMore]

Quote-The way to charm her our of her panties is with wit and charm, that comes from being a brilliant CEO-type with game.

This was on page 10 Mrs. T. She may he a Doctor, but she is the CEO type. The CEO type is a tough nut to crack for anyone!

[WantMore]

We only have Samanthasman's view on this. He might be a little too subjective for an objective understanding. Whatever that means! We're only getting the confused thoughts of an emotional man?

I've changed my mind. The best course of action is to let her see Bill and make it her responsibility to balance Bill, Samanthasman and family life. I have given my wife the freedom to play as she chooses and I have vowed never to interfere. I have come close to saying something on a few occasions, but after much deep thought I knew it was my own insecurities. I think we should have some faith in Samantha and let her take the responsibility for keeping it all in check.

If she thinks she's capable Samanthasman, let her have Bill!

I agree. Need to get the honesty problem fixed first. Ive felt all along that SM made a mistake by asking Sam to bow out.

[Fotodom]

I continue to be concerned that Bill is making a play for Samantha. I have not seen anything specific about his side, even if through the filter of S, and then SM, except a denial that there is a possibility of a split.
He's hanging in even though he well knows what is going on; how many Bulls would do that? Most will not IMO, so why is this one doing that?

[WantMore]

I just read what you posted Mrs. T. I agree. Its all good stuff! Got to get the honesty problem fixed before you start saying WANT.

Forgiveness is first. Forgiveness begans honesty. Honesty begans trust. Trust allows a person to ask for a want.

[WantMore]

I continue to be concerned that Bill is making a play for Samantha. I have not seen anything specific about his side, even if through the filter of S, and then SM, except a denial that there is a possibility of a split.
He's hanging in even though he well knows what is going on; how many Bulls would do that? Most will not IMO, so why is this one doing that?

Quite possibly Bill is playing into Sam because she shares much of her inner thoughts and desires with Bill. Quite possibly Sam is feeding Bill.

[WantMore]

I honestly think a lot of the guys posting here just don't get it, because you haven't been there.

I would bet a lot of money that Sam isn't trying to decide between Sman and Bill. She just isn't ready to give up on the idea yet that she can have both. The NRE is intense enough that she's reacting like a child would- she's just holding onto the possibility and isn't ready to walk away.

Any smokers out there? How hard is it to quit? Right now she's just hoping for a way out of a shitty situation, and it sucks. Can you really blame her for that? A week or so ago she was probably sky high happy- a husband who loved her sex videos, and a romantic caring boyfriend who fucked her the way she wanted. And now she's lost the one and enough people here are trying to counsel Sman so she loses the other.

Be realistic. It's easy to armchair coach. And IMO, if you would divorce your wife for developing an emotional attachment when you encouraged her to be in this lifestyle, I don't think you are ready to be in the lifestyle. I try not to judge, but yeah, I judge that.

And once again the star post of the day goes to SSQ! Perfectly spot on.

S= Super
S= Star.
Q= Quality

Just guessing the abbreviation of your screen name! lol

[Samanthasman]

I honestly think a lot of the guys posting here just don't get it, because you haven't been there.

I would bet a lot of money that Sam isn't trying to decide between Sman and Bill. She just isn't ready to give up on the idea yet that she can have both. The NRE is intense enough that she's reacting like a child would- she's just holding onto the possibility and isn't ready to walk away.

Any smokers out there? How hard is it to quit? Right now she's just hoping for a way out of a shitty situation, and it sucks. Can you really blame her for that? A week or so ago she was probably sky high happy- a husband who loved her sex videos, and a romantic caring boyfriend who fucked her the way she wanted. And now she's lost the one and enough people here are trying to counsel Sman so she loses the other.

Be realistic. It's easy to armchair coach. And IMO, if you would divorce your wife for developing an emotional attachment when you encouraged her to be in this lifestyle, I don't think you are ready to be in the lifestyle. I try not to judge, but yeah, I judge that.

I think this is the most accurate assessment. She's not trying to decide who to go with. She is no where near in the mindset of wanting to walk away from a marriage, family, business, etc. There is still lots of love at home.

She simply wants it all. She's infatuated with a new toy and is torn up over the possibility of losing it.

Bill is infatuated with her as well. But he also has a family, marriage, business, etc.

The relationship is no so far along that anyone is thinking about leaving anyone.

[zorro]

I would bet a lot of money that Sam isn't trying to decide between Sman and Bill. She just isn't ready to give up on the idea yet that she can have both.

I am predisposed to having matters between Sman, Samantha, and Bill go this way. The problem is, Samantha's response to the situation was not conducive to reassuring Sman's insecurities, so she managed to bring everything to a halt by not honoring all of the participants wisely. If she wanted to have the possibility of the relationship continue, she would have been open, encouraged and supported Bill's and Sman's meeting, and would have responded honestly and compassionately to Sman's genuine, expressed doubts.

And if she wants them both, she is going to have rebuild trust with Sman. So, I am with Mrs. Truckstar: the first and most important thing is for Sman and Sam to come to trust each other again. They both probably feel hurt, and that needs to heal.

Then the play may continue.

[MrsTruckstar]

I just read what you posted Mrs. T. I agree. Its all good stuff! Got to get the honesty problem fixed before you start saying WANT.

Forgiveness is first. Forgiveness begans honesty. Honesty begans trust. Trust allows a person to ask for a want.

The honesty part is where it says "I want the lies to stop and I want to be able to trust you again"

BTW you cannot forgive somebody unless you truly trust that what they are telling you is the truth. That is the start point. That is trust.

However there is nothing to forgive. She had limitless access to Bill but the trust was broken when she lied about one of those meetings. Sam is probably guilty of taking SM foregranted and him of feeling left out. She has wants and needs and is still a little selfish with them wants and needs.

In general if you truly trust somebody and love them dearly, you will put their needs first. If you are both doing that unilaterally then it makes for perfection. If you are not, then the relationship becomes strained.

[agawim]

The relationship is no so far along that anyone is thinking about leaving anyone.

Dear SM, with all due respect you have no way of knowing this is true. It might be true but assuming this is the case is not the smartest thing to do.

Her saying that she does not want to leave you are even thinking about it has very little value at the moment to be honest, she herself told you she could not be trusted.

I think it is time that Bill's wife gets informed here, I understand that it is not nice for him, but come on man if he wanted to keep his mariage in the clear he could have backed off as soon as he was asked to do so.

When people are in "love" the value of existing relationships, financial consequences, family etc....is not the same as before this new relationship came along. People think about and see things differently, consequenses are not perceived in the same way.
Assuming that both your wife and Bill have too much to loose to leave their pre-existing relationships might not be smart at this point in time.

Take care, the both of you.