Samantha Getting Started

[Jacbstuff]

Enjoy the ride you are lucky!,,,

[Samanthasman]

Shortly after this last entry, Samantha and I hit a few "bumps" with Bill and debated dumping him in a different thread.


The conversation moved over to the thread: "Kill Bill...Asking wife to dump BF?!?!" here: http://ourhotwives.org/forum/viewtopic. ... =kill+bill


During that discussion, Samantha also created her own thread posting her story for the first time. That thread is titled: "Samantha's Story (Kill Bill: Volume 2)", and can be found here: http://ourhotwives.org/forum/viewtopic. ... t=samantha


I believe these 3 threads document, quite in detail, the first 5 months of our HW experience - including ups, down, endless rounds with several lovers, many emotions, and a few bumps along the way. I hope you find it interesting and useful to your own journey.

I'm not sure where I will post from here... TBD...

- Samantha's Man

[BallSpanking]

Hi SM,

Feel free to post wherever you think is right, or start a new thread for Chapter II of Samantha's trysts.
I am not sure what is going on with her right now, but very few HW's decide to go back to vanilla for good.

[Samanthasman]

OK.... After a LONG detour into the threads "Kill Bill" and "Kill Bill Volume 2"... I'm back here on this thread...

Where was I??? The last time we spoke we had been HWing full force for 4 months and many hundreds of hot orgasms with multiple men. Along the way, we hit a bump in the road and we were talking about putting on the breaks. We did hit the breaks and documented the details in great detail on those other two threads.

Samantha did finally start her own thread, and she posted there with her story. Her style is to post every once in a while to sort of bring people up to speed with her thoughts. She will be continue from time to time on the Kill Bill Volume 2 Thread, but I don't know that she will ever post regularly.

After a little time off to review our rules, and review our plan, our goals, and what went right and wrong, we have started up again.

Samantha realizes now that the lying was absolutely unacceptable, and I've made it clear that we are on "strike 2" in the lying department. She knows this was a major blow but basically said "I'm not sure I trust myself to be 100% honest" which is unacceptable, but at the same time it's the honest response. Each day we talk about this, and each day she says she's getting closer to feeling like she can trust herself. Needless to say, this continues to tax our relationship, as I feel like I have to trust but verify what she says and does.

Regarding the HW sex... Yes, Bill is back and so is Sid and so are others...

Our biggest problem was that Samantha was having a full blown (emotional) affair with Bill (in my view) vs. simply fucking a good friend. I told her I was not comfortable with that, and if that's what it was going to be, I'm out, and thus we stopped for a while.

Her argument has been "I need an emotional connection with someone to even be able to have hot sex with them". My argument has been "Well, at this point the sex with Bill is the hottest sex of your life, so I guess mission accomplished... now, why do you need to continue to expand on the emotional connection... is what you have not enough??"

I also talked to Bill. It was a good conversation, and among other things I asked him "Can't you just enjoy having great sex with Samantha?... Do you really have to call, text, wine and dine, and take long walks on the beach together?? Do you really have to search into her soul??" To which he said "I understand. I'm sorry. Yes, absolutely I would love to, and would be happy limiting my relationship with Samantha to just having great sex, if that is what everyone is comfortable with. That's not such a bad deal at all! I'm in!"

And, the truth is, in some ways I trust him more than Samantha. In other words, I'm pretty sure that he is very content just having white hot sex with Samantha. It's Samantha that sometimes pushes for more from the relationship.

Ultimately, Samantha saw what this relationship with Bill was doing to me and us and she agreed to refocus the relationship into more of just a physical relationship, and bring in more "balance" from other men. That is what we are trying.

So, with that, the new "rules of engagement" are more or less to limit "non fucking interaction" to ~15 minutes a week, which sounds a little strange, but this more or less means they have stopped talking on the phone and texting, except to schedule a weekly date where they pretty much fuck the entire time in our guest house. They are not going on dates or trips either. I am monitoring this.

In addition, Samantha is dating other men, including Sid, regularly.

How's this going??? Humm... Well, it's a new experiment. I will say that I have NOT FELT JEALOUS at all, for some time. That's a big change for the positive. I feel good when she has her dates.

At time same time, in some ways I have felt less involved or into her HW adventures. Not sure why, but I'm not walking around with a hard-on all the time, as I was before. Maybe the jealousy makes me hot? Maybe it's because I'm still reeling from the lying? Maybe because we have some other tensions in our lives from other (non HW) things going on?? Maybe I'm not feeling as involved. Not sure.

I have asked Samantha to involve me more. I've told her "I need to watch once in a while". I need that. I've never watched live (she says she is not comfortable with that). She has made more videos and sometimes makes pictures to give me, but during her last several sessions with Bill and Sid she did neither and frankly, those session gave me no thrill at all. I'm happy that she is happy and having great white hot sex, and tons of orgasms (she said her last session was the best she ever had, period.), but I don't feel sexually excited much at all when I'm not watching, getting pictures, or videos, or calls or whatever. In the past, just knowing she was getting fucked was all it took to excite me, but lately, that alone has not done much for me.

Do other guys ever feel this way???

I also asked her if i could simply put a hidden camera in the guest house and then I'd feel like I was part of it whenever she was fucking. She has said that she would not feel comfortable with that. Part of me feels like she is being selfish, but I'm sure there are many opinions on that as well...

[WantMore]

Well she is being selfish! I think it will get old for you quickly! She needs to please your needs equally with hers. If she wants to be as she said hoggish instead of piggish she will kill you, per se!

She needs to feed you right now, not her! She may be a jet setter smart CEO, but right now she has lost her common sense in her hw relationship with you!

Sorry pal, just tellin ya whats in my head just like you do for us!

[Samanthasman]

I read, she won. Ill skip reading and wait until the thread of Kill Bill Vol. 3 begins. I hope I'm not right, however. Do be careful; all the best to you.

How come someone had to win?? If you read her thread, we both wanted this, just with mutually agreeable terms. We're not "compeing" hopefully we both win...

[zorro]

They say a good compromise is when no one is really happy. Sounds as though you might have gotten there. There is some kind of emotional need that was being met that has now eluded you. Perhaps the excitement of Samantha's increasingly over-the-top emotional reaction as a sexually assertive woman has been eclipsed by your putting the brakes on.

As far as jealousy is concerned, some of the emotional high of hotwifing includes eroticizing the arousal that comes with jealousy. Now that you see that Sam has chosen you over Bill, the threat and the thrill have passed. You are much more secure, you feel less jealousy, and some of the excitement may have waned.

What do you think, SM?

[a_unique_being]

Hey SM thanks for the update and keeping us in the loop of things

Its good to hear that there have been some progress on your hot wife lifestyle.

[Samanthasman]

They say a good compromise is when no one is really happy. Sounds as though you might have gotten there. There is some kind of emotional need that was being met that has now eluded you. Perhaps the excitement of Samantha's increasingly over-the-top emotional reaction as a sexually assertive woman has been eclipsed by your putting the brakes on.

As far as jealousy is concerned, some of the emotional high of hotwifing includes eroticizing the arousal that comes with jealousy. Now that you see that Sam has chosen you over Bill, the threat and the thrill have passed. You are much more secure, you feel less jealousy, and some of the excitement may have waned.

What do you think, SM?

I don't think I enjoy jealousy the way some people do. I get super turned on when she is super turned on. When she wants an guy sexually and he does it for her sexually - that does not make me jealous at all. It only turns me on. However, I think at times Samantha is worried that this will make me jealous and she actually holds back telling me how much she is turned on and wants it.

Samantha talking about music, life, philosophy, hopes and dreams, etc. Does make me jealous. I don't believe that jealousy is a turn on at all.

[agawim]

Let's just cut to the chase. Your wife is an incredibly selfish woman.

So I guess the new "compromise" is that she gets everything she wants and you get nothing except a scrap she throws you every once in awhile. "There. That ought to keep him quiet for awhile."

Yeah. That sounds like a good deal for everyone, huh?

I've said this before, but I'll say it again. The reason she doesn't want you to watch in person, or put in a hidden camera is that she does not want you to see her intimate "love making" with her lover. So she makes you hot, porn-style, videos showing the hot, steamy fucking, and then turns the camera off for the love-making part.

What Arizona said.

Explain the "compromise" to me please is it that she only has sex with him? And how would you possibly know this is what is happening? It seems she has not even given you any new videos/photos etc lately because you limited her "social" time with Bill so you get even less.
What Arizona states about the "love making" seems like a good bet.
I must hand it to Samantha she has you wrapped around her little finger. I don't see what you get from this anymore Samantha has the greatest sexual experiences ever she says, you say you are not even hard/excited anymore.

So why keep doing the HW thing if you are not getting what you want (and now you are getting even less then before)?

Bill was never out of the picture SM, not for one single ion of a second. She claims she needs emotional connections to fuck a guy? Apparently it was not that hard for her to start/stop fucking Sid and some other guy who (as far as I know) she hardly spent any "social" time with.

Since you started posting you are only getting LESS as time passes, yet you claim you have reached a new compomise?
Samantha must be an absolutely brilliant manipulator you give less and yet you say you reached a new better compromise so you started again.(Wait a second nothing was restarted, actually it never ended to begin with)

I will say it again the only way this is going is a full cuckolding relationship if not divorce. In my opinion you need to stop the HW-thing and see if you can still save your marriage.
Just stop for a year or so(not a few weeks or months. In case you are not sure what stop actually entails, no contact of any kind with anyone in a HW sense, and the people she was seeing up until now especially Bill no contact full stop.

Of course if you want to be a full cuckold that is great since you are headed in that direction, in that case just keep doing what you are doing!

Lets stop putting labels on stuff for a second, there is only one question that matters: ARE YOU HAPPY?

Wim

[Samanthasman]

Let's just cut to the chase. Your wife is an incredibly selfish woman.

So I guess the new "compromise" is that she gets everything she wants and you get nothing except a scrap she throws you every once in awhile. "There. That ought to keep him quiet for awhile."

Yeah. That sounds like a good deal for everyone, huh?

I've said this before, but I'll say it again. The reason she doesn't want you to watch in person, or put in a hidden camera is that she does not want you to see her intimate "love making" with her lover. So she makes you hot, porn-style, videos showing the hot, steamy fucking, and then turns the camera off for the love-making part.

We actually woke up this morning to her reading this post over my shoulder as I read it. I really hit a nerve, but also stimulated a discussion.

In all marriages, at times each of us are right, or sometimes we are wrong. I'm willing to admit I'm wrong at least more than half of the time. Right now I'm sure I right, and that's what I told her.

I gave her (back) the opportunity to see Bill and she has re-engaged in a way that has not included me to a level that I feel connected to the situation or to her. We actually implemented an interesting "process" where each day she asks "what's the score" - in other words how closely connected do I feel and how do I feel about our HW activity. Over the lat 10 days the score has dropped from 8 to 6 to 4 to 3... Raising the score is simple - a hug, an "I love you", a video of her with her lover, a picture, or just about anything that make me feel like this is an "us" activity. Lowering the score is also easy - an argument, a shrug, a session with a lover that does not include a picture, a video, a text, watching, etc.

I think to myself that if our roles were reversed and I asked her what her score is and it dropped progressively from 8 to 3, and I knew I had complete control over quickly and simply raising the score, I would be all over that. I'd get her back to a 10 in a minute. But, that's just me.

She is concerned that when she gives an inch I want a mile. She gives me a video and I want an MFM. So, I think her reflex is to not give to much so I won't ask for much?? I don't know. I've told her that if I ask for too much - yes, that's me being a hog and that's when she should indeed put me in my place... but to do that preemptively is not helpful.

I think an issue we both have is that we are both ENTJ personality types. We want it all or nothing. We both recognize that and love each other for it, but also struggle when it comes to compromise. It's our drive and our curse.

I really think we can have it all. We continue to struggle to find the right formula. I've told her that she has the power in her to easily get everyone - including her - everything that they want. It's really pretty easy... but it's going to have to involve some different thinking...


Arizona - as for the rest of your comments - you got it half right. Actually their video shows them "making love" as intensely as any two lover ever have. It's not just hot porn, it's very loving and passionate. They don't hold back from intense kissing and holding and love-making. And, that is why it's hotter than any porn I've ever seen. So... they are not hiding the love-making... the problem I'm having at the moment is that I just feel a little disconnect to it. I'm thrilled with her intimate connection with Bill, but unless I feel like I'm part of it, I'm out.

[WantMore]

Why dont you retake the personality test SM. I think you may have grown to be something other than ENTJ. Look up 16 personalities. They have a good quick test to get you into the ballpark. Some peoples personality changes thru there life. Go take that and tell us the results.

You have a feeling trait that she doesnt seem to have. Maybe this is new or not.

So she spent the last 10 years dating a guy and you never ran into these issues? How did you guys deal before Bill. Did she take other lovers or only the one for 10 years?

[Iamtheman]

SM,
For all the talk of bringing "balance" into the experience, there is a lot of focus on Bill in the conversation. It sounds like Samantha has a lot of other men available to her, and Sid as a regular. Why not set Bill aside and ask if she is open to letting you participate with someone else? Is Bill the only one making videos? Is Bill the only one that you want to watch? I don't get why Sam has more than one frequent BF and yet the dialogue seems to always goes back to this guy. With so many options, are none of them considered for a compromise?

[Samanthasman]

SM,
For all the talk of bringing "balance" into the experience, there is a lot of focus on Bill in the conversation. It sounds like Samantha has a lot of other men available to her, and Sid as a regular. Why not set Bill aside and ask if she is open to letting you participate with someone else? Is Bill the only one making videos? Is Bill the only one that you want to watch? I don't get why Sam has more than one frequent BF and yet the dialogue seems to always goes back to this guy. With so many options, are none of them considered for a compromise?

Yes, Bill is the hottest lover. He fucks her for hours and makes her cum and cum and cum... He is the only one that feels comfortable taking pictures or videos. He's done 3-ways, etc. with other people in the past. He's fine with whatever she is willing to do. I'm 100% certain he's more than fine with me watching. He's probably even fine with an MFM, although I don't feel like I need that if Samantha does not want it. I guess I just feel like - why would Samantha not want to involve me if she knows I feel this way???

[Samanthasman]

So, today, after our last talk, she offered to see Bill and make me a video. I told her I was not really into it...
I never thought I would feel like that...

[Wifesharing]

I can not speak for your relationship I don't live it daily. In mine when we started I tried to be too involved and was a lot like you and we had times where things were tense over it. I finally let my wife have the freedom I wanted her to have and let her drive. It was hard but deep down I wanted that but was afraid of the unkown and losing it all. Things have never been better she includes me more now and I get more out of this now that she is in complete control of her own sex life.

I don't know if it works for you or not, or what you are wanting out of this, but it is starting to sound like either you give her control she wants and I think you want too, or continue to feel the pain you are going through. She has basically backed you into a corner either embrace and enjoy her total sexual freedom, or not.

[Iamtheman]

Yes, Bill is the hottest lover. He fucks her for hours and makes her cum and cum and cum... He is the only one that feels comfortable taking pictures or videos. He's done 3-ways, etc. with other people in the past. He's fine with whatever she is willing to do. I'm 100% certain he's more than fine with me watching. He's probably even fine with an MFM, although I don't feel like I need that if Samantha does not want it. I guess I just feel like - why would Samantha not want to involve me if she knows I feel this way???

It sounds as though you're saying that Samantha doesn't want to let you watch her with Bill, and doesn't want you to be part of an MFM with Bill...but I don't see you writing that she is necessarily opposed to those options with another BF. Maybe it's time to tell Sid that he's going to be on camera? Sam may be opposed to a threesome or watching with Bill because she fears it might change the dynamic. If the sex is as hot as you say it is, I can understand that she doesn't want to jinx it and suddenly no one is getting off. You deserve your fantasy though. Does it have to be with Bill? Is your fantasy to watch Samantha with another man, or to watch Samantha with Bill?

[Samanthasman]

I can not speak for your relationship I don't live it daily. In mine when we started I tried to be too involved and was a lot like you and we had times where things were tense over it. I finally let my wife have the freedom I wanted her to have and let her drive. It was hard but deep down I wanted that but was afraid of the unkown and losing it all. Things have never been better she includes me more now and I get more out of this now that she is in complete control of her own sex life.

I don't know if it works for you or not, or what you are wanting out of this, but it is starting to sound like either you give her control she wants and I think you want too, or continue to feel the pain you are going through. She has basically backed you into a corner either embrace and enjoy her total sexual freedom, or not.

We have talked about just having her take full control. She says she does not want that and frankly, I don't know how well that would work. I feel like her perfect world would involve having two or more relationships, each contained in separate bubbles. In my bubble she loves me and we have a happy family and vanilla sex life. In the other bubble she has a white hot sex life and all the NRE that comes with new relationships. She tells me about the other bubble, and it's sounds really exciting and often turns me on the hear about it.

[Samanthasman]

Yes, Bill is the hottest lover. He fucks her for hours and makes her cum and cum and cum... He is the only one that feels comfortable taking pictures or videos. He's done 3-ways, etc. with other people in the past. He's fine with whatever she is willing to do. I'm 100% certain he's more than fine with me watching. He's probably even fine with an MFM, although I don't feel like I need that if Samantha does not want it. I guess I just feel like - why would Samantha not want to involve me if she knows I feel this way???

It sounds as though you're saying that Samantha doesn't want to let you watch her with Bill, and doesn't want you to be part of an MFM with Bill...but I don't see you writing that she is necessarily opposed to those options with another BF. Maybe it's time to tell Sid that he's going to be on camera? Sam may be opposed to a threesome or watching with Bill because she fears it might change the dynamic. If the sex is as hot as you say it is, I can understand that she doesn't want to jinx it and suddenly no one is getting off. You deserve your fantasy though. Does it have to be with Bill? Is your fantasy to watch Samantha with another man, or to watch Samantha with Bill?

She does not feel comfortable with an MFM or with me watching with anyone.

Bill would feel comfortable, but the issue is not bill.

[Wifesharing]

I can not speak for your relationship I don't live it daily. In mine when we started I tried to be too involved and was a lot like you and we had times where things were tense over it. I finally let my wife have the freedom I wanted her to have and let her drive. It was hard but deep down I wanted that but was afraid of the unkown and losing it all. Things have never been better she includes me more now and I get more out of this now that she is in complete control of her own sex life.

I don't know if it works for you or not, or what you are wanting out of this, but it is starting to sound like either you give her control she wants and I think you want too, or continue to feel the pain you are going through. She has basically backed you into a corner either embrace and enjoy her total sexual freedom, or not.

We have talked about just having her take full control. She says she does not want that and frankly, I don't know how well that would work. I feel like her perfect world would involve having two or more relationships, each contained in separate bubbles. In my bubble she loves me and we have a happy family and vanilla sex life. In the other bubble she has a white hot sex life and all the NRE that comes with new relationships. She tells me about the other bubble, and it's sounds really exciting and often turns me on the hear about it.

This would be pretty much her in control of her sex life. A bubble she has with you and bubble she has with them she shares what she wants from the other bubble with you you enjoy the benefits of having a totally sexy sexually free woman, even if your sex life is rather vanilla.

i am not saying that is what you should do but it works for some and she seems to want that as you said.

[SmilingHusband]

I get a super creepy feeling when I read over and over how she won't give an inch and give you an MFM or let you watch. real bad sign, IMO. my wife would do anything for me,.....why won't yours for you?

the "she thinks if she gives an inch I'll take a mile" thing above, almost made me spit my coffee onto my computer screen. not very introspective is this wife of yours eh? someone's taken a mile alright, and it is not you.

good luck man, this seems to be heading backwards.

[HowardRoarke]

I feel like her perfect world would involve having two or more relationships, each contained in separate bubbles. In my bubble she loves me and we have a happy family and vanilla sex life. In the other bubble she has a white hot sex life and all the NRE that comes with new relationships. She tells me about the other bubble, and it's sounds really exciting and often turns me on the hear about it.

And people in Hell want ice water.

Isn't this more about what you are both willing to give and not give in this arrangement, rather than what you would want (largely a life without consequences, apparently) in a perfect world?

I cannot see you giving in on this sort of system.

Perhaps if your wife approached this impasse as a problem of how best to include you, rather than how best to placate you, you might begin to see some progress?

Still pulling for both of you.

HR

[zorro]

Yes, it does strike me as a red flag that Samantha does not let you watch or join in with Bill and her, at least once in a while. Her saying if you take an inch you'll want a mile could be projection, because she wants it all without much in return. Remember that an accusation often is a reflection of what the accuser is like.

You seem to have last abandonment jealousy than a few weeks ago. But the exclusion jealousy is huge. That's how it was for me when my ex-wife was in a very open vee with her lover. She didn't even want us to talk on the phone let alone meet or be present during sex. Yes, I am biased by my own life experience. But her keeping me compartmentalized just about ended our relationship long before it eventually ended (and for other reasons).

It is as though Samantha is saying she wants to be a single woman again without being one. She won't let you be present in her pretend world of singledom. But if she really wants to be loving, she will find it in her heart to keep you involved even as she fucks other men. Okay, so you want to be present and part of the action once in a while. So why is she so withholding? Why does she make it into a big deal instead of a relative preference? Despite her protestations that she loves you, what is so hard about having enough love for both of you to keep you feeling connected and involved?

[BallSpanking]

Not everyone is cut out for this lifestyle.

[Samanthasman]

Yes, it does strike me as a red flag that Samantha does not let you watch or join in with Bill and her, at least once in a while. Her saying if you take an inch you'll want a mile could be projection, because she wants it all without much in return. Remember that an accusation often is a reflection of what the accuser is like.

You seem to have last abandonment jealousy than a few weeks ago. But the exclusion jealousy is huge. That's how it was for me when my ex-wife was in a very open vee with her lover. She didn't even want us to talk on the phone let alone meet or be present during sex. Yes, I am biased by my own life experience. But her keeping me compartmentalized just about ended our relationship long before it eventually ended (and for other reasons).

It is as though Samantha is saying she wants to be a single woman again without being one. She won't let you be present in her pretend world of singledom. But if she really wants to be loving, she will find it in her heart to keep you involved even as she fucks other men. Okay, so you want to be present and part of the action once in a while. So why is she so withholding? Why does she make it into a big deal instead of a relative preference? Despite her protestations that she loves you, what is so hard about having enough love for both of you to keep you feeling connected and involved?

We talk endlessly, but get nowhere. She's basically saying "I don't feel comfortable with the things you want (watching - even once). I'd rather just quit HWing altogether. Let's just take a break. We were fine before - let's just quit and go back to our old life. This is too complicated. Your not happy!"

I'm like "you'd rather break up with Bill forever and piss me off and lose the hottest sex of your life than go a little outside of your comfort zone and give your husband the thrill of a lifetime!!??? That makes no fucking sense in this world!!"

I just don't get it. It's insane. She can have everything she wants and she won't give an inch it feels like. There is some block. Maybe she's terrified of ever feeling forced to do anything she does not want to do!? Maybe it's a bluff, as some here feel, but the truth is that i feel like her letting me watch her with Bill at this point will actually benefit her more than me because otherwise, I'm out. I'm just not feeling it.

It's sort of like her block regarding me talking to Bill. She was opposed to that and it was really all for her. After we finally met, she was ok with it.

I don't understand this mental block. I feel like we are in a plane that is flying toward a mountain. And a simple gentle pull on the controls can avoid the crash, but I can't get her to budge. I know exactly what is about to happen. We are going to break up with Bill again. She is going to be sad and depressed. Everyone is going to be upset and unhappy. It makes no sense.

I've even asked her if she wants to separate and just be with Bill. If she loves him and wants him. She repeatedly says "no - not at all! You and I just need to take a break form the whole HW thing!"

I'm baffled!