she has feelings?

[Brute]

"...her joking coming from a place in which she doesn't have faith that I'll always be here for her so she wants to get out on her terms."

I have reread that a few time, and it just bothers me. Has she explained what she needs to feel secure in your relationship?

[shesmypornstar]

"...her joking coming from a place in which she doesn't have faith that I'll always be here for her so she wants to get out on her terms."

I have reread that a few time, and it just bothers me. Has she explained what she needs to feel secure in your relationship?

I'm not sure she had specifics but I think we both knew of a few things that I could do better or differently. For starters when things get difficult in our relationship its easy for me to say something like "well we only need to do this until the kids move out" which isn't healthy or give credit to the other reasons that keep me in our relationship.

Another thing would be more consistency in showing my affection or appreciation of her. As much as I want to see her show affection to another man, I've never been big on public displays of affection so simple things like holding hands or kisses goodbye don't always come easy for me. For the most part I think it will just take a shift in attitude on my end.

[hwc]

"Looking back at our small talks about him, at times she approaches the idea as fun with him and coming back home to me, but at times shes said that it'd only be a matter of time before she leaves me to live with him. For me there is a sense of both apprehension and excitement to the idea that she would want to leave me for someone else which is obviously very confusing for me."

Could you please expand a little on these conversations you had?

[shesmypornstar]

"Looking back at our small talks about him, at times she approaches the idea as fun with him and coming back home to me, but at times shes said that it'd only be a matter of time before she leaves me to live with him. For me there is a sense of both apprehension and excitement to the idea that she would want to leave me for someone else which is obviously very confusing for me."

Could you please expand a little on these conversations you had?

Thinking through it now it feels more like she was just outlining how things would naturally progress with him. Any new relationship would start slowly with dates being 1 night events and my wife coming back home to me. But because we're neighbors its only a matter of time before she could just return with him to his house after a date and come back home to me at her convenience, or forego a traditional date altogether and just go spend days and weekends with him at his house. I guess thats what the convenience of dating a neighbor allows.

To the point of her leaving me to move in with him. Thats probably just a fantasy thought of hers, but if they were to begin dating I could see a very quick transition to her spending a lot of time with him at his house, and as they grow more comfortable with that kind of arrangement they probably do grow closer as a couple. If they become a legitimate couple comfortable with our other neighbors taking note of her increased presence at his house why not take the next step right?

I can tell you with 100% certainty that if he becomes single and our relationship begins to struggle to the point that we were to separate, she would 100% approach him about dating. If thats her mindset when she thinks about being single, I guess its not too much of a stretch to think that the convenience of location would lead her to move in with him even if we were still together and she was just cucking me .

[Brute]

...if they were to begin dating I could see a very quick transition to her spending a lot of time with him at his house, and as they grow more comfortable with that kind of arrangement they probably do grow closer as a couple. If they become a legitimate couple comfortable with our other neighbors taking note of her increased presence at his house...

How comfortable are you going to be living alone for stretches of time? Would overnights be alright? What about a whole week?

[shesmypornstar]

...if they were to begin dating I could see a very quick transition to her spending a lot of time with him at his house, and as they grow more comfortable with that kind of arrangement they probably do grow closer as a couple. If they become a legitimate couple comfortable with our other neighbors taking note of her increased presence at his house...

How comfortable are you going to be living alone for stretches of time? Would overnights be alright? What about a whole week?

In general I'm fairly comfortable living alone. I do it now for days at a time due to work or family travel but generally no more than 3 nights in a row. Obviously its totally different if I'm alone because shes with another man. I think I'd need some time to build up to being alone for a week or weeks at a time but if this were to start tomorrow I could probably go 2nights in a row.

[Chrislydi]

I’m about 30 years older than my Filipina wife, Maricel, so my libido has waned quite a bit. I’m happy with sex about every three weeks. Maricel’s boyfriend, Adam, is about her age, and they make love almost daily. I’m never “denied,” as I make love with Maricel as often as I like. However, Adam has become Maricel’s primary sex partner by default.

I have absolutely no problem with the fact that my wife has deep loving feelings for Adam, who has lived with us for over 4 years. I’ve never felt that Maricel’s love for Adam has, in any way, compromised her love for me. Everyone is happy.

DM

I think I've read your thread DavaoMike, if it's the correct one isn't Adam also a local Filipino too?

I must say it sounded like the perfect arrangement with everyone happy.

[Chrislydi]

A lot of if, buts and maybes here. The guy has a GF and he may have a great loving relationship with her - flirting is one thing but going further maybe a no-no. The fantasy your wife has about this guy is just that - in reality it may not be so great.

Absolutely,

She can decide to be a hotwife but this avenue may be closed off anyway. I really think both partners need to be decided they want this especially if the potential lover isn't even available.

Once the step is taken it's not easily reversed.

[Chrislydi]

...if they were to begin dating I could see a very quick transition to her spending a lot of time with him at his house, and as they grow more comfortable with that kind of arrangement they probably do grow closer as a couple. If they become a legitimate couple comfortable with our other neighbors taking note of her increased presence at his house...

How comfortable are you going to be living alone for stretches of time? Would overnights be alright? What about a whole week?

In general I'm fairly comfortable living alone. I do it now for days at a time due to work or family travel but generally no more than 3 nights in a row. Obviously its totally different if I'm alone because shes with another man. I think I'd need some time to build up to being alone for a week or weeks at a time but if this were to start tomorrow I could probably go 2nights in a row.

I think you need the commitment to your relationship and assurances that you'll always be included even if she has another as her primary or sole sex partner.

Living alone while she's with her boyfriend, receiving a few texts can push your buttons until it suddenly develops into living alone without your partner with no contact whatsoever, then it's not so good, not so good at all, devastating, lonely, desperate confused and hugely depressed might better describe it.

Always, always be careful what you wish for.

[Mkliny442015]

...if they were to begin dating I could see a very quick transition to her spending a lot of time with him at his house, and as they grow more comfortable with that kind of arrangement they probably do grow closer as a couple. If they become a legitimate couple comfortable with our other neighbors taking note of her increased presence at his house...

How comfortable are you going to be living alone for stretches of time? Would overnights be alright? What about a whole week?

In general I'm fairly comfortable living alone. I do it now for days at a time due to work or family travel but generally no more than 3 nights in a row. Obviously its totally different if I'm alone because shes with another man. I think I'd need some time to build up to being alone for a week or weeks at a time but if this were to start tomorrow I could probably go 2nights in a row.

I think you need the commitment to your relationship and assurances that you'll always be included even if she has another as her primary or sole sex partner.

Living alone while she's with her boyfriend, receiving a few texts can push your buttons until it suddenly develops into living alone without your partner with no contact whatsoever, then it's not so good, not so good at all, devastating, lonely, desperate confused and hugely depressed might better describe it.

Always, always be careful what you wish for.

I couldn’t agree more, some people go into this with a hard dick only thinking about the climax or the good side while being naïve assuming they can stop when they want. Once a Hotwife starts down this path there is no turning back, in fact it’s usually the husband that introduces them but the Hotwife that keeps them in it. The only way this works is constant communication, you HAVE to have those tough conversations and don’t do it while you are horny . Discuss all the worst case scenario’s and decide what you will do when it comes to that because it may. When we started my wife wasn’t on the pill and it was safe sex only with condoms. I did tell her she should think about birth control because there is always the possibility something could go wrong or passion could take over and protection not used in the moment. She did experience a couple times where she wasn’t as careful as she should be and a guy ripped a condom off and we dealt with a pregnancy scare. It prompted her to get an IUD even though she uses condoms until she knows someone.

We have also spoke in depth about feelings getting involved, in the beginning you don’t anticipate it happening but it might. For her and I now that is our current situation, we have discussed it before and now just like every other step in this lifestyle we have had tough talks about the negative side and implications of what can go wrong. We always put our marriage first but we also agree that if either of us sees this as hurting our marriage we respect and listen and take a break . It’s true don’t wish for something because it’s not always what you fantasize it will be like.

[Chrislydi]

I couldn’t agree more, some people go into this with a hard dick only thinking about the climax or the good side while being naïve assuming they can stop when they want. Once a Hotwife starts down this path there is no turning back, in fact it’s usually the husband that introduces them but the Hotwife that keeps them in it. The only way this works is constant communication, you HAVE to have those tough conversations and don’t do it while you are horny . Discuss all the worst case scenario’s and decide what you will do when it comes to that because it may. When we started my wife wasn’t on the pill and it was safe sex only with condoms. I did tell her she should think about birth control because there is always the possibility something could go wrong or passion could take over and protection not used in the moment. She did experience a couple times where she wasn’t as careful as she should be and a guy ripped a condom off and we dealt with a pregnancy scare. It prompted her to get an IUD even though she uses condoms until she knows someone.

We have also spoke in depth about feelings getting involved, in the beginning you don’t anticipate it happening but it might. For her and I now that is our current situation, we have discussed it before and now just like every other step in this lifestyle we have had tough talks about the negative side and implications of what can go wrong. We always put our marriage first but we also agree that if either of us sees this as hurting our marriage we respect and listen and take a break . It’s true don’t wish for something because it’s not always what you fantasize it will be like.

You sound as if you have an excellent loving and caring relationship with constant communication. As long as the risks and benefits are understood and both go into it with their eyes wide open it's all you can do. The foundation is built and solid, now you can build the house that is this LS in the knowledge you've minimised risk. Every couples relationship can undergo difficulties but not everyone thinks about the risks beforehand.

Extremely sound and cogent advice.

*****************************************

I've just started recounting our first time at the end of the members intro - link below, I'm no writer so I'm finding it hard and intimidating although I remember it like yesterday.

I would really appreciate it if I could get some opinions on how decent or awful it is as I'm not too confident as a writer

Thank you for any who comment - no rude ones


ChrisLydi

[hwc]

Looking forward to more updates! the more details, the better!

[LawyerWouldbeCuckold]

...if they were to begin dating I could see a very quick transition to her spending a lot of time with him at his house, and as they grow more comfortable with that kind of arrangement they probably do grow closer as a couple. If they become a legitimate couple comfortable with our other neighbors taking note of her increased presence at his house...

How comfortable are you going to be living alone for stretches of time? Would overnights be alright? What about a whole week?

In general I'm fairly comfortable living alone. I do it now for days at a time due to work or family travel but generally no more than 3 nights in a row. Obviously its totally different if I'm alone because shes with another man. I think I'd need some time to build up to being alone for a week or weeks at a time but if this were to start tomorrow I could probably go 2nights in a row.

I think you need the commitment to your relationship and assurances that you'll always be included even if she has another as her primary or sole sex partner.

Living alone while she's with her boyfriend, receiving a few texts can push your buttons until it suddenly develops into living alone without your partner with no contact whatsoever, then it's not so good, not so good at all, devastating, lonely, desperate confused and hugely depressed might better describe it.

Always, always be careful what you wish for.

I think this is brilliant advice, and the statement of yours that really concerns me is ------>

"She also mentioned that she wouldn't ruin what we have, and leave me to have a relationship with someone else, but shes getting more curious and admits to thinking about what life in general would be like with someone else. Those are obviously 2 conflicting statements."

Granted, I'm not even in this lifestyle, and my experience with relationships is limited at best. But I do know enough to say that "2 conflicting statements...." You may have opened a door that might be too late to close. Reading your posts here, I'm of the opinion that your wife is (probably) hard-wired for monogamy like most women. (I'm a lawyer, not an evolutionary biologist, but still, that is my understanding), If she's like most women, it's (probably) not possible for her to engage in sex without some sort of emotional connection going on; the question is, would she be able to keep that connection from growing and supplanting the connection she has with you?

So far, from your posts, I'm not getting the sense that the answer to that question is "no".

And therein lies your risk.

I think you need to sit down with yourself and evaluate what your priorities are.

Granted, seeing a fantasy realized- especially a long-held fantasy, is a tantalizing prospect. So tantalizing, it might overwhelm your capacity for (other) rational decision-making.

Once certain doors are opened, they cannot be closed. And we don't always know what is behind Door No. 1, Door No. 2, etc.

I hate to sound so bloodless, and so analytical.....but it's what I get paid for. LOL LOL LOL.

Good luck and let us know the outcome.

[shesmypornstar]

Thanks for all the insights and feedback over the past couple of weeks.

The only real update that I have is that since agreeing not to talk about her with being with other people, we really haven't discussed it as a possibility or even talked about it for play purposes.

We have talked a bit about whether or not we miss the idea or at least talking about the idea. Our answers, while not a direct NO, have both been no we don't miss it, at least not to the point in which we feel the need to bring the topic back to life.

For me, I do miss the excitement of it, but I've found that I definitely don't need it. For her part it was a no, but that at times she has thought about it and just hasn't teased me with it. She didn't distinguish whether she was thinking about him and just decided not to tease me, or if she had thoughts about teasing me and just decided not to bring it up. All she said was that shes had some thoughts because habits are hard to break but she didn't want to bring it up or tease me because she still thinks its unhealthy.

The couple time it or he has been brought up in the past few weeks.

1. She did ask me again this week if I've gone and checked her phone to read any of her texts. To that I said no because i trust her. Its still just a curious thought as to why she has asked a few times.

2. We were having sex 2 weeks ago and she was having a tough time getting to climax. After a while I told her to use her "cheat code" which is obviously me telling her to think of him. She said no thanks, she was fine and enjoying it and just wanted to get me off and didn't need to climax herself.

3. Last week she wanted to have sex but she just wanted to lay there and let me go to town. She thought I'd be into the idea of just using her like a rag doll, which can be fun but I wasn't feeling it that night. I had a really though time getting myself there and I really wanted to tell her to just say something about cucking me because she really wanted me to cum, but I didn't say anything. The next day I told her that if she wanted me to cum all she would've had to do was say something about him and I would've finished in about 30 seconds, which she knew but didn't want to cross that line.

So like I said, the update is that we've decided not to pursue this right now and so far it seems like we've done a good job breaking those habits. Its been said many times that once you cross that line there is no going back. I sometimes wonder if that will turn out to be the case in our situation just from the standpoint of talking about it so much over the years. Have we talked about it so much that we find we can't get away from it? Have we talked about it so much that its inevitable or that she really does want to do this but is scared? I guess time will tell, but cucking aside, our relationship has been better than ever over the last month or so and I wouldn't trade that for anything.

[questionthe]

1. She did ask me again this week if I've gone and checked her phone to read any of her texts. To that I said no because i trust her. Its still just a curious thought as to why she has asked a few times.

Maybe she wants you to check it. Repeatably asking is a tell.

[JeffBingham]

1. She did ask me again this week if I've gone and checked her phone to read any of her texts. To that I said no because i trust her. Its still just a curious thought as to why she has asked a few times.

Maybe she wants you to check it. Repeatably asking is a tell.

I agree. But you could always confirm that by simply asking her if she wants you to read them

[Brute]

shesmypornstar, have you asked her if she wants you read the texts?

[Chrislydi]

Its been said many times that once you cross that line there is no going back.

It can be said a thousand times more and it's still a load of nonsense, one of the worst cases of group think around. A lie is propagated because everyone in the group is of a like mind and wants to believe it's true, so they all get busy telling each other anecdotes that confirm their belief, and the more these are told the firmer the group's belief in the lie becomes. they're all still wrong but they all believe the lie to be true.

The whole group believes it's true, the whole group is wrong it's a lie.

[shesmypornstar]

I did get a chance to look at her phone and her texts and theres nothing there worth noting. Nothing at all overly flirty, sexual or anything for that matter. In another discussion after I had looked at her phone, she said the reason for her asking was just her general curiosity to the level of trust I have in her. So we'll leave it at that.

There has been a little cuck talk in the past few weeks, but nothing specific, nobody specific being named, and in general its just a bit of teasing. We are getting away for a couple nights beginning tomorrow night which we're both looking forward to. Some time for us together in a different city, massages, room service, a nice dinner planned with a trip out to a bar or two after. She knows what I like and went ahead and got herself a new outfit for our night out at the bar. A very tight fitting short dress with some white leather over the knee boots that have a 4 inch heel. Its a look that will keep me rock hard all night and will be sure to draw some attention while we're out.

She made 1 comment about going out that made me think she was potentially interested in a casual hookup, but she said that she didn't want to set any expectations so we didn't discuss it. So although we've dropped the cuck talk and the idea altogether, she has always said that shes been interested in a 3some, or hooking up with a girl. That obviously has me a little hopeful that one of our nights might turn into something that includes somebody we meet while out, but I'll temper my expectations.

We're going to have a good time together just the two of us and I"m going to put those boots to good use both nights back at our room. But I'd be lying if I said that I'm not at all hoping she draws the attention of someone that grabs her interest while we're out at the bar.

[Brute]

I hope all goes well for you.

[Nowayareyousure]

But I'd be lying if I said that I'm not at all hoping she draws the attention of someone that grabs her interest while we're out at the bar.

I hope so too! It is so hot to see someone that is interested in your wife.

[KBZ69]

My wife has had feelings for 2 of her previous lovers during our time in the lifestyle so far . So much so that she was visibly upset when one of them returned to his ex wife . But she has always been able to separate the 2 sides / lives to her relationships with others and with me . She is a very strong woman and I have no problem with her having serious relationships outwith our marriage . Her credo is that she has a serious lifetime lover / friend / husband in me , and she can have a boyfriend and all that entails as a side life which has no baggage just fun

[Brute]

How did the getaway go?

[shesmypornstar]

We had a good getaway, but as expected there was no direct flirting with anyone while we were out. She did look great and did turn some heads! First night out we went to a couple of bars and she wore her new white-leather over the knee boots on top of her dark blue skinny jeans and a cute top. Day 2 we explored the city a bit, got a couples massage, nice dinner then out to another bar while she wore a short black dress with the same boots. She was definitely "that girl" turning heads at the bar on the second night. It was a much needed getaway and I was sure to show my appreciation for her efforts in looking the part both nights.

But now onto another innocent little surprise from this past weekend. We have a pretty active neighborhood and around the holidays (Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, etc) its common to get a knock at the door and find a holiday themed surprise waiting on your porch when you open the door. Of course you don't know who left the surprise but now its your turn to pick a few friends/neighbors and do the same thing to them.

So Saturday night I was away for a few hours and we got that knock on our door. Of course my wife (and kids) want to keep the trend going so they pick 4 neighbors and go do the same thing to them. Later that night when we're laying in bed my wife tells me that before she went out with the kids, she had texted her neighborhood crush (who we don't talk about anymore) to see if they had gotten the knock yet or not. I responded with an indifferent "Yea ok" and she says, "well i just wanted to tell you in-case you were looking at my phone and saw that we had texted". My response was that I had not checked her phone (I didn't that night and hadn't since I last reported that here) and that it was ok that she texted him. We go to bed but when I woke up yesterday I had 2 thoughts on my mind. First, If I was checking her phone and saw that she had texted him, wouldn't I just open the messages to see what they were talking about? The answer is obviously yes I would read them, so why did she feel the need to explain the text? Second thought on my mind was that she went out to surprise 4 of our neighbors, did she text them the same way she texted her neighborhood crush? Right? If the purpose of texting him was to see if he had been surprised before going out and choosing which neighbors to surprise, did she text them too?

She could tell something was on my mind so I asked her...did you text the other 3 neighbors too? She had a guilty little laugh and responded with a definitive and confident NO. I give her a playful, inquisitive, but approving kind of response and she responds by saying "some habits just die hard" So here I am again just kind of wondering, has she ever really put it out there to him, does he know, how much does she really like him or is she just playing with me? Up until he came into the picture, and really up until maybe the start of this year I would 100% say that she's really just putting it out there to play with me. She would say things and do things to play it up for me because I was very interested in the fact that she had interest in him. But as you know she wanted to get away from the idea and talk of him and I really have, 100% left that topic out of our conversations for 2+ months now.

It is driving me crazy, in a good way and it gets better (at least in my head). As it gets nicer out and moves towards summer we're going to be seeing a lot more of him, almost on a weekly basis. And, to make it more interesting we'll all be heading out of town for a weekend in about 2 months with a group of friends. There is a good chance, lets say 50/50, that I won't be available for that trip (due to work) but my wife would still be committed to going out of town, putting them both in the same hotel while I'm gone doing something else. Thoughts?

I know it was another long post, maybe a lot of nothing, maybe not. Thanks for following along.

[Chrislydi]

There is a good chance, lets say 50/50, that I won't be available for that trip (due to work) but my wife would still be committed to going out of town, putting them both in the same hotel while I'm gone doing something else. Thoughts?

I know it was another long post, maybe a lot of nothing, maybe not. Thanks for following along.

It's more than obvious from your posts that you're both excited by the prospect. So let's think what's probable, given that you're now living 24/7 with your wife, then you'll almost certainly know that in such a situation secrets are extremely hard to keep hidden. Body language or what's not been said or avoided can just as plainly give intentions away. Despite the nominal period of silence, it would be my guess you both know within a small margin of error exactly how the other feels. You may as well talk about him now and the potential for meetings without your presence, at least then any misconceptions on each others feelings can be eliminated and various possible future scenarios discussed.