Kill Bill...Asking wife to dump BF?!?!

[WantMore]

What is unattractive to you quite possibly is attractive to another. Dude now your making yourself to be a fool. No wonder Sam and you are having trouble! lol

[Artimas]

Unlike those who bow to the PC god, there is no right not to be offended. Get over it.

[SmilingHusband]

Maybe I should not say this, but, in all seriousness, when people attack strangers in a forum like this, it is obviously to compensate for some other issue in their own lives. .

is that not exactly what you did, by insulting some wives here? The comment is below you, lacks class, and you should delete it. Sentiment like that has no place here on OHW.

[jacknjuls]

a few jealous guys with particularly unattractive wives would be thrilled.

This kind of name calling is completely unwarranted and doesn't belong here. It's hard enough for some people to get the confidence to post on these forums, and BS like this doesn't help.

Oh please...ha ha ha...

Maybe I should not say this, but, in all seriousness, when people attack strangers in a forum like this, it is obviously to compensate for some other issue in their own lives. A short coming... Envy.. Jealousy... It makes absolutely no sense otherwise.

In the "real world" it's easy to to ignore negative people. In an anonymous forum, these people seem to thrive.

First- I didn't attack you; I pointed out your attack upon others. Second- my life is great; you have nothing that I envy or am jealous of. Third, if I harbor any negativity towards you, it stems from the fact that you go around polluting every other thread with your "advice" (even when not solicited) while patently ignoring any advice offered.

[Samanthasman]

..." you go around polluting every other thread with your "advice" (even when not solicited) while patently ignoring any advice offered".

What about your own words is not an attack?

I don't recall going into anyone else's threads and saying anything remotely as insulting as this. I don't recall ever insulting you on your threads. Forgive me for picking on you right now, but please read your own words, and some of the words from others that inspired my original remarks that you commented on...

Yes, I admit I'm being a little snarky here...

Since others are having fun with these sorts of comments, I'm going to start having more fun with this also

[Iamtheman]

Maybe we should all get back to the topic of the thread...

By the somewhat light hearted tone of your recent posts SM, I take it that things are better at home? Bill is finally out of the picture? How was therapy? How is the SAA going?

[Samanthasman]

Maybe I should not say this, but, in all seriousness, when people attack strangers in a forum like this, it is obviously to compensate for some other issue in their own lives. .

is that not exactly what you did, by insulting some wives here? The comment is below you, lacks class, and you should delete it. Sentiment like that has no place here on OHW.

SH - Yes, I'm being a little sensitive and a little snarky... here...

I would certainly not purposely insult any specific person, especially a lady!! All of these friends I have made on here have beautiful wives - inside and out

It's just that there is so much negativity on here... A ;lot has been written about it in other threads... Virtual cyber bullies that make repeated and unwelcome attacks on other people's threads...

It has just been my experience in life that people that have shortcomings - lack of success, the inability to attract a desirable mate, a shortage of physical abilities, charactistics, or stature, a lack of self confidence, etc. tend to be negative people.

Now, I'm not sure if negative people, just end up with bad results, or or people that get bad results become negative, but the two are clearly connected.

In the "real world" it is easy to avoid these people, and most successful and happy people do. In an anonymous forum, they tent to flock. Maybe it's the "get even with the guy that kicked sand in my face and took my girlfriend" or the "say something mean about the boss behind his back" mentality. Who knows...

Oh poopie... I'm being snarky again...

[Samanthasman]

Maybe we should all get back to the topic of the thread...

By the somewhat light hearted tone of your recent posts SM, I take it that things are better at home? Bill is finally out of the picture? How was therapy? How is the SAA going?

UPDATE:

Yes, Bill is dead.

SAA was just a passing thought... not really seriously explored.

WE are exploring couples therapy to help us explore the last bump we hit, and looking at "kink friendly" therapists. I actually explored this before we even started HWing - to get advice on the best ways to do this while maintaining a healthy relationship. I have mixed feeling about it, and have read other's thought on OHW threads suggesting this might be a good idea and might be a bad idea... but we'll try it out.

Interestingly, it's hard to get these folks to return phone calls. I guess they are busy?

Life at home is pretty good. We are focused on each other and the family. Spent the last several days together 24/7. With each passing day, Samantha's thoughts of Bill fade a little more. Over the weekend she "unfriended him" on FB and deleted his contact information. A little sad.

This morning we even woke up early and had hot sex with each other - something we rarely do in the morning - and it was inspired by Sam

She is clearly working hard at rebuilding things between us....

[SmilingHusband]

well, that's certainly some good news then.....

[Iamtheman]

Sounds like all positive progress. The boot from Facebook is definitely important in the modern twelve step recovery program :-)

Even with hot morning sex...getting a counselor involved shouldn't be overlooked. Samantha shouldn't be sad for long with family around. I kinda hope Bill even finds a new HW soon to get his thoughts farther out as well.

Hopefully with lessons learned, you guys can reboot and take more team approach from the start.

[mopacpower]

Awesome news, love to hear how things are going.

[Mike W]

SamanthaSam,

THANKS for posting this. Just spent a ton of time reading all the posts. Gives great insight!!

I hope you both get to enjoy again this lifestyle that we all embark on!

[Samanthasman]

Update:
Samantha just got caught up reading this thread! Always feels a little weird that your wife is reading your diary essentially.

She is mad that I made the comment that the negative people on here are jealous and have unattractive wives. Yes, that was a moment of weakness for me. I appologize for that and wish I could go back and just delete those posts. It was a classless comment.

She's also a little upset that I said I would tell Bill's wife if this contact continued. I admit that was another moment of weakness, but have mixed feelings.

I asked "did that accelerate the process of ending the relationship?", and she said "absolutely"... Which sort of reminded me of one of the reasons that we choose to see married men in the first place - both sides have something to lose.

Beyond that we are both introspective about what we just went through. She still thinks the whole thing with Bill got blown way out of proportion. That I was too sensitive, and the more details I wanted to know about what was going on, the less she wanted to share and the more compartmentalized things became. In other words, we got into a pattern we could not get out of. The more I pulled her in the more I pushed her away. I told her, yes that's probably true and I'm sure I made mistakes, but when you have a husband that has moved beyond his own comfort zone and you lie to him, for whatever reason, you are tossing a grenade into a bond fire. She agreed.

[viking53]

Glad to hear that you are both back on track and that things are moving in the right direction. You definitely need to get some distance to this, stop rehashing the events and just focus on yourselves. I think an unbiased therapist will definitely help you. All the best to you both.

[Iamtheman]

Viking is right. Bill's name shouldnt even be a part of the conversation. If he continues to be a part of this, even in name, she may still wonder if you'll be open to his return.

Are the two of you taking a break from hwing? Does Samantha have a date scheduled? If you're on a break, I'd leave the hwing topic and all bfs out of conversation.

[viking53]

Just now its going round in tighter and tighter circles. Yes, they need to talk about this but first they need to get some distance and get their own act together, then they can start geting to grips with what has happened. While the focus is still on who has done what and who was at fault, they are losing focus on their relationship which is far more important. A therapist can help them address what has happened in more neutral and controlled fashion.

[Iamtheman]

Just now its going round in tighter and tighter circles. Yes, they need to talk about this but first they need to get some distance and get their own act together, then they can start geting to grips with what has happened. While the focus is still on who has done what and who was at fault, they are losing focus on their relationship which is far more important. A therapist can help them address what has happened in more neutral and controlled fashion.

^^^^^ Yes

[Nectcouple]

Samantha does not want to ruin his life. It would be a ramification to both of them. But, I'm not doing it out of vengeance. I told him as a preventative measure, plus I do believe that getting his wife to put a leash on him would be helpful.

None of this would be happening if you two could behave as adults. You are probably scaring off potential HW couples with this shenanigans. You could have simply negotiated this while it was progressing and no one's feelings would have got hurt!

I have never posted to this or any other thread on here. My wife and I are interested in the lifestyle but have not made a qualifying move yet so I haven't felt qualified to say much up to this point.

I have read this thread since the beginning and have been horrified by what has transpired here so far. Its like watching a train wreck in slow motion. Its been easy to predict what would transpire in general, but each step has been far worse than anything I imagined.

My emotions have run the gambit as I've followed this thread and at times I have wanted to smack you in the head, SM, to knock some sense into you and at others, slap the hell out of Sam for what she has done to you. I am not a violent person and so I am speaking figuratively, of course, but my frustration level as I track your situation is off the charts.

If My wife and I decide to never get into HW'ing, I can point back at this thread as one of the main deciding factors. Maybe we owe you a "thank you" for that, I don't know. I do know that I'd never want to go through what you have gone through, SM, and I hope that you and Sam come through this intact. I truly do.

Either way, I know this tread, and your current situation should serve as huge, red warning flags to all of us newbies thinking about the HW lifestyle.

NECTcouple

[SmilingHusband]

NECTcouple, welcome to the forums.

you know, your own tale and journey does not have to proceed as recklessly as this one. THAT is the lesson here.

[Samanthasman]

Samantha does not want to ruin his life. It would be a ramification to both of them. But, I'm not doing it out of vengeance. I told him as a preventative measure, plus I do believe that getting his wife to put a leash on him would be helpful.

None of this would be happening if you two could behave as adults. You are probably scaring off potential HW couples with this shenanigans. You could have simply negotiated this while it was progressing and no one's feelings would have got hurt!

I have never posted to this or any other thread on here. My wife and I are interested in the lifestyle but have not made a qualifying move yet so I haven't felt qualified to say much up to this point.

I have read this thread since the beginning and have been horrified by what has transpired here so far. Its like watching a train wreck in slow motion. Its been easy to predict what would transpire in general, but each step has been far worse than anything I imagined.

My emotions have run the gambit as I've followed this thread and at times I have wanted to smack you in the head, SM, to knock some sense into you and at others, slap the hell out of Sam for what she has done to you. I am not a violent person and so I am speaking figuratively, of course, but my frustration level as I track your situation is off the charts.

If My wife and I decide to never get into HW'ing, I can point back at this thread as one of the main deciding factors. Maybe we owe you a "thank you" for that, I don't know. I do know that I'd never want to go through what you have gone through, SM, and I hope that you and Sam come through this intact. I truly do.

Either way, I know this tread, and your current situation should serve as huge, red warning flags to all of us newbies thinking about the HW lifestyle.

NECTcouple

Yikes...

Guys... my thread is a very open, real-time, honest, behind-the-scenes demonstration of things that most people never share. I suspect it sounds much worse than it felt to us.

Honestly, we both have no major regrets. Yes, we have made mistakes (and regret those), and those are well documented. But, we have had some of the most excitement and certainly the hottest sex of the last decade brought into our marriage as a result of this experiment. At the same time, our marriage is fine. Nobody is leaving anyone, and there was never any serious consideration of that option. Yes, we had some communication problems, but honestly all marriages do to various degrees at different times.

Have you never lied to your wife? Maybe not, but I suspect most people have at times. However, with the spotlight of this forum/blog and the heightened sensitivity that comes along with sharing your wife, the emotions and reactions definitely get magnified, and you can read here the results of that.

Would I do it all again. Yes. Will we try again. Probably. Will we learn from our mistakes. Probably...certainly eventually...
I'd rather deals with these sorts of problems, frankly, than the problems that can come from boredom, or infidelity, etc. in other marriages.

[Wifesharing]

NECTcouple, welcome to the forums.

you know, your own tale and journey does not have to proceed as recklessly as this one. THAT is the lesson here.

Agree this is a cautionary tale, things were rushed and very little good communication between the two. For hotwife play to work you need to make sure your relationship is rock solid, and that your communication skills are on. You need to be able to clearly express your feeling to your wife the good the bad and the ugly and you need rock solid two way trust. Neither of you can be selfish, and you have to be be able to give and take. Also don't go back and forth you have to know what it is you want and practice expressing it in a clear way and don't flip flop around. Your desires can and will change but learn to see that and communicate it with your wife, and again be prepared to be flexible your wives and your desire will not match up 100%. From what I have saw over the years strong marriages get stronger and better as the ability to communicate openly is a amazing thing. Bad marriages will blow up trying this stuff, never do this for the wrong reasons don't try this because your sex life got boring, or let me make it easier this is never going to fix a problem in your marriage if there is a problem fix that don't use this to fix it, it will not work.

Last some couples are not cut out for this at all, and well it is best to figure that out before jumping in but a strong couple can survive backing out after. I hope that is the case with this couple they can save the marriage, but to me it appears they rushed things pushed things and lacked the needed communication to make this work, my observations is this type of sexual relationship is not something they can manage. At least they tried :-).

[zorro]

Samantha does not want to ruin his life. It would be a ramification to both of them. But, I'm not doing it out of vengeance. I told him as a preventative measure, plus I do believe that getting his wife to put a leash on him would be helpful.

None of this would be happening if you two could behave as adults. You are probably scaring off potential HW couples with this shenanigans. You could have simply negotiated this while it was progressing and no one's feelings would have got hurt!

I have never posted to this or any other thread on here. My wife and I are interested in the lifestyle but have not made a qualifying move yet so I haven't felt qualified to say much up to this point.

I have read this thread since the beginning and have been horrified by what has transpired here so far. Its like watching a train wreck in slow motion. Its been easy to predict what would transpire in general, but each step has been far worse than anything I imagined.

My emotions have run the gambit as I've followed this thread and at times I have wanted to smack you in the head, SM, to knock some sense into you and at others, slap the hell out of Sam for what she has done to you. I am not a violent person and so I am speaking figuratively, of course, but my frustration level as I track your situation is off the charts.

If My wife and I decide to never get into HW'ing, I can point back at this thread as one of the main deciding factors. Maybe we owe you a "thank you" for that, I don't know. I do know that I'd never want to go through what you have gone through, SM, and I hope that you and Sam come through this intact. I truly do.

Either way, I know this tread, and your current situation should serve as huge, red warning flags to all of us newbies thinking about the HW lifestyle.

NECTcouple

Yikes...

Guys... my thread is a very open, real-time, honest, behind-the-scenes demonstration of things that most people never share. I suspect it sounds much worse than it felt to us.

Honestly, we both have no major regrets. Yes, we have made mistakes (and regret those), and those are well documented. But, we have had some of the most excitement and certainly the hottest sex of the last decade brought into our marriage as a result of this experiment. At the same time, our marriage is fine. Nobody is leaving anyone, and there was never any serious consideration of that option. Yes, we had some communication problems, but honestly all marriages do to various degrees at different times.

Have you never lied to your wife? Maybe not, but I suspect most people have at times. However, with the spotlight of this forum/blog and the heightened sensitivity that comes along with sharing your wife, the emotions and reactions definitely get magnified, and you can read here the results of that.

Would I do it all again. Yes. Will we try again. Probably. Will we learn from our mistakes. Probably...certainly eventually...
I'd rather deals with these sorts of problems, frankly, than the problems that can come from boredom, or infidelity, etc. in other marriages.

I like this post. Much of the negative feeling here was driven by fear, as now known, very much exaggerated. And the fears probably led to some prevarication and hiding information, which as we all know in our better moments, eventually backfires, leaving mistrust behind.

I do wish you two great love and happiness as you go forward, whatever road that may be.

[Samanthasman]

More comments:

I have some additional comments on your posting, NECTcouple

This thread was specifically created about a "problem" and a deep dive into that.

I could have written about Sid, and Al, and several other guys and experiences involving hot public sex, cheerleader outfits, hundreds of orgasms, and loads of cum... All if that also happened. Had that been the topic, the feedback would have been "wow... Cool... Way to go!"

There is a lot written, and you say it was like watching in slow motion, but the truth is that all of this happened over just several weeks - no so slow - and you got to see it in real time.

I really am curious about the true "risks" of HWing. The truth is we ARE playing with fire here. Anyone the says we are not is lying, in denial, or a fool. Yes, there are different "models" for doing this, and some are probably more risky than others, but this is somewhat irrelevant because different people are only prone to be interested in and/or turned-on by specific models. So telling someone to do it using a model they don't want is useless.

As I have posted all of this I've received endless personal messages. It seems that many (probably most) people hit bumps in the road when they get started. I've received scores of messages from experienced HWers sharing how they made similar mistakes that in many cases lead to at minimum marital stress and often temporary separations, councilling, etc. Of course all marriages hit bumps over one thing or another. If your wife is fucking, you are much less likely to argue over the credit cards, for example

When you play with fire, you may get burned... But when you do it over and over, you do get better at it.

This thread is documentation of one bump. I think we hit a bump involving a rare but occasional "high chemistry" match that happened early on for us. In other words Samantha met many guys and one was more special than the others from the start. Yes, this can happen to anyone (in my opinion) and just happened to happen to us early on. Had it not, I'd probably be writing about Sid and Al, and lots of hot sex from them... And the lessons learned from this experience would instead be learned at some time in the future...

[SmilingHusband]

I really am curious about the true "risks" of HWing. The truth is we ARE playing with fire here. Anyone the says we are not is lying, in denial, or a fool. Yes, there are different "models" for doing this, and some are probably more risky than others, but this is somewhat irrelevant because different people are only prone to be interested in and/or turned-on by specific models. So telling someone to do it using a model they don't want is useless.

.

yeah, the way you guys did it worked out great.

[SmilingHusband]

the emotional stuff is completely unacceptable for alot of us, as well as most swinger couples. this is for obvious reasons. there's a whole raft of us HW husbands who would not get within 100 yards of SM's HWing style.

Again, for good reason. That's where the fail comes from.