Kill Bill...Asking wife to dump BF?!?!

[MrsTruckstar]

So I'm confused…Sam's admitted "plan" includes her inability to be completely honest - and this is (now) judged to be a good and/or permissible thing?!

I still think this is a HUGE red flag that calls into question the fundamental underpinnings of the foundational binary relationship…

No, she wants the full deal where she is free to fuck and therefore not have to lie. It was SM that suggested cheat, lie then confess.

[bubbajack]

A question to SM - have you now perhaps taken a "position" in the negotiation and are defending that instead of considering ways in which your interests might be served by "giving" Sam her 100%? I know that the theme of "her lying" has attracted a lot of attention and energy, both emotional and (sort of) rational.

But what does the demand for a formal undertaking to "be honest" really aim to get for you? With or without it, if she lies to you about anything it's just as destructive either way - So consider what concrete benefit you are trying to get by having her - what -Swear on a stack of bibles? In other words, what do you really get if you get her to agree to "75%" - the satisfaction that you won something?

I agree with Mrs T - you should give it a go at the "100%" reading on her dial and see what happens. There are ditches on both sides of this road, it seems to me - but why insist on driving into yours instead of maybe giving her the wheel to see if she can stay between the white lines?

[Jaxunman]

Just an observation and you are free to tune this out, but Poly does seem to be much more well suited to Sam's makeup than HWing is. Now this is strictly going by the descriptions of Sam as provided by you. Sam prefers deep, emotionally charged connections with the men she becomes lovers with. She cherishes the non-sexual times and discussions with them as well as the sexual. She desires a true BF/GF relationship with a lover. No matter how many guys she dated and ultimately slept with, it all came back to the one she really clicked with. So while she was maybe enjoying the endless dating and sexual variety, ultimately, Bill was the one she connected with and he was the one all others were being measured against.

Poly could easily satisfy your cuckold desires as well. You made much of the fact very early on (not in this thread but one of your other threads) that Sam would turn you down for sex but not the men she was dating. You also posted way too much about reclaim sex with Sam and only getting to have after her dates and sex with her lovers for you not to have enjoyed it that way. I believe you when you say you don't want to be a cuck, at least in the extreme sense of the meaning, however, you did enjoy the mild humiliation of knowing she denied you the sex she readily admitted she would not deny her lovers. Plus, you enjoyed her sexual lusts and needs having already been met by others when she came home to give you your turn. Those are mild cuckold type desires on your part and they don't make you weak or less of a man. So embrace what you enjoy!

By exploring Poly, and the very things it stands for, you may find it removes most of the pressure from Sam. I think that Sam is being 100% honest with you on the fact that she would rather quit seeing others completely vs keep going on a track that she already knows in her heart will only lead to future trouble in your relationship. In Poly, you will both know and accept that she will have another man that get gets emotionally attached to and cares about. He will be part of the relationship and not just a faceless human dildo. If you can accept it, Sam will no longer feel the pressure of juggling what she really needs to feel to truly enjoy being with another man against what you think she should be doing.

I hope this did not come across as preachy or anything. I know neither of you and can only post on what I observe from your own posts. Sometimes, a person or couple can be too close to the situation that they are not able to see the whole picture. It is during those times, that someone from a distance has a clearer view and can see the whole picture.

Good luck to you both in whatever direction you choose!

[Wifesharing]

I think it is simple but understand why it is hard to see it from SM's view point he is in the thick of it and we are not. It appears SM needs to decide if he wants a 100% hotwife that is free to drive and make her choices freely and completely about her sex life, or does he want a 0% hotwife. Sam is pretty clear what she wants, she wants to be free to do as she please without the stress or the guilt, or having to worry about lying. This is the model (if we have to use model) that my wife and I use, I trust her and she chooses how to play freely. This has worked great for us as my wife respects me and and doesn't disregard me. For you SM you have to choose to hotwife like she wants or no hot wife that is the options she appears to being offering. She is hesitant about the 75% thing because she knows herself and knows that solution will more then likely lead to her having to lie. Now I think if you choose the 0% option you might be in danger it is hard to go back to plain, but it can work. The 100% method will only work if you embrace it fully, I think that if you allow her that freedom you will be surprised how much more you are included when she is not afraid about what might slip out and have no need to hide things.

Only you know what to choose and it is not a easy choice.

[SSQ]

As much as I think poly is awesome and rewarding, since I actively search for men who I can have a boyfriend type relationship with, I still think that Sman and his wife need to spend some time focusing on their marriage and not worrying about hotwifing for now. Like another poster has said, there is no reason that a decision needs to be made at this point. H and I have taken several breaks when he needed time to process or when we needed to change the shape of our relationship.

Why not focus on rebuilding the trust and intimacy?

I can tell you that if you feel insecure, it's going to get magnified if you still feel jealousy and not compersion, Sman.

I also recommend you check out the poly boards at http: //w ww.polyamory.com if you're considering going that route. They have some great checklists and negotiating stuff.

[Wifesharing]

My 2 cents I don't think the poly route is a good idea. You value your relationship too much you want to share her sex life with others not your marriage. If I am wrong then disregard, Poly is very different to me then hot-wife lifestyle in poly it a sharing of much more then sexual play time.

Letting her have 100% free control or freedom from guilt doesn't have to be poly.

[penitenziagite]

I don't give advice. Usually no point. But imagining myself in the situation you describe, at this point I would go the zero percent hotwife route. Hotwifing is just one of many enjoyable things to do in life, and certainly not the most important for me. Of course, your mileage will vary.

[WantMore]

Dam tons of good advice Finally!! I sure dont have the answers but have spent my free time this week. My feelings mirror much of whats been said today. Finally, great advice is coming to you SM. You guys should forget the first 15-16 pages and focus on what is being said today!

Good Luck!

[MrsTruckstar]

After 3 weeks of persuasion, if Bill is alive and Kicking, I think the thread should be renamed to.
Kill Bill...Asking wife to dump BF?!?! but only by 25%

Seriously, if you were a jury, the judge would call you in and declare it an unsafe question. Let's get on. Sam needs a routing, Bill has the seed. Game on. Let's Party.

[DaBolts]

Maybe try giving her what she wants but dont facilitate it. Meaning keep her busy with you and your family. Try take her out more try and win her back. Make her fall for you again and show her the man she fell for in the first place. Let her see him as often as she wants and don't give her rules. When she does go see him maybe you should go do something as well. Dont tell her what but just go.
Keep her busy and make her decide who to pick. Give this time its a marathon not a sprint.

[lozrob66]

I briefly read what I'd missed, but all the bitchin' makes it hard to keep up.

Just thought to add I think if Samanthasman gives his wife the whole responsibility to keep both men happy this means she has 100% control. Then all Samanthasman has to do is let her know what his concerns are and what he would like out of the lifestyle. Then Wifey has her control and it is her job to keep Samanthasman happy. Have I over simplified things?

It would be helpful to know the precise conditions which prevent Samanthasman from letting go of the reins? But not if its gonna start a bitchin' session

[Artimas]

In the very first post you mentioned pics and videos. If I search on WifeBucket.com I come up with a three sets. Perhaps Bill posted them. Just a thought. If they are of Sam did you know?

[traycir]

OK, now I am confused. Maybe I am missing something here. A lot of people are saying give Samanatha her 100%, let her drive, do what she wants and see how it turns out. But isn't that exactly how this thread started? She was seeing Bill, SM didn't mention any real restrictions, then he became uncomfortable with their intimacy. The very first post says that their closeness drives SM crazy. So now some time has gone by, SM has said that this relationship (Bill and Sam) frightens him, makes him feel uncomfortable and is bad for their marriage.

(from the original post) Early on, they were texting and calling continuously. This bothered me and we talked about it and Bill basically told her they had to cool it. (later) Her emotional connection with him just drives me crazy. And, it drives her crazy that it drives me crazy. I mean I get it that there are people you click with and just like a lot, but I did not sign up for her to have a fully sanctioned affair with no strings attached.

SM has told Sam what he wants and what he can live with (the infamous 75%). Sam has essentially said but I want it and not having it is a problem, I want 100%, no boundries. So let's say SM says sure, OK, then what's different? Is he suddenly going to feel comfortable with their texting and talking? Will he magically become OK with their trips together? Unless I have missed something, and I may have easily, it's a long thread and I ain't the sharpest knife in the drawer, Sam's 100% is what started the problem in the first place.

[Fotodom]

^ It may be that as things have gone along, they've changed. Maybe he's recognized or accepted that her getting fucked is more important than his comfort level, to him. He has referred to cucking several times, mostly in a negative sense but that was from the intense humiliation factor some indulge in, I think.

Edit; now that he's talked to Bill maybe that also has affected his comfort level.

[MrsTruckstar]

No she is a victim of her honesty. She got caught telling fibs once.

If she had beeen less honest she would still be sailing that boat.

When asked by SM "what was the sex like?" she should have said "yeah pretty good, good stamina, good fuck." Not "freaking awesome the best sex ever."

The girl can't win. She is honest with him and tells him everything he goes sparky. So she withholds something and he flips like a turbo pancake.

So she has had enough and has decided after three weeks. (BTW I have had FBs last that long) After three long weeks she has given an ultimatum not an impasse. ALL OR NOTHING. Decision point - you choose nothing - who will crack first? Her or him. Me thinks him.

[davidm205]

The girl can't won. She is honest with him and tells him everything he goes sparky. So she withholds something and he flips like a turbo pancake.

The skies clear and the fog lifts. Clarity

[Mr Quick]

Man this whole situation is a complete cluster fuck. You made a decision so stick with it. You need to be the strong man in your girls life that she needs. Your not showing that by flip flopping around so much. Your setting the whole tone for everything else in the future and if you cave in now in a major situation like this she'll know you'll cave in to anything. Your gut is telling you this is wrong. Listen to your gut. You two don't need to be doing this. It seems to be ruining your lives. The answer is so simple but your both so stubborn and selfish that you just don't see it.

[tellmeall]

When this happened to my wife and myself,the biggest issue I faced was the fact that I encouraged my wife to go out side our marriage and get some strange cock. She did just that and fell in love with her coworker. Long story short I could not be angry after all I encouraged her to get fucked.
When I was pushing her to get some she would tell me that iwas all she needed. During this time she was going on business trips all over north America having the time of her life. She had a man with a big cock and plenty of stamina and a clueless husband at home.

Sorry for being a little scrambled on the story you have to be there to understand

[WantMore]

Ummm, whats a turbo pancake? I love pancakes! Do turbo pancakes taste better, digest faster, give you gas or what? Lol

[Samanthasman]

Uugghh... More "get ready for divorce" stuff... If the thread pisses you off to the point that you feel the need to go there, then just tune out...


OK.. where we are...

Samantha wants 100% of what she wants (an unbounded ability to date), or nothing (quit HWing)...

My suggestion/plan is compromise - be happy with 75% of what you want.

I cannot live with 100%, and I don't want 0%
She thinks she can live with 75%, but is not yet ready to commit to that yet...

Because we have not decided, we are at this impasse

She wants 100% = she wants 0% of you.

75%? Yeah, good luck with that.
Q
Nope, not another "divorce" warning, just pointing out that your delusional appraisal of your wife and the situation you are in doesn't serve your interests. So best of luck.

Tuning out now.

OK, in this single thread you call me "delusional" and say that my wife wants "0% of you"

It's posts like this, and people like you that make me feel that I don't want to be a part of this community.
It's just depressing... all this negative and useless bullshit.

Please do me the kindness of not posting on any of my threads going forward. Thank you.

[MrsTruckstar]

Just ignore the Divorce bits, they are baiting you. I just read the other Bill story. I liked it.

Ummm, whats a turbo pancake? I love pancakes! Do turbo pancakes taste better, digest faster, give you gas or what? Lol

A Turbo pancake is one that has been made to quickly, more often than not by a 'Turbo Tosser'

We all care for you SM in our own way

[Samanthasman]

Just ignore the Divorce bits, they are baiting you. I just read the other Bill story. I liked it.

Yes, obviously.

Why people find the need to be cruel, obnoxious, rude, etc. is disturbing. I don't believe I insulted anyone and I certainly did not have any agenda to upset anyone.

I would hope people find this interesting at best and boring at worse, and would thus contribute something that's useful or simply ignore and move on.

I notice their appear to be some tools for blocking people. Is it easy to permanently block people for all of my future involvement here???

We all care for you SM in our own way

[Samanthasman]

OK, Everyone... Samantha speaks! She posted her story here: http://ourhotwives.org/forum/viewtopic.php?f=5&t=30468

[Samanthasman]

No she is a victim of her honesty. She got caught telling fibs once.

If she had beeen less honest she would still be sailing that boat.

When asked by SM "what was the sex like?" she should have said "yeah pretty good, good stamina, good fuck." Not "freaking awesome the best sex ever."

The girl can't win. She is honest with him and tells him everything he goes sparky. So she withholds something and he flips like a turbo pancake.

So she has had enough and has decided after three weeks. (BTW I have had FBs last that long) After three long weeks she has given an ultimatum not an impasse. ALL OR NOTHING. Decision point - you choose nothing - who will crack first? Her or him. Me thinks him.

I don't get in the least jealous when she says "He's the greatest lover I've ever had, and that was the hottest sex I've ever had!". I know it is - I've seen the video! Make me hot and makes me encourage her to keep going.

It actually gets me upset at her if she plays it down "Oh... It was OK I guess..." - which makes me think "If it's only OK, why not go find someone that is great?"

The truth is I know how she's feeling as well as she does. Honesty may be tough at times, but it never harms the situation for us. Dishonestly on the other hand can be devastating.

As far as "who cracks first?" - I'm not sure it matters. We both recognize that we'd like to develop a plan that makes us both happy, and there is plenty of room for that. However, if someone "cracks" and gives into the other with a plan that is not sustainable, then we'll just be revisiting this all again in no time, which we really don't want to do.

[MrsTruckstar]

I reserve further comment to see how Samantha unfolds... I think that is fair.