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by Samanthasman » Sun Jun 22, 2014 1:52 am
MAJOR UPDATE: Crash... Burn... We're Done!!!!
We've been in-active recently as we figure out our next moves... It's been sort of nice reconnecting with each other without a Bull in the mix, and our closeness has grown.
One idea we've been playing with for our next go is to have Samantha take charge. Basically for her to see Bill and/or whomever she wants whenever and however she wants. This is more or less having her cuck me, but without humiliation, etc. Several people on here including MrsT, Zorro, and others have suggested this...
I would think she'd love that idea, but she has not really wanted it up until now out of fear it would make me unhappy/miserable. Fear from taking control from the person that has needs to be in control. The truth is it would be very exciting, but very scary, so we don't know the result. It would be an experiment...
As we have slowly discussed this however, something very upsetting happened: Samantha took a day trip to do some business and talked to Bill (about managing me) for a few hours on the phone while on her trip...
Now... If you have been reading our story you might remember that we've hit a few bumps up until now due to Samantha talking to and/or meeting with Bill and lying about it. This has crushed the trust between us and and really upset me. I've been on "def com 5" concerned that she will cheat or lie more and asked her repeatedly to "double down" on her commitment to being honest and our marriage. During our little "down time" and a wonderful Father's Day dinner date, she did finally say "I feel like I can finally trust myself again and I want you to know I will never lie to you again". I do ask her "so, is this the commitment I've been waiting for from you?", and she said "yes"
Needless to say, after her day trip I checked phone records (trust but verify) and saw that she had talked to Bill quite a bit, so I casually ask her "did you talk to Bill yesterday?", and she adamantly stated "no, not at all!". This perplexed me - we did not have a moratorium or anything against her calling him. She was allowed to talk to him... So I asked again and then a third time. After three denials, I went atomic.
I basically started yelling "I know you are lying... I have proof... ", she confessed..., and I told her "that's it, you are going to have to choose once and for all and forever - I never want you to ever see, speak, or interact with Bill ever again.. Ever... Do you want a divorce or separation or What?". She adamantly stated "No, certainly not!". I then demanded that she call him and terminate him permanently. She refused. I made it clear either she terminates him or I'm filing for divorce (yes, I was in the heat of anger and not totally rational). She refused and said "I care for him deeply and I'm not ready to stop seeing him". At that point I took her phone and called Bill myself. He answered and I said "Bill, we have a problem. There has been another bump and another lie. I think I was clear the last time that this was totally unacceptable to me. At this point I insist that you cease and desist from any further contact with Samantha permanently. If you ever contact her in any way whatsoever I will consider it an act of war - am I being crystal clear?". He said "yes". I ended by saying "I'm sorry it had to end like this" And hung up.
Samantha was a little shocked. I asked her to come clean about what the fuck is really going on and she has said she did not want to talk. I told her again she needed to choose - and offered that if she needs some time that we could separate while she sorts out her feelings. She said she had no interest in that and has no doubt that her family and I are more important to her than Bill, but she still wants Bill. I finally made it clear "Bill is gone.. Forever... No chance in hell he is ever coming back... Three strikes... No way.. Unless you want a divorce", and I demanded she call him and break it off herself. Reluctantly, she called him in front of me and said "Bill, I can't see you any more. I sorry! Yes, this is the end. I'm sorry. Good bye". She was very upset, but not crying...
We continued to talk for 2 more hours and I slowing calmed down and I slowly got her to talk a little more about her feelings. She really really likes him, but claims she still does not know him well enough to love him. She sees him as a vacation for her, and had been talking to him about hopefully making it work for the long term. But, always, as a supplement to her and his marriage.
I have no idea if I handled this right. I just went crazy dealing with yet another lie. I don't understand why she lied. It makes no sense. Tell the truth - no penalty other than having to deal with a few questions about what's going on. Tell a lie and deal with an atomic meltdown and losing everything.
So... Here we are. Samantha has terminated all HW activities with Sid and the new guy. I have always more or less felt that she was only seeing them to appease me and offer balance from Bill.
She is in morning. She is saying this whole thing (HWing) was a mistake. She is saying she feels like she became a slut seeing multiple men for me and in the end did many things she did not want to do all for me. She is saying also however that the whole thing is her fault for lying and mismanaging me and Bill and she feels sad, miserable, and terrible for ruining everything with the lying.
I try to ask her "why did you do it? Why the lying? Why didn't you just tell the truth?" And she said "I didn't want to deal with it, to talk about it, to get interrogated by you about what's going on with Bill, so I lied to avoid those conversations". I said "so, how's that strategy working out?".... Yes, when she lied my sensitivity went up and I asked more probing questions about her relationship making her want to talk less hide more and creating the spiral that caused this crash.
LOOKING FORWARD:
Samantha wants to go back to our vanilla life. Just focus on the two of us and never try HWing again. She is in morning about Bill. Heartbroken, but dealing with it ok. We had broken up with Bill before and so she sort of had the attitude this time around that each day was a gift and thus this time the breakup has not been quite as hard.
I had hoped after the 1st time breakup that Samantha would have seen how destructive the lying was and stopped that forever. I would have hoped that after the first breakup that Samantha would have altered her approach with Bill, but that never happened.
She briefly agreed to spend less time talking and texting, but she found that very unsatisfying, I asked to watch and be more included and she resisted. I felt more excluded and frustrated and kept telling her "by including me it only helps you and does not hurt you - by making me more a part of this it makes this an us thing and makes me happy and supportive and comfortable"
She did finally let me watch, and actually put on one hell of a hot sex show, but by the time that happened I felt so unwanted, I did not even enjoy it, and resentment was building while trust was dropping. The last straw was the last lie. Once again we were on the verge of trying something new and opening up the opportunity for hr to be with him in the way she wanted, but at the last minute we crashed into the said of a mountain.
I already feel "withdrawals" from HWing. I want a HW!! I want her to fuck other men, and am already terrified that she is done forever. She is saying she did it all for me and did thing she did not want to do and will never again... Ugggh...
Yes, we are both in morning. Yes, we will focus on us for some time as we get through this. As far as "us" goes, we are actually getting along pretty well. I ask her frequently if she is mad at me, and she says adamantly "no, not at all. I love you and I love us. I'm just hurting about this breakup and it will take time to heal. I know that I made mistakes, but will will get past this"
There has been no more contact with Bill... And I will continue to monitor that for some time...
Our threads:
Samantha Getting Started...
