Cucked By My Pregnant Girlfriend

[quickbee]

Well Socks- Glad if you feel things are moving positively for you.

But - Tread very carefully my friend- Tread very carefully.

Trust but Confirm

[socksoff]

I'm treading about as carefully as I can. Believe me

If nothing else, the sex has been pretty damn good. Saturday, we went to a Christmas Party and while she couldn't drink, I could and did. We had sex again Thursday and a marathon session on Saturday night when we got home. I checked her cell phone yesterday. Felt guilty about it but I had to know. Not much to see. No calls to him and the only texts were as follows:

JUSTIN: Hope u r enjoying your life.

AMANDA: What is it that you want me to say? I told you I'm sorry. I feel bad.

JUSTIN: Sorry? That's it?

AMANDA: I don't want to fight.

JUSTIN: Fight? You'll see a fight in court.

AMANDA: Stop the threats. It doesn't scare me. Can't we just get along?

JUSTIN: Apparently not.

AMANDA: What do you want? What do you want me to say?

JUSTIN: You know and won't do it.

AMANDA: We're past that. Please, I don't want to fight.

And that's all there was and that was from Friday. I think what's interesting is that all these cuckold relationships that I read about, there are never fights between the wife and boyfriend. Amanda and Justin fought on several occasions. They fought on the phone, they fought in my house, I'm sure they fought everywhere. I never really listened to the substance of the arguments, just heard the raised voices. Once, they fought when he was over the house. This was over the summer. She wasn't showing much and I was upstairs while they were downstairs. I was poised and ready to attack if I heard him try to do anything to her. It was one of the times when he was coming over and Amanda told me to go upstairs, Justin didn't want me to be around. She said it in such a sweet voice, telling me it would just cause problems that I didn't need. It was yet another indignity that I suffered but I went along with it. She looked so good, wearing short shorts, with a cami type tank top/t shirt and these really sexy strappy like sandals that went up to her ankles. Anyway, he came over and I heard them fighting.

Eventually, she called upstairs and said they were leaving. Several hours later, they came back and whatever they were fighting about seemed to be over. I heard them laughing and talking and drinking (well, him, anyway) downstairs. Eventually, they went to her bedroom. I could hear the sure sounds of sex-her moaning, that slapping noise as he thrust in and out. I don't know why (and I'll never know why) I was always so curious to see them have sex. It turned me on, obviously, but it also drove me crazy. I could see him sort of on his knees, her legs up over her shoulders. I focused on them and, of course, her feet. I could see that she had a lime green type polish on her toes. I could see her feet curl as he thrust into her. I remember thinking how good it must feel to make love to her. Now I know, having been in that exact sexual position. Only difference is that I'll take the soles of her feet and kiss them while I'm thrusting in and out (at least a few times). She seems to prefer being on top with me (there's a shock, huh)

Things are just incredibly normal with us right now. Like any other couple, I suppose. Planning to head to see my family in a couple days and she seems excited about that. She brought up the subject of marriage on Saturday night and told me that she is fine with not getting married in the near future (although she thinks we'd have a great marriage and wants to get married). I found the nerve to ask her what had changed and she said something like "life just changes, that's all." She told me that once she started thinking about things, she realized that what made her happiest in the world was being with me. Yesterday, she made a ton of Christmas cookies while I watched the football games. It was a perfectly domestic blissful day. It felt right and natural to me. Can't explain it any other way.

I know her and I know how her moods can change. I don't know what to make of her shift in opinion. She always talks about "nesting" as the day draws closer to the birth and maybe that's what this is all about. Or, maybe she really has seen the light. Dunno. I really don't. I'm not sure I accept that she's ready to just leave her old life behind her but she gives every indication that that is exactly what she wants. She's been asking a lot about my childhood and talking a lot about hers. They are very emotional talks. I am a careful person, by nature. You might not believe that, but I am. I think every single thing through. Maybe, what I love so much about her is that I never gave a lot of thought to what was going on, I just reacted and enjoyed the ride.

[lannontom]

If I'm reading you correctly, lannontom, you're saying that I have to find those things out. That I have to tell her how I truly feel. That if we are to succeed together and have a meaningful rewarding relationship, we can't just ignore those things. Can't just find that temporary place of bliss. Somewhere, you said that I am afraid of that conversation and of dealing with it. In that, you are correct. I have had to leave very early the last 2 mornings. She's been asleep, next to me, when I wake up, get ready, and leave. I look at her and realize that I do love this girl, I really do love her. It's not just her physical beauty, it's something much more than that. In some ways, I am afraid. I don't know that I could go back to our old life but I'm not sure I could walk away if that happens.

I'd have to understand the situation a bit better but the things that I know

1. You fear what her truthful answer could be
2. Assuming this isn't a complete catfish, she wants you to ask these questions in a straightforward way

I personally have a rule of not making big decisions based on emotion, and let's be honest, with a girl ready to pop she's pretty freaking far away from that.

You've mentioned that you've been unlucky in love before. Part of finding the right partner is taking those risks and exposing your raw self to them. It doesn't always work out the way that you draw it up in your mind, but the other thing that real love will find a way to do is use these events - even ones as astronomically fucked up as yours - to draw you two together.

There are obviously greater dynamics than those greeting card platitudes at play here, but I must say that you're articulating yourself very well here. When this thread started I kind of braced myself for impact, but it's been anything but.

[socksoff]

I wouldn't say astronomically fucked up - maybe just largely fucked up? Like, I haven't made it out of the stratosphere, have I?

I do fear the truthful answer but for 2 different reasons. If she really does love me, well, that's scary. Makes me feel trapped, like I want to run. If the answer is she doesn't, well, that would just be heartbreaking. I've been unlucky in love based on my own bad choices and faults. Always felt trapped and always ran as fast as I could from the relationship. I guess I didn't, this time, because I never felt trapped and never felt so helpless or powerless to a woman. I was the one doing the chasing and that has happened to me in long, long time (maybe never, truthfully).

I'm just going to see how things play themselves out. That's what I've resigned myself to. Slowly, we seem to be opening up to each other and I suppose the truth will out. When I started this thread last month, I certainly didn't expect this. I guess in that sense, Amanda is right, things do change. I think a part of me always expected that impact you speak of - like a bomb exploding in my life. It may still come, I suppose, but, somehow, I don't think so. Not unless she is a sociopath or the best damn liar that I've ever met.

You did teach me something new-I had to Google "catfish." Never heard that term before, maybe, I'm getting too old. No, while I've obviously altered some facts/identifying features, etc. This is my life. In all its glory and splendor. Haha.

Emotion? She's full of them and they seem to shift like sand. She's scared, for one. She's vulnerable. But, I'd like to think that she sees that I'm really in love with her (despite my own fears of being trapped which I'm sure she doesn't know) and she loves me in the same way. I suppose we're both dysfunctional. I've said it before, but it's almost like she tested me to see how much I could take, how much I was willing to put up with. I think, sometimes, I needed to see how much I could take to show how much I really wanted this girl in my life. Being with a pregnant woman is NOT all fun and games, I can assure everyone of that.

I even worried that I was only attracted to the wild, crazy events, not the woman, herself. I've answered that. I know my feelings for her are real. I know as I write this that it would probably break my spirit and heart if she found herself with Justin again. But, being realistic, I have to brace myself for that to happen. They have a long and torturous history. What made me sexually attracted to my woman having sex with another man, I may never know. I have a lot of thoughts and ideas. I've explored some of those, here, and kept the others to myself.

Real love? I guess that's the question. Do we have it (both of us)? The future? I keep thinking of that old movie "Battle For The Planet of the Apes." At the end, one of the children asks the Lawgiver "who knows about the future?" I sure don't. I guess, as I said, the truth will out and I'll know one day. Until then, I've decided that I'm going along for the ride.

[lannontom]

Waiting it out does seem like the right path to take. It seems that both of you have some feelings to sort out between each other and about yourselves. Weirder things have happened and I guess your situation is forcing your hand.

The one thing that you can 'control' is her relationship with Justin. With you guys bringing it to new levels you're going to have to decide what works best for you and her. If her and him having sex turns you on, then you need to articulate this. If you'd rather have him not be around then bring it up. My only suggestion is that your rules thus far have been reactionary and it sounds like you two are in a good enough place to have a more all-encompassing discussion on what both of your emotional limits as it pertains to him (and others) are. Getting in front of things helps immensely

[socksoff]

She does seem to have changed rather dramatically. At Thanksgiving, my brothers and sister were laughing about how I used to do John Belushi's imitation of Joe Cocker when I was 5 or 6 (I still can't believe they used to let me stay up and watch SNL ). Amanda never heard of Joe Cocker (and was only vaguely aware of Belushi-Gawd ). Today, Joe Cocker passed away. On my Facebook page, she sent a link/post with Cocker's version of "Darling Be Home Soon." She wrote "Thought of you when I heard, today. My Darling be home soon." I have to admit that I was pretty impressed. Nothing really to do with cuckolding, but, a nice little story that, maybe, one day, we can look back on and smile about. Of course, now I'll have to hear about the Facebook post from my siblings.

[socksoff]

Speaking of SNL, Roseanne Roseannadanna used to always tell Jane, " It just goes to show you, it's always something—if it ain't one thing, it's another." Seems to about sum up this relationship.

Today, around 3:30, I received a phone call, on my cell, from Justin. He wanted to talk to me. I told him to start talking. He wanted to meet in person. I didn't like the idea, at all, and tried to beg off, but, he kept insisting it was important.

Finally, I agreed to meet him face to face but told him I didn't have a lot of time. We agreed to meet at a bar not far from my office. We agreed to meet at 4:30. I was anxious and nervous but also annoyed. I arrived before him and ordered a drink. He came in a short time later, ordered a beer and we went over to a small table to talk.

After very few pleasantries, he began by telling me, "You know she's going to come back to me, right?" I told him that I didn't know what was going on with them and had no idea what he was talking about. He told me that he didn't like my attitude. I told him that I didn't like his and got up to leave. He got a little nice and asked me to please sit down so we could talk. He said, "She always come running back to me, this time won't be any different." I again said I had no idea what he was talking about.

"She didn't tell you she told me that she didn't want to see me any more?" I told him that she had not. He laughed and muttered, "Crazy bitch." So he proceeded to tell me about their "end." He said that she'd been acting funny for weeks and, finally, she told him that it was over. She didn't want to be with him anymore. No discussion, nothing. Dropped him cold. According to him, this was behavior that she lapsed into every once in awhile. I asked him what it was he wanted from me, what did he expect me to say.

He told me that he was just giving me a friendly warning. She was a "psycho bitch" and she'd come running back to him like always. But, if that day didn't come before their daughter's birth, he was taking her to court over visitation the minute she was born. I said, "OK, well, then I guess we'll see you in court." He laughed and said, "Don't worry, you will. We'll tell the judge all about what goes on in your house. How we fuck right in front of you." He pointed to his feet and said, "Maybe, we'll even talk about how you like to jack off into my dirty socks or what a good job you do washing my clothes." I glared at him and said, "Fuck off. I have no idea what you're talking about and I'm not going to spend another minute talking about this nonsense."

"Dude," he said, "why don't you slip off my socks now and have some fun in them." I told him he was getting kind of loud and I was leaving. Again, he turned nicer and asked me to please stay. I got the nagging feeling that he was, somehow, taping our conversation but I don't know how since his coat was off and he didn't seem to have his cell phone out. In my paranoid mind, I started to think that maybe he was wearing a microphone and recorder but that was kind of crazy, wasn't it?

Then he started to get upset and said, "You know I love her, right?" I said something like, "Yeah, I get that, but look at what she's done to you, you're begging me to talk to you, you called me to tell me what I don't know. You're acting crazy."

"Did you fuck her?" he asked.

"C'mon," I said, "I'm not going to talk about this."

He asked again, "So, you finally fucked her. You weren't as good as me, I'm sure of that." I ignored the question and said that no matter what, he was her child's father and we weren't going to do anything to stop his visitation. "But, Justin," I said, "look at the way you're acting. I mean, how is she supposed to trust you if this is how you're going to act."

He asked me to please not tell her about our conversation. He ordered us backup drinks. I told him that I couldn't stay much longer.

"You think she's going to be any different with you? She's all fucked up. She's great for awhile then she does this shit. She's never satisfied," he told me. Now, I sort of laughed, and said something like all of us seemed to have issues.

"You're still going to marry her?"

"Honestly, I don't know," I said, "Probably, yeah. I love her."

"She'll come back to me, you know that right? Then what? You going to let me fuck her at my place?"

"Justin, this is insane. This is crazy talk. What is it that you want?"

"I want Amanda back, I want to raise my daughter."

I told him, again, that no one was trying to take his daughter away. I told him that he was going to sign the birth certificate and, if he didn't trust me, he could go straight to Juvenile Court and seek a Visitation Order, the day after she was born.

"I'm just giving you a friendly warning about her. She's not what you think."

"Then why do you love her?" I asked.

He had no answer. At least, none that he wanted to share with me. "What did you think she was doing with me?" I asked. He said he thought I was just taking care of her, that she needed someone to take care of her. "Why didn't you take care of her?" I asked. He said that he tried. She was never happy or satisfied for long.

I felt like we were just going in circles. "Why are you so upset?" I asked. "I mean, if you're sure she's coming back to you, why is this bothering you so much?"

He was silent. Then he said something like, "Because I'm not sure. She says she's happy now."

It was a strange conversation. For so long, I had let this man fuck and play with my woman and in my house (and on my dime). I thought he was so full of himself, so arrogant, so sure of things. Now, he just seemed sad and heartbroken. I didn't know what to say to him. I said that there were other women, lots of women, he was good looking and had a lot to offer to someone. He needed to just let go if that's what she wanted.

He nodded. "There's no one like her. She's exciting, beautiful and ..... She'll do it you, too."

What he said bothered me, I won't lie. He's known Amanda a lot longer than I have. He obviously knew things about her that I didn't. She had broken him. I don't know what exactly she said when she split with him but it obviously had broken his spirit.

I told him I hoped that she wouldn't do it to me. I had no idea what the future held. Neither did he. I told him "But, you have a daughter coming in a couple of months. You have to be smart. You have to be strong."

"You're not going to try and stop visitation?" he asked. "Only if you pay child support," I said with a smile and then quickly added, "Just kidding. Of course I'm not going to try and stop you from seeing your daughter. Neither will Amanda, I'm sure of it."

"Just take care of them," he said. I assured him that I would. Then, he shook my hand, got up and left. I ordered another drink and sat there and drank it. My hands were shaking. It had been an unsettling conversation. I half thought that he was lurking out in the parking lot to confront me again, but, I saw him through the window get into his car and leave. I sipped my drink.

I looked at my phone. Numerous missed calls, voicemails and texts from Amanda. All her text messages were the same. "Don't talk to him. Come home. What are you doing? Please ANSWER ME!!!!" Same with the voicemails.

I went out to the smoking patio and called her. No one was outside near me. I sipped my drink. She started immediately, "He said he was going to meet you. Are you OK? What did he tell you? Is everything OK?"

I told her everything was fine. I told her that he was just upset. Everything was fine. She apologized 20 times and started to cry. I told her to stop crying, everything was fine. I'd be home soon. I told her I had to go back to the office and pick up some stuff and do a little work and I'd be home around 9:00. I asked how she was feeling. Told her we were going to leave for my sister's house around noon, tomorrow. I told her I loved her. She told me she loved me.

So, I came back here to the office. I typed out, as best as I can remember (although I did have 3 drinks, so maybe I'm a little hazy on some of the specifics of the conversation) what just took place. I wish I could say that I was happy. I'm not. I feel for Justin, he was a mess. I don't know if his warnings were the crazy words of a spurned lover or whether she is capable of doing the same to me. I also get the feeling that he's not going to stop. He's going to keep calling her and trying to get back together with her. Too much drama, that's for sure.

I also know now that Amanda and I have to have a long talk about this and our future. She wants to talk when I get home. Maybe, I should just keep drinking (I'm having a beer here at the office as I type this). I'm not looking forward to this. I know my situation is different than most but has anyone had to deal with a boyfriend that you're significant other broke up with? Terribly upsetting to see the ex and hear what he has to say. I wish I had just told him that I couldn't talk.

[lannontom]

Well if this is a chess game then you have him on the ropes. He is acting completely impulsively, and is desperate. I've had discussions like this before and I think he's acting selfishly. If there are truths in there then it's not worth trying to discern what they are - the only thing you are sure of is that you've received what he feels will poison you most against her. You are also sure he feels that he's hit a wall with Amanda.

Why do you regret seeing him, this is only a problem if you are weak and feel you believe whatever he says. I don't know you, but I'm assuming you're not. You gained valuable insight on the entire situation.

You handled yourself well. No matter how this works out you can hold your head high.

PS: good job beating off into his socks, it bothered him. As weird as it sounds, you established a minute level of dominance with cumming into a pile of cotton.

[Samanthasman]

She and Justin are very immature people. Could she go back to him? Absolutely. Will she? I'd say a lot had to do with you. She is sick of her situation with Justin and wants a better life. You offer a path to that. But, she might still struggle with what she wants vs. What she needs. And, immature people don't always make the best decisions.

[WannaBcuckagain]

Socks - I just found this thread and I think I understand your feelings and actions as well as any other person can. Well, except for the foot fetish LOL - but I am sure there is an erotic experience that happened in your life that gave you those feelings and I didn't have that experience. (Plenty of other weird experiences, but not that one.) The beginnings of you and Amanda are as erotic as I have ever read. Hope you put this into an ebook. It's that good. ;-)

You have been enjoying your relationship with Amanda and have been open about sharing it here. Good for you! Those who choose to criticize you for being in this relationship should keep it to themselves. It's your relationship... not theirs. There are others who offer helpful comments and those are worth considering. But let the critics comments run off your back like water off a duck.

My GF is a lawyer and I find Justin's threats to take Amanda to court to be laughable. He did come up with an nice try to intimidate you in your meeting with him and you handled it beautifully... "what are you talking about?" LOL. He is as hooked on Amanda as you are and he is desperate to get her back. Too bad. As for him recording your conversation - yup. I would have thought the same thing.

Thanks for sharing your story.

[socksoff]

@WannaB Thanks for the comments, glad you like my writing style. My experiences with Amanda are the most erotic experiences in my life and I'm glad my summaries provide a true erotic description of how I felt/feel. Your GF is a lawyer? Does she enjoy it? I still do, on most days, but it has turned out to be far more stressful than I ever imagined. The criminal cases (which I spend the most time defending) are stressful enough-being in private practice and making sure I get paid is more stressful than anything. It's an up and down existence, financially. There are months where I can't seem to stop people from paying me and other months (like December) where no one wants to or can pay (it's Christmas, after all). I did think he was recording me (and still do) although Amanda says there's no way he did (or tried). I watched what I said so if he was recording, he got nothing.

The foot fetish? Yeah, it came from my sister and her friend, Robin. My sister is 4 years older than me. Sometime around 1980 (early 80s), my sister went to a Catholic School (as did I). That Catholic School girl outfit, it's all I really saw and I thought it was great. Anyway, one day, Robin and my sister were at the house. I was playing my Atari 2600 and wouldn't let them watch TV. Somehow, Robin came up with the idea of playing a game against me and the winner got to control the TV. I won naturally and they came up with the idea of playing cards to get control of the TV. Little did I know that they were going to cheat, but, they did. They won and I tried "double or nothing." Since there was no "double" to speak of, my sister came up with the idea of if I lost, I would have to get them snacks and soda. I lost. I kept trying to win and kept losing and the bets became more and more outrageous. Finally, I think to stop me, my sister said that if I lost again, I'd have to smell their socked feet. I think she did it to get me to say "no more," but I thought it would be impossible for me to lose so many games in a row. I tried again and failed and had to smell their feet. Silly sounding, I know, but that's what happened. I thought I would be repulsed by it but I wasn't. I loved the smell. We played a couple more times and the losses added to more of the same.

After that, I used to constantly sneak into my sister's room and get her smelly, dirty socks and smell them. I was too young to do anything with them but it was clear that that's how the foot fetish began. Once, I remember taking all of her worn socks and having a stash of them. My Mom asked if I knew where they were because my sister only had 1 pair left. I said I didn't and, then, several days later, told my Mom I found them, in a small pile near our washing machine (in our basement). It must have made sense that my Mom or sister had set them there to put in the washer and just forgot them because I wasn't asked about them again. The weirder part of the story was Robin. The next summer, we went swimming at a swim park with a large group from our church. I was over by the snack stand when Robin came over and asked if I would buy her a Coke. I told her "no" and she slapped me. Lol. Right across the face. Then she rubbed my cheek and said something like, "C'mon, you know you want to." I said I didn't and she hit me again. Not real hard but it was sort of shocking. Lol. Finally, she said that if I did, she'd be nice, so I did. I got my pop and her drink and we sat at a little picnic table. She said that she was going to be nice to me and said she wanted to show me something, so I followed her to a little area where there were trees. She sat on the grass and said something like, "I know you like feet so I'm going to let you smell mine." I tried to say that she was crazy but she said that it was OK, she knew. I sat by her feet and I did smell them and, for the first time, kissed a foot. She seemed to get a kick out of it. I begged her not to tell my sister and she said she wouldn't but that I shouldn't either. I didn't. Occasionally, as the years passed, we would engage in the same type of play. By the time I was a teenager, all those 80s nylons were in vogue (not to mention the Madonna type socks) and Robin would let me indulge in my fetish. She was (and still is) very pretty. Dark hair, almond skin, very thin. She was married, had 2 kids, got divorced and, after her divorce, I met her out a couple of times when she passed through town (I live about 90 minutes away from my family and Robin). Still played with her feet but got to have real, honest to goodness adult sex with her, finally (this started about 10 years ago).

But, I digress.

@Samantha - they are both immature, that's true. But, then, they are young. Amanda is 24 and acts like it. Justin's a little older but acts like he's 21. As for need vs. want, that's really the question, isn't it?

@lannontom - you're right, of course, about him trying to poison my thoughts of her. I know that but considering their relationship, considering that she flat out cheated on me at the beginning of our relationship (and kept on doing it with my assent) leaves me wondering about what she will do in the future. She can't seem to get away from the guy. I regret seeing him because he looked devastated and beaten. Don't know why that bothered me so much other than to say that I hope that I don't one day end up like him. If you could have heard the way he talked, obsessing about things, repeating things-it was just unnerving. Not to mention, I fear that I have opened up the door for him to contact me again and bring more drama into my life (as if there isn't enough already). Which is not to say that I'm sorry she chose to end things with him-I'm not.

The Aftermath of it. I got home and Amanda was a wreck-asking what he said, what he wanted. She kept apologizing for bringing me all this grief. I told her everything was fine. I told her that he was worried about seeing their daughter when she was born and I assured him that there would be no issues. I told her he threatened me with airing our dirty laundry and I ignored his comments and told him not to make threats. I replayed the whole conversation for her and she seemed satisfied and at ease. We were sitting in the living room and when I was done, she said that I handled things perfectly and we could just be alone now, no interferences. As crazy as this sounds, she dropped to her knees and said she wanted to suck my cock. She said she wanted to show my how she loved me and loved that I protected her.

So, she did. I blew right in her mouth. To be honest, it felt good to hold the back of her head and guide her up and down on my cock. I liked hearing her "sounds" (you know, the "mmmmm"s). I thought about a time back in the summer, when I was upset with her because Justin had stayed overnight and they were loud and flagrant about their sex. She was so bitchy and antagonistic about it but she said that she would make me feel better. She slid my pants and underwear off and started to stroke my cock. She'd put her mouth right near my cock and every time I thought that she would put her mouth on my dick, she'd get close, dribble a little of her spit on my cock or her hands and just keep stroking. She would say things like, "How good would my mouth feel right now?" But, outside of a few licks, a few kisses, she just stroked me, every now and then, moistening my cock with her saliva. She stroked until I came. Now, just a few months later, here I was coming in her mouth.

We did have a long, long talk that night and on the way to see my family. She really had no answer for what changed about her feelings for Justin other than she realized that it was me she wanted to be with. She said that she'd realized it, for sure, at Thanksgiving. She told me that I was one of the strongest, yet gentle, men she had ever known. Told me she felt safe with me and knew, given how I'd been so good to her, that I would be good to her child. She said that one day while I was at work, she had gone through my old photo albums and saw pictures of me with other women (from my past). She said she just felt flashes of jealousy at the thought of me being with someone else. Then, when we were at my brother's house, we had watched old movies of my family. She said that one scene made her cry. I was a young boy (about 10) and my family and I were on vacation. It was a rare vacation-we never seemed to have much money. We were in Orlando, Florida and, anyway, there was a short clip of all of us by the hotel pool. She said that we all seemed so happy even though our lives had been so tough. She said that there was a song playing in the background of the clip that just seemed perfect for the scene (for you music lovers, it was "Hummingbird" by Seals and Croft-it was on a radio at the pool). She said that watching that old video/film made her laugh, smile and cry at the same time and she realized then how much she loved me.

She said that she wasn't sure, though, that I was going to be willing to stay with her. She said she's so messed up, etc. and afraid that I was going to wake up one day and realize that she's too much trouble. And, that, is why she panicked so much about Justin's meeting with me-she thought it would make me change my mind about her. She also brought up that she wondered if I didn't actually enjoy her sexual experiences with Justin. We have never used the word "cuckold," but that's what she was getting at. I told her the honest truth that it both excited me and angered me. I tried to explain my feelings, that it was exciting to watch and somehow it was erotic to be denied but that, now that we had had sex, I liked that a lot better. I also told her that I was doing a lot of things to keep her happy, that I didn't want her to leave me.

Well, it was a long talk and I think we're in a better place. We had a wonderful Christmas with my family and a wonderful "private" Christmas when we got home. For her part, she says that what she feels is "mature" love. She says she loves to kiss me, loves to hear about my days, loves to spend time with me, loves to laugh with me and loves to make love. She says that, sexually, she's turned on in a way that she's never felt before. She claims that when I touch her, her body tingles and she just wants to be one with me. I've checked her phone, she has had no contact with Justin that I can see (although there was a text from him on Christmas wishing her a Merry Christmas). It actually made me jealous but she doesn't know I check her phone so no way I could tell her that.

For my part, I do love her. She's still the sexiest, most beautiful and most exciting woman that I've ever known. I'd be lying if I said that I was sure I wasn't scared of being tied down. I'm not sure how our relationship will go as we progress down this normal path. I hope the craziness of the last few months wasn't what I was drawn to. I guess I'll just have to see what happens.

Last night, we were watching (well, I was watching, she was tolerating) the Shittsburgh Steelers game. She stuck her socked feet onto my lap on the couch and told me to massage them. I gave her a "Yes, ma'am" and she laughed and said, "Just because I'm in love with you doesn't mean I'm not in control here. Get to work." I'm not crazy, I did as I was told. I continue to wait to see what the future holds.

[jc6morw]

You have Justin "on the ropes" but that may not be in your best interest. I'll get back to that later.

They are both young and immature. If her past is a mess, she probably feels unworthy of your love and therefore insecure that it may all vanish when one misunderstanding triggers things that spirals out of control (like your checking her phone.) Justin is immature and volatile like her, and she may have felt that battling him may be rough, but they would share mutual compassion about surviving despite character faults.

Your best play might be to help Justin get on his feet onto stable relationship with another woman, hopefully a step in the mature and stable direction. First Justin would be spoken for. In addition, you can revisit your cuckold fetish with confidence, Amanda would not feel sympathy for Justin, and their history/magnatism might be used in your favor.

Of course, first priority is her, the baby, and you. In any case, hope to hear about great things with you and Amanda.

[Samanthasman]

Remember that relationship ebb and flow... Don't be surprised if Justin comes back into her life a few more times before she finally finally figures out for good that he's not good for her...

[WannaBcuckagain]

Thanks for the response. To answer your question...

" Your GF is a lawyer? Does she enjoy it? I still do, on most days, but it has turned out to be far more stressful than I ever imagined. The criminal cases (which I spend the most time defending) are stressful enough-being in private practice and making sure I get paid is more stressful than anything. It's an up and down existence, financially."

Does she enjoy it? Overall, no. The "idea" of helping people and "making a difference" was very appealing to her initially and still is, but the reality is that things don't work that way very often. She chose to work for the state and for 20+ years was prosecuting DCFS abuse cases. Due to politics her position was eliminated and she was out of work for a year, took a job (not lawyer) for a short time, then was offered another state job as a public defender. She took the offer because while she qualifies for state retirement plan, adding another 5 years will max out her retirement plan with the state and that is her goal.

Now for the bad part... she is dealing with the dregs of society on a regular basis. These are people who have created their own nasty reality and now they want her to sprinkle magic fairy dust on the problems and make them disappear. They are like your clients but with less money available to them. The stories about the idiotic stuff her clients do are amazing. She should hang a sign over her office door that quotes Larry the Cable Guy... "You Can't Fix Stupid".

To add insult to injury, not only is the work less than stellar, but the money is crazy bad. This is a litigator with 20 plus years experience and she makes about $60k per year. For the responsibilities, the BS, the training required, and the STRESS... that's pretty bad. But she wants to max out her pension so she is there plugging away at it.

The only good thing about the stress is that she finds sex to be a stress-reliever. ;-)

About the feet thing... I can see how that might have given me a foot fetish too. LOL. (The great thing about liking feet is how publicly they are displayed.) The thing that visually stimulates me is the sight of a shaved vulva. I can say that it started in a similar was as your foot fetish but will have to leave that story for a private conversation. Message me any time you'd like to chat privately.

[Truckstar]

This is in the Library so as it is not a guide, I assume fiction. Correct?

[sedmwif]

AWSOME! Great writing, not sure what I enjoy the most. The "serious" comments from readers, or the equally "serious" reply from socksoff. Where does fiction end and reality begin!

[socksoff]

@WannaBe

I'll tell you this, I wish, sometimes, that I had taken a public position, just so that I would have been a part of our state's public employee's retirement system. I've been at this quite a long time and my retirement plan is sorely lacking. Too much inconsistency in the money that comes in. Like I said, certain months, I feel like I can't turn off the money faucet, other months it's as dry as a desert. We do not have a "true" Public Defender in our county. Lawyers are appointed on an individual basis. I still do court-appointed work but most of my cases are retained, so, in that, I'm lucky.

Most of my clients are the dregs of society, as well. I've tried numerous capital murder cases, plenty of plain old murder cases and everything else. Where I was lucky is that I had a string of good fortune early in my career. Made a name for myself winning some high profile cases and built up a steady client base. Stress? I know the feeling. I sometimes wonder if that fed into this whole Amanda fascination. Not only did (and does) she sexually arouse me, the idea of not being in control, of just rolling with the flow, made me feel a lot less stressed. Definitely relieved certain tension in my life (while drastically increasing sexual tension ) I'll be sending you a private message, soon. Actually just got out of a rather stressful criminal jury trial (but hell, I got "Not Guilty" verdicts so I can't complain). It was a quick 3 day trial, so, at least it was only 3 days of stress. I still feel like I do help some clients but I'm not as idealistic as I was when I was younger.

@Samantha - ebb and flow? I hear you. I keep waiting for Justin to rear his head back into our lives but up to this point, she hasn't seen or heard from him. Fortunately, neither have I. But, it's only been a couple weeks, so we'll see.

@jcmorw - funny you mention Justin getting in a relationship. I have thought the same thought a million times. I can only hope it happens (and sooner rather than later). The funny thing is that I know she's drawn to me because in a lot of ways, I'm nothing like her. I'm stable and there aren't very many things that rattle me. She sees me as this "strong" guy who isn't afraid of much and has navigated his way through a rather difficult life. I know that I make her feel safe and secure. Where I'm lucky is that she also feels some wild, crazy passion for me, too. Even in our craziest times, the passion was always there.

Funny, too, after the Holidays are over, I always go through a major depression. I think once the Holidays are over and I'm separated from my brothers and sister, I realize how much I miss my parents and family. True, my siblings are less than 2 hours away, but, sometimes that feels like a million miles. As the years pass, I realize how much older we keep getting. I'm not the 8 year old boy tagging along with my older brothers any more. They're not college age guys anymore. I mean, the years seemed to have flown by. I know they just want me to settle down, get married and have kids. I think they figure Amanda and I are going to stay together and, despite their reservations about our age difference, they seem to be happy that I'm in a relationship where I seem happy.

Amanda saw some of the depression. Don't ask me why, but I seem to be stuck listening to old music right after the holidays - remembering those long ago days. I've been listening to things like England Dan and John Ford Coley ("Nights Are Forever" and "We'll Never Have To Say Goodbye Again" for example). Reminds me so much of being a young kid in those days-right around the time we lost my father. Everyone seemed to be in shock, but, somehow, the radio and that music made us all feel better. Can't describe it other than that. Music healed my family and kept us all close in some almost magical way. To this day, we all text and post on each others Facebook pages links to songs and get into detailed conversations about songs. Plus, this year, those songs seem to resound within my psyche and soul. I realize as corny as those lyrics are, they seem to reflect the way I feel about Mandy. I realize that I do truly love her and I love knowing that she loves me. Firefall, too. All that mid to late 70s pop/rock.

Amanda said she could sense something was wrong with me and she wondered if it was her. I tried to explain to her what I am explaining here. Firefall "Just Remember I Love You" was playing at the time. We were in my home office as I was trying to do trial preparation in anticipation of the case that I just tried. She listened to the lyrics (which aren't necessarily bright and cheerful) and we had a long discussion about our lives and our future. She told me that I've been the only reliable, completely loving and accepting person in her entire life. She again said that she was afraid that she would end up chasing me away, that she would do something to screw up our relationship. She told me that, in part, that's why she carried on in such a cavalier way with Justin. Sort of a preemptive strike. She'd end it that way before I ended it, leaving her. I told her about my own fears about commitment, in the past, and how I knew something was different with her. Something about her made me want to stick it out (she doesn't know I still harbor doubts about my ability to do that). She said that from the first moment at my house, the first night, she knew that I was special, that I was the man she wanted to spend her life with. I think we both agreed that our lives were filled with excitement because of the other person.

She admitted that she's immature and insecure. She said that she hoped that I would be understanding should she make mistakes in the future. I raised my eyebrows and said, "Not with Justin." She laughed and said, "No, not with Justin. Don't worry, that's over." I don't know, it seems that we've talked a lot lately about all these things. I don't know what our future brings. I don't know how I feel about future cuckolding. I think for now, we're both just trying to find a zone where we both understand each other and accept each other. It's odd, the whole Justin months kept us from actually having to deal with relationship issues that would have come up. It's like we played for months and now realize that there's a lot at stake with us and that our mutual feelings of love for each other require some care and nurturing. I don't know if I'm explaining all this the right way. I just know that we're talking a lot.

Talking .... and a lot of sex. Some great sex. She keeps telling me that she doesn't know when the pregnancy is going to interrupt our sex life, so we need to get as much of it now as possible. See why I love her? She tells me that I have something that Justin (or any other man) never had with her - tenderness. She says that even when we're at our most wild, sexually, there is a tenderness and emotion to my sexual acts. She is such a broken person in so many ways. I feel like she thinks I'm this perfect guy and I don't want to ever let her down. Not sure if I can live up to such a noble standard, but, I sure am trying.

@sedmwif - I'm glad you like the writing but the "serious" commentary is just that. This is my life and I'm trying my best to figure out all these things that, truthfully, I've never bothered to try and get right. So, no, Truckstar, as I've stated above, while I have slightly altered certain facts and identifying characteristics to obscure my identity and life (who the hell knows who is reading these boards, it could be someone that I know), these posts, this narrative, is not fiction. I posted here, in the Library, as it said it was a place for fiction and non-fiction. What I write sure as hell isn't a guide, though. If I had a guide, maybe I could have figured out a lot of this stuff more easily.

So, this first post of the New Year doesn't contain any wild stories about my cuckold experiences. I'm sure once I read it, after I post it, I'll realize that it's probably just a little bit of a downer. Haha. I'm still at my office, trying to catch up things that I've neglected for the last couple weeks but I'm tired. Jury trials burn you out. I'm having Bailey's and coffee and am feeling pretty good. Snowing and cold here and I have to get home to Amanda soon. She's been sleeping a lot, lately. I mean she'll fall asleep at 10:00 and sleep for 12 hours. The body pillow on the bed annoys the hell out of me, but, if it makes her more comfortable, who am I to complain? I'd rather be sleeping with her and a body pillow then, say, her and Justin.

[Truckstar]

My fear is that if this is true like you say it is and the truth is often stranger than fiction as Allengt often reminds us - you are going to get so mugged off by these two people and she will have half your stuff and you will pay for their kid for the rest of your life.

I hope I am wrong. I also hope you are enjoying this as much as your readers.

[Wookie]

Reading back a bit I believe that he said there was a pretty solid pre-nup and that Justin would be signing the birth certificate

[socksoff]

No worries about the financial end of things. That's already been discussed.

So, I had a dream on Saturday night. In the dream, Mandy called me downstairs to the TV room. She was on the couch, wearing a short plaid skirt and black shirt. She wore knee high type socks. She wasn't pregnant in the dream (or at least, she wasn't showing). Justin sat on the couch next to her, wearing shorts and a T-shirt. Mandy started to complain that her feet were sore and Justin wouldn't massage them. She told me to get down on my knees and massage her feet. I was embarrassed but did what she commanded. I started to rub her feet when she told me to kiss them. While I was doing this, she and Justin started to kiss. She told me to rub her feet hard, they were really sore. So, I really rubbed and kissed her feet. Suddenly, she bent over and slid Justin's shorts off. He was hard and she started to give him a blow job. Justin told me to stop what I was doing and watch how she sucked his cock. He laughed and said, "I told you she'd come back. You love that cock, don't you, Amanda?" All she could do was mutter, "mmmm" while she sucked him.

I woke up and was really hard. Amanda slept next to me. The dream was unsettling to me. I wondered whether I missed knowing Amanda was fucking Justin, whether the dream was just part of the paranoia and poison that Justin tried to bait me with, whether it was some odd premonition that Justin had somehow contacted her again or whether it didn't mean anything at all.

The next day, I checked Amanda's cell phone. No messages from Justin, no history of his number in her calls. However, while looking through her phone, I found some interesting videos. I could only watch one as I figured she'd be up any minute. It was a video, taken over the summer. It started out with a real close up of Justin's crotch. He was wearing shorts. Justin said, "Take them off, you know you want to." The phone must have been held by Amanda, who passed it to Justin, because the scene went kind of blurry until you saw Amanda's smiling face. She said, "I do." She was wearing a bathing suit, a bikini. She slid his shorts off and his erect cock stood out. She kissed it, licked it, and started to lick his sac. She was on her knees and in between his legs. He grabbed her head with one hand and put it on his cock and she started to suck him. She went fast, her head really bobbing up and down. Occasionally, he would say, "Yeah," or something like that but she sucked him until he tensed and blew his load into her mouth. He said, "Oh yeah, let me see." She opened her mouth and there was a huge load of his cum. She smiled and gulped it down and the video cut off. I had to wonder why she was saving these videos but I had no way of asking her without admitting that I was spying on her cell phone.

She went shopping Sunday while I watched football. When she came home, she was tired and her feet were sore. She sat next to me on the couch and plopped her legs on my lap and asked me to take her Uggs off and massage her feet. She told me about her shopping trip and tried to feign interest in the Denver-Indi game. I had, truthfully, been horny as hell all day (either a result of the dream or maybe watching the video) and she noticed. "Hmmm, what have we here?" she said while stroking my crotch. She slid my shorts off and started to give me a foot job, with her socks on. I came really quickly. She spread her own legs and said, "your turn." I went down on her with my mouth and orally brought her to climax.

That night, I decided to ask how she was doing without Justin. She said she was doing just fine. I told her about my dream. After telling me she thought it was an odd dream, she asked if it turned me on or made me mad. I kind of lied and said, "I don't know, maybe a little bit of both." I tried to explain to her that there was something hot about watching her have sex. She asked if I wanted her to find someone to have sex with. She laughed when she said it and I told her that I didn't. I just reiterated that it was somehow both arousing and frustrating. We then had a talk about how our relationship had started, what we'd been through and where we were. We both expressed our mutual feeling of love and both admitted that it had been a strange and different 2014.

Then, she said, "So, it turned you on a little when I was fooling around with Justin?" I admitted that it did. She asked if I wanted her to be with him again and I said, "Absolutely not." I told her that I was just trying to be honest. "Wanna see a video?" she said. "Excuse me?" I said. "A video. Want to see me having sex?" she answered. I told her I didn't know but I guessed so. She went and got her laptop. She had a hard drive with her and connected it. After a few minutes, she opened a video. It was in a room I didn't recognize (and later found out to be their bedroom in their apartment). She wore a very sexy black lingerie corset that was mostly mesh, with matching panties. Justin was talking at the beginning but the video stayed focused on her. Eventually, the camera (or phone) was moved so that there was a clear shot of the bed. She and Justin could be heard off camera. Finally, they entered into the picture. Justin's stood by the bed and his back was to the camera and she laid on the bed and took off his pants. She started to suck his cock (which you couldn't see but could hear). After a minute, she got on all fours on the bed and he got on the bed and entered her from behind. They fucked doggie style for a few minutes-he grabbing her head and hair, she moaning out loud. Eventually, he pulled out and laid on his back. His face was not in the shot, but she got on top and started to ride him. While I watched the video, I noticed that I was getting a little aroused. I finally told her to turn it off and immediately started to kiss her. "I need to fuck you," I said.

She sucked me a little and then did the usual reverse cowgirl on top of me. We fucked until she climaxed but I still wasn't ready. She was panting and out of breath but she dutifully started to stroke my cock with her hand. Eventually, she put her mouth on my cock and started to give me a blow job. I finally came.

Afterwards, we talked some more. I asked why she had made the videos and she said that Justin had a thing for videos. I asked why she kept them and she said she wasn't really sure. "But, I'm thinking you must be glad I did," she said. I sort of laughed and said, "I don't know, I'm not sure how I feel." I told her I didn't need the videos to get me aroused, she did that just by being next to me. Still, I had to admit that it was incredible to see her in the act. I tried to explain to her how when we made love, I loved to kiss her body, loved to watch her and hear her moans. She was an incredibly sexy woman.

She told me that she'd get rid of the videos, it really didn't matter to her. She loved me and was happy with me. Justin was just a part of her past. I told her we'd talk about it another day, that I really didn't care one way or another (which was a lie as I really wanted to see all the videos).

Monday, we had a Dr.'s appointment and I had a few hearings in the afternoon. I wanted to be home early to watch the CFB Championship Game. Of course, like clockwork, my cell phone blew up that afternoon. 2 of the calls were from Justin. I guess my time of peace from him was over. I did return his call and he wanted to talk again. I told him I wasn't missing the Ohio State game for anything (my alma mater). I told him maybe later this week. He asked if he could come over to the house to talk and I told him absolutely not.

I brought home wings and fries to eat and watch the game and, of course, Amanda had a craving for, of all things, Ho hos. So, I had to hurry to the grocery store and get her those. We watched the game (well, she dozed off at halftime) and I stayed up until 2:00 watching the post game (great game). This morning, she was actually up early with me. She was happy that my team had won (and that I was happy). I told her Justin had called and she very matter of factly told me that I should ignore him and don't meet with him. "It's over," she said "and he needs to get that through his head." She wasn't upset or angry and, in fact, decided to give me a pre-work blow job.

But, I know he won't get it through his head and I am debating what to say to him when I meet him.

[Wookie]

I actually think that you talking to Justin on the phone would be useful. It's his kid after all and as the apparent adult in the room it would be handy for you to keep that line of communication open.

As to meeting, why waste time? First off, he wants something you don't want. Secondly, he's trying to manipulate you - why waste your time? Thirdly, a negotiation of this nature requires both parties bring something to the table that the other party wants. What do you want from him? (I can guess the answer - nada)

[socksoff]

What I really want from Justin, I guess, is to exit the picture, gracefully. I realize that isn't going to happen.

So, I did meet with him late last week. Again, at a bar/restaurant, and again he was a bit out of control. Amanda was worse than he was. When I told her that I was meeting him, she went crazy. I mean, really crazy. She was screaming, crying, I can't begin to explain it. She told me that he was out of her life, out of our lives, and what did I think I was going to accomplish. I calmly tried to explain that I just wanted him to calm down and exit our lives and that maybe by talking to him, I could help accomplish that. She said he'd twist everything, try to smooth talk his way back into our lives. She simply couldn't be reasoned with and she blew up my phone the entire damn day. Her calls were like our discussion - crazy.

But I met with him, anyway. He was there ahead of me. Apparently, way ahead of me, because he seemed to be pretty well on his way to a monster drunk. In many ways, it was a repeat of the first meeting. His initial "thanks for meeting with me" quickly turned into a lot of shit. He started with the fact that she was pregnant with his child and he had a right to know what was going on with the baby and pregnancy. I couldn't disagree with him and told him everything was fine. I explained the last doctor's visit and what we could expect over the next couple months. He then said that he was tired of her hanging up on him. I had no idea what he was talking about. He told me that since she refused to answer her cell or respond to his texts, he had started calling the house phone during the day. She would pick up the phone and hang up without him even saying "hello." I kind of found this odd because we do have caller ID on the house phone, so she would know who was calling. Why she would even bother to pick up the phone just to hang it up made no sense to me (unless she was just trying to get him angry). I didn't share any of my questions with him, but, just listened.

He then said he had stopped over the house and she wouldn't answer the door. I told him that I didn't want him coming to the house, whether I was there or not. He said something like, "You didn't mind me coming over there when she was fucking and sucking me." Again, since I had no idea if he was trying to record me, I said, "I don't know what the fuck you're talking about and I'm just leaving if we're going to start this shit again." He leaned into me and whispered, "C'mon, I know you want to jack off into my socks. You love feet and socks, don't you? C'mon, I'll let you do it, just get her to talk to me."

I got up to leave and he asked me to please stay. I started to get angry and said, "Listen, you come to my house one more time, and I catch you, I'm going to kick the shit out of you. Then, I'm going to call the police, then I'm going to get a restraining order. Then, I'll have you arrested and jailed every time I see you near my house. You'll lose whatever visitation rights you will get. So stop." He laughed and said that if I called the police or went to court, he'd tell everyone everything. "I have proof we were fucking in your house." I caught him off guard and said, "What, the videos? Yeah, so what? I've forgiven her for cheating on me. Next?" He didn't know what to say. I mean, it looked like I punched him in the gut and he was trying to catch his breath.

I told him if he wanted to talk like adults, I would, otherwise, I was leaving.

He gathered his thoughts and again said he had a right to know what was going on with the pregnancy. I told him that I would be glad to keep him updated. My phone, in the meantime, was blowing up. Mandy was making call after call to me. I ignored them.

"She'll always love me. She'll eventually come back. I can't wait to fuck her again, maybe this time, we'll fuck right in your bed."

I got up and was halfway out the door when he came running over to me, pleading with me to not leave. I said that he had one more chance and that was it.

He said, "All right, I'm not saying this to make you mad, but, you've seen the videos? Doesn't it piss you off? She's such a great fuck."

I looked him right in the eyes and said, "Yeah, she is a great fuck isn't she?"

For the second time, he looked like I had punched him in the gut. "So, you're fucking her, now?" I said, "Justin, just stop."

Then he looked like he was going to cry. He finally asked what he was supposed to do. He just wanted to talk to her. I told him she didn't want to talk to him but one day, I'm sure they would have a lot to talk about. Now wasn't the time. At that point, I honestly had had enough of talking to him. I told him that I would keep him updated on the pregnancy but he had to stop coming to the house, stop calling and just relax.

I left and instead of calling Amanda, I went straight to another bar and proceeded to get a bit drunk, myself. I honestly thought about calling Rebecca to meet me for dinner and drinks. I needed a dose of sanity. But, I didn't call her. I just sat at the bar, ordered dinner, and watched an NBA game on the bar TV.

My phone kept vibrating but I just couldn't deal with Amanda. She had been out of control all day and I didn't like it. I wondered if that craziness was a result of their crazy, wild relationship. Did she still love him? Was she fighting to stay away from him? Or, was she just that crazy? Is this the kind of behavior that I'd be dealing with? I drove to another bar for a night cap. It was the perfect place. Quiet, 70s music playing. I sipped my drink, listening to Dave Mason "We Just Disagree" and every other great 70s pop/rock song.

I kept thinking of the videos. I'd seen more and each one was more fascinating to me than the last. When Amanda was asleep, I'd watch them. I hate to admit it, but, two times, I masturbated while watching them. I'm lucky she never woke up and caught me. One really seemed to turn me on. I've watched it 10 times. The video camera was set on a dresser (again, it was his apartment) and they're fully clothed, making out while standing. Their heads are almost chopped off in the video but you can see and hear the passionate kissing. At some point, you can see her hand rubbing his cock. He's wearing jeans, but, she's rubbing his jeans where his cock is. Eventually, she unbuttons and unzips his jeans slightly and ever so gently puts her hand inside his jeans and starts rubbing his cock through his underwear. Eventually, you can see that she pulls his cock out and gently rubs it. "I know what you want," he finally says, "but you have to tell me." She says, "I want your cock." He says, "In your mouth? Go ahead?" She drops to her knees and slides his pants and underwear down. His cock is incredibly hard and erect and she takes just the tip of it in her mouth and gently starts to suck it. That lasts for a few seconds and he says, "I want you to gag on it." She immediately takes him all the way in her mouth and goes back and forth a few times, gagging on it, finally. The rest of the video is her licking his balls, licking his cock, sucking him a little, sucking him deeply and a lot. It's just amazing. Eventually, he cums right in her mouth. There is such a look of satisfaction and joy on her face when she finishes.

I realize that they had an intense sexual relationship. I realize they were both very passionate and very immature. I see her immaturity (like the crazy screaming at me and the 100s of calls) now, with me, and I wonder if she and I are heading down a crazy relationship path as well. I think, as I'm drinking, that when Justin brought up the jacking off into his socks, for a moment, I was aroused. Not at the idea of jacking off into his socks, but, at the idea of him trying to dominate me (and her) again. I think, that night, that my sexual feelings are a mess. Hell, my emotions are a mess.

I have a couple cups of coffee and drive home. She's waiting for me, angry and screaming at me. Why didn't I pick up the phone? Why didn't I call her? What happened? Why did I disobey her? (That one made me laugh). I told her to sit on the couch, I was making myself a drink and would be in to talk to her in a rational way, if she was going to be rational.

She was fuming. I mean really angry but I could see she was trying to calm herself. She wore a long pajama top (almost the size of a nightgown that went to her mid thighs) and white ankle socks. I realized that I didn't want to talk, I wanted to have sex. I sat next to her and said, "Calm down. Everything's fine. I told him to stop calling, stop coming over. I threatened him. He'll stop, trust me." I told her it was a short conversation. She wanted to know where I'd been since. I laughed and said, "Eating dinner and getting drunk." She stared at me and said, "Did you fuck someone else, tonight? Were you with another woman?" I laughed and said that she was the only woman for me.

I grabbed her feet and started massaging them. She pulled them away and said, "No feet for you, mother fucker." But, she was calming down. I grabbed them again and slid her socks off, kissing her feet. She pulled them away and set them on the floor. I got down on the floor and started massaging them while kissing her lower legs. She spread her legs, ever so slightly, and let me move my mouth up. She was soaking wet - I mean soaking wet. I said, "This is the way it should be, not all that fighting." She grabbed my head and forced me into her. I wasn't lying, that was the way it should be. Me pleasing her. Me taking care of her. Another man's baby above my head, and my mouth pleasing her. It was a perfect ending to a crazy day.

[Wookie]

Well atleast you know now that meeting up with Justin again will be a waste of time.

Have you guys put any thought into how visitation will work?

[Mercury]

I wonder if we're ever going to get an update. This whole thread felt like part of a Carl Hiassen novel on so many levels.

[socksoff]

Well, I'm here to give an update but there's not a lot to update. Amanda had the baby on April 2nd. A beautiful healthy little daughter .... and we haven't had a decent night's sleep since.

As for Justin, about 2 weeks after my last post, he showed up at my house. Amanda was livid, I was angry and I basically told him that I'd had enough. He was 2 minutes away from me kicking the crap out of him and 10 minutes away from going to jail. I told him that I wanted no more contact of any kind. If he wanted to take us to court, I told him to feel free. The alternative that I gave him was to let me give him brief, weekly updates. I further told him that he was welcome to be at the hospital when she was born but that I was staying in the delivery room with Amanda during the birth. Remarkably, he agreed to my terms. He's since seen the baby once a week, at the house, when I'm there with Amanda. Amanda is cordial to him only because I told her that he is the baby's father and we have to find a way to get along with him (for the baby's sake). I'd rather not mention the baby's name, if that's OK. But, both she and Amanda came through great. It was a long, long labor but we (well. mostly Mandy) made it through just fine. Not much for me to do other than to listen to her yell at me that day about all the pain.

Our sex life petered out sometime around Valentine's day (which I understood). We finally had sex again (for the first time post birth) last night. It was wonderful and I can only say that Mandy and I have settled into a nice, comfortable family routine. You know that I love 70s music, but, for once, I'll refer to something from the 80s. When I was a teenager, there was a great song by Roger Daltrey called "After The Fire" that I always thought was about still looking for love after heartache. I still think that's what the song is about but I think it also applies to me. Amanda and I have gone through our craziness, we've gone through the pregnancy, we've gone through birth and now are going through raising a little girl that only wants to sleep 3 hours at a time but after all that, whatever passion we have for one another seems to remain. The fire still burns.

Wish I could say more but that's where things are now.....and, it's good. Everything is good.

Carl Hiassen? Really. Lol. Maybe I should take up writing novels.

Enjoy the day, everyone.