wife interested in other guy

[Johng1953]

This is going to end in tears.

[gordon921]

Have you read subguy80's thread?
viewtopic.php?f=6&t=42924&start=2600 that is a husband and wife working together, from what you've written I do not see this with you and G.

[Bi+Gigh]

Have you read subguy80's thread?
viewtopic.php?f=6&t=42924&start=2600 that is a husband and wife working together, from what you've written I do not see this with you and G.

I don't know, Gordon. He has a cock cage, which I don't and never will. He is not the primary sex partner. There are some things going on in their relationship that that I wouldn't want but then again they've had 7 years to work through a lot of stuff.
G and I are less than 6 weeks into it. We need time to see what develops here and be given a chance to react, and adjust, as we see necessary. But I always appreciate your interest.

[Bi+Gigh]

This is going to end in tears.

Johng, why do you say that? Thanks.

[Johng1953]

This is going to end in tears.

Johng, why do you say that? Thanks.

Mainly because there is little to no communication between you and your wife without Conor sticking his oar in and he comes across to me as having an agenda which seems to be aimed at destroying the intimacy between you and your wife and ultimately ending your marriage. Plus you always giving in to his demands will only encourage him to demand more and more from you.
I genuinely fear for your marriage.

[Pecannut]

Why anyone wants to spread negative mood? No one besides B knows the situation with G and also with C. I think the best is to trust G and talk with her.

[Bi+Gigh]

This is going to end in tears.

Johng, why do you say that? Thanks.

Mainly because there is little to no communication between you and your wife without Conor sticking his oar in and he comes across to me as having an agenda which seems to be aimed at destroying the intimacy between you and your wife and ultimately ending your marriage. Plus you always giving in to his demands will only encourage him to demand more and more from you.
I genuinely fear for your marriage.

Thanks Johng for the response. You are right in that I tend to give into his demands too easily. So I need to safeguard against that. G and I do communicate pretty well about what we want and where we're going. In fact, we spend a lot of time talking about this. I just don't always make that clear enough on here. We both are ok with what's happening now. She's a tough woman and I have an ego so we believe that we will have a 6th sense when things are going off the rails. But only time will tell, right?
Thanks again.

[Marinecuckplease]

Have you read subguy80's thread?
viewtopic.php?f=6&t=42924&start=2600 that is a husband and wife working together, from what you've written I do not see this with you and G.

I don't know, Gordon. He has a cock cage, which I don't and never will. He is not the primary sex partner. There are some things going on in their relationship that that I wouldn't want but then again they've had 7 years to work through a lot of stuff.
G and I are less than 6 weeks into it. We need time to see what develops here and be given a chance to react, and adjust, as we see necessary. But I always appreciate your interest.

Your only 6 weeks in...
Your wife has already gone away on vacation with him
You dont get oral
you dont get piv
You dont sleep in your own bed because g's bf does....
This relationship is moving at warp speed. If i had to guess many if not most successful cuckold relationships work through one step at a time. In a matter of months and years sometimes. Not days and weeks. You already can feel the effects wanting piv but you cant because you made a deal. Now your stuck. And instead of thinking and communicating how both of you are feeling after days and weeks of it happening. You are doubling down and pulling oral off your options, to give away with no gaurentee of the long term effects. Sure you can handle short term but what about weeks or months? Its been 6 weeks

[Chrislydi]

Tbf to Bi+Gigh he does have good communication with G and is very intimate with her atm. There's always a danger of relying too much on the tiny percentage of the day that's reported on here. I posted in mine about the difficulty of perspective and context when only going by the updates as written on here, we're only peering through such a narrow crack, we can never see the full picture. BG says he has that ego which won't let him fall too deeply, and G is a tough woman who knows the pitfalls, those remarks must be reassuring as they themselves will be aware of any slippage into more dangerous waters.

Chris

[Marinecuckplease]

Tbf to Bi+Gigh he does have good communication with G and is very intimate with her atm. There's always a danger of relying too much on the tiny percentage of the day that's reported on here. I posted in mine about the difficulty of perspective and context when only going by the updates as written on here, we're only peering through such a narrow crack, we can never see the full picture. BG says he has that ego which won't let him fall too deeply, and G is a tough woman who knows the pitfalls, those remarks must be reassuring as they themselves will be aware of any slippage into more dangerous waters.

Chris

I agree. I think where we are worried for him is does bg really want this? Like forever? It seems hes not totally convinced. Being bi, submissive, and cuck are all different. Once that cuck line is crossed its generally gone. He hasnt given himself time to really process anything that has happened and is going by faith. I agree we only see a small fraction but that could go either way honestly. In such a short amount of time the marriage has changed with little planning other than to see where it goes. And really the only safe gaurds or boundries are g is a tough woman and bg has an ego that wont let him fall. Its concening that bg and g both reognize not to let the train go off the rails but niether one has tapped the brakes. If it wasnt for the short amount of time this has happened in i would think this would work out fine. But the lack of time and processing between steps leaves alot of room for unrecognised feelings. Its concerning that instead of slowing down to process, they glance over what could be a small bump only to add another layer to process only making it more confusing to process. Im really hoping g is strong, bg has a low ego, and conner isnt a dick. If conner isnt a dick this scenario probably plays out great. If he is, hes got the train going pretty quick now and we are now relying on someone to tap the brakes. If no one taps the brakes where are they going?

[Chrislydi]

I'm as guilty as anyone of concentrating on what little snippets we have and playing up just how important they are, a consequence of often giving undue importance to more minor changes without the overall picture giving an adequate context. I recognise the apparent willingness to submit, to give something quickly to the man he's highly attracted to, and the giver of so much pleasure to his wife. Perhaps on the surface there was too quickly an offer to give up oral, no matter if the offer represented something of significance, it was a transfer of power, a bending of the knee and crucially was quickly reported back to G. Now I again recognise these urges and desires can be so overpowering you feel like submitting to recognise his aura, but perhaps on reflection such early recognition and dues paid towards the undisputed alpha were uncalled for and unnecessary. It can be seen just how quickly it was weaponised by Conor in reporting it back to G. G consequently in refusing sex because she was sore, also made a point of referencing how quickly BG wanted Conor to take control anyway, with the 'no oral' offer, and of course this double stamped BG's earlier refusal of 'naughty' PIV sex the previous weekend.

So I sort have have a foot in both camps, I can see what marinecuckplease is driving at and have often enough listed the dangers myself, but also recognise that these could be being represented as something way out of proportion from what they actually are. I suppose it's the apparent speed of Conor's dominance that could be of concern, Conor doesn't need offers of further increased submission to exert his will, as he has every intention of moving that way anyway, and if he gets too powerful and BG too much in thrall to him, any protection that BG's large ego might have afforded, could well be severely muted.

I've more confidence that they'll be alright, but a lot of that is based on the huge amount I can't possibly know, rather than the bits that are reported and that's the worry, it's trusting in knowledge I don't have, on what's not reported. On what's reported Conor for all BG's physical attraction to him, comes over as a guy who has to be watched and just can't be trusted. I'll take BG's word on G resisting his dominance, but her actions and words reported, might hint at quite the contrary.

Chris

[Marinecuckplease]

My main concerns are the willingess and speed at which things are progressing. The lack of clear boundries. And conner is not a bull but a wildcard. And an unkown how and what is being communicated. Great communication of all the good things is great communication. But you need great communication for all the bad feelings too. From what we are hearing when bg brings up his negative feelings it seems g just defaults to conner and thier agreements. And she just gives an assurance all will be ok. But without her willingness to slow down. It seems she doesnt see his apprehensions and is quick to dismiss. Like you said we only see a sliver but what we are seeing isnt great communication. We are assuming the worst because its better to be wrong and everything works out than to assume the best and it all falls apart. We all hope we are wrong. We all hope this this plays out perfect. We hope bg trust in g is 100% correct. These are our perspectives but i would rather be heard and hated and wrong than enable a disaster.

[Christinebitg]

I think part of the challenge in this situation is the one of giving up control in play, while maintaining some "real life" control.

It's similar to the issue that occurs in BDSM play. There's a level of trust that is needed in those relationships, and that's true in this situation too.

But because the relationship with Conor is relatively new, that trust hasn't been established yet. You don't completely know what he's going to do. You don't really know yet if he might pressure your wife to leave you, to move in with him, etc.

I don't think you've heard enough reassurances yet from him in that regard.

Part of this is just that there hasn't been enough time passed, to have a good level of trust that he'll "behave" when push comes to shove. Part of it is that he's apparently intent of playing the bad boy. How much that play is reality in his mind, no one can really know yet.

[Marinecuckplease]

I dont think he needs to just hear more reasurances. Conner needs to prove that none of this is malicious or misleading. Another question is what is the reward system for bg for being a good cuck? Only that he gets to play with conner on his approval?conner allowing oral or piv as a reward would be a hey no hard feelings approach. And would be a giant step toward trust for everyone. And it doesnt have to be acted upon if all parties are willing.
Bg do you cook them meals? Do you drop them off places? How often does g sleep away a week? How often does she sleep at home with him and you sleep in guest room? Do they work together closely at work or just the same place? Just trying to get a bigger picture i guess

[ShyBiGuy954]

So on Monday, I was feeling kind of high about letting Conor dominate me more. I wasn’t sure what that even meant or how it would play out but it felt kinda erotic to me. So he was sitting on our sofa (naked of course as he usually is in our place anymore) and I sat down next to him making small talk. I then told him if he didn’t want me going down on G anymore just to tell me. I had an almost full-on erection. He said he didn’t want me going down on her anymore so I said okay. I also starting playing with his dick and told him he was huge, completely playing into his ego. He actually let me play with it for a bit until he started to chub up .......

Damn!!
As I was reading this I thought (hoped, lol) that this was going to lead to you giving him another BJ right there on the couch.

[Bi+Gigh]

So on Monday, I was feeling kind of high about letting Conor dominate me more. I wasn’t sure what that even meant or how it would play out but it felt kinda erotic to me. So he was sitting on our sofa (naked of course as he usually is in our place anymore) and I sat down next to him making small talk. I then told him if he didn’t want me going down on G anymore just to tell me. I had an almost full-on erection. He said he didn’t want me going down on her anymore so I said okay. I also starting playing with his dick and told him he was huge, completely playing into his ego. He actually let me play with it for a bit until he started to chub up .......

Damn!!
As I was reading this I thought (hoped, lol) that this was going to lead to you giving him another BJ right there on the couch.

LOL, so did I Shy, and I kind of think it would have the way he was chubbing up but G was finishing up in the bathroom. Not that she would have cared.

[Bi+Gigh]

I dont think he needs to just hear more reasurances. Conner needs to prove that none of this is malicious or misleading. Another question is what is the reward system for bg for being a good cuck? Only that he gets to play with conner on his approval?conner allowing oral or piv as a reward would be a hey no hard feelings approach. And would be a giant step toward trust for everyone. And it doesnt have to be acted upon if all parties are willing.
Bg do you cook them meals? Do you drop them off places? How often does g sleep away a week? How often does she sleep at home with him and you sleep in guest room? Do they work together closely at work or just the same place? Just trying to get a bigger picture i guess

First of all, Marine, I like your idea of a reward system for being a good cuck. I'd like to know that whatever happens with Conor will be on more than just a whim and there are certain things I can count on (at least piv occasionally).
As to your questions, I'm happy to share. I am the cook in the house and make dinner most nights. I have cooked dinners to include Conor and admittedly have made him a couple of breakfasts. I had made a dinner for the 2 of them and I was going to leave but they both wanted me to stay and eat with them. G has only slept at his place once. The issue is G and Conor work with Conor's roommate and they're not ready to "come out." And I have never dropped them off anywhere. He has been sleeping here mostly 2 nights a week but will also admit it's starting to tick up some. Obviously when he's here, I sleep in the guest room. And at work, they rotate around as different teams depending on the client. G an Conor have worked as part of the same team I think twice. But they work together on the same floor in an open concept so they see each other regularly.

I know many of you worry about communication between G and I. But others have hit the nail on the head. You just hear about a sliver of our life so maybe don't have a full appreciation for how much she and I talk. Maybe we don't always get the answer we wanted but we definitely know where we each stand. Last night is a good example. We were in bed (naked), we had both reached orgasms and were cuddling, just talking. The subject of Conor came up, as it usually does, and G asked if WE were ok with what we're doing. We talked about the good and some of the bad. One thing she pointed out that she's going to keep an eye on is his dominance of me due to his "instinct to annihilate any competition." Yes, you basically heard it straight from her mouth. So I asked what if he does try to annihilate me and she said "then I annihilate him."
So I don't know if any of this lessens any concerns or increases them but I just wanted to demonstrate one of our communication examples.

[gordon921]

Hi Bi,

thanks for that, it does demonstrate that the two of you are communicating well during this period and that G cares what happens to you. I think G has to also keep an eye on you as well, that you do not cede to much to Conor, as I suspect he will push and push. I think you and G need to decide how often he stays per week otherwise as you fear it may turn into the whole week, you and G need time away from him for your talks, checking up on each other and to keep the bond between yourselves.

[ShyBiGuy954]

......And at work, they rotate around as different teams depending on the client. G an Conor have worked as part of the same team I think twice. But they work together on the same floor in an open concept so they see each other regularly.

Has Conor fucked her at work, ie: sneak off for a quickie in copy/storage room etc, or out in the car during a lunch break etc ??

[Bi+Gigh]

......And at work, they rotate around as different teams depending on the client. G an Conor have worked as part of the same team I think twice. But they work together on the same floor in an open concept so they see each other regularly.

Has Conor fucked her at work, ie: sneak off for a quickie in copy/storage room etc, or out in the car during a lunch break etc ??

Not at the office but when they travel together for work they sleep together in the hotel. Does that count as fucking her at work?

[ShyBiGuy954]

Has Conor fucked her at work, ie: sneak off for a quickie in copy/storage room etc, or out in the car during a lunch break etc ??

Not at the office but when they travel together for work they sleep together in the hotel. Does that count as fucking her at work?

Still naughty, but not quite a risque', LOL

[Bi+Gigh]

Hi Bi,

thanks for that, it does demonstrate that the two of you are communicating well during this period and that G cares what happens to you. I think G has to also keep an eye on you as well, that you do not cede to much to Conor, as I suspect he will push and push. I think you and G need to decide how often he stays per week otherwise as you fear it may turn into the whole week, you and G need time away from him for your talks, checking up on each other and to keep the bond between yourselves.

I have to be careful, as well, Gordon. As a submissive bi guy who is sexually attracted to him, and who knows himself well, I'd have a tendency to try to please him by giving him what he wants.

[Marinecuckplease]

So during your conversation last night did you express to her that you still wanted piv or oral at a minnimum on occasion? And did she agree with you or defer back to the agreement and conner?
It sounds as if everyday is mostly normal which is good. I think if you cant step back some of your denials you need to stop advancing and just enjoy what you have now. Its not a race. Maybe put in a policy any agreement is null and void until written down and gone over in detail with the 2 of you the day after said agreement. There can be no mistakes whats written down. I know this seems strict but you have made decisions with emotions that logic shouldnt allow. At least not without reading over the details in a calm setting. Thats why there are bdsm contracts. To make sure everyone is on the same exact page. Its good that conners roomate is a barrier of sorts but he wont be there forever. And i really really think you and g needto come up with certain days conner stays at your house. At a minimum a certain number of days. 2 sounds good. And do not stray from the script at least for a good while. The more rules you make for conner to abide by the more you can build a trust with him. This will be hard to sell but maybe give a little white lie or a hesitation that your not on same page. Because honestly im not sold you and g are. You say you might not always get the answer you wanted and you know where each other stands but why dont you get to a place where everyone gets the answers they wanted. This is where rushing into agreements hurts your relationship. Give and take needs to be 50/50.

[gordon921]

Hi Bi,

thanks for that, it does demonstrate that the two of you are communicating well during this period and that G cares what happens to you. I think G has to also keep an eye on you as well, that you do not cede to much to Conor, as I suspect he will push and push. I think you and G need to decide how often he stays per week otherwise as you fear it may turn into the whole week, you and G need time away from him for your talks, checking up on each other and to keep the bond between yourselves.

I have to be careful, as well, Gordon. As a submissive bi guy who is sexually attracted to him, and who knows himself well, I'd have a tendency to try to please him by giving him what he wants.

Yup that is why G needs to look out for you as well, you should talk over you boundaries with her in a normal way and she should be willing to step in and say ~Bi No lets talk about that later, if you cede something you have told her is a boundary.

[Chrislydi]

One thing she pointed out that she's going to keep an eye on is his dominance of me due to his "instinct to annihilate any competition." Yes, you basically heard it straight from her mouth. So I asked what if he does try to annihilate me and she said "then I annihilate him."

That's a huge positive, and can't be underestimated. A big plus for G looking after you, as you've freely admitted you're a little susceptible, being extremely attracted to him, of falling under his influence. The obvious weakest point is will G always have it in her to want to annihilate him if your submission to him gradually, perhaps imperceptibly increases over time?

That gradual creeping acceptance of a different dynamic can be insidious over time as it accepts a situation you wouldn't have tolerated a while ago, precisely because it's been so gradual and unnoticed, he's achieving his aims by stealth rather than with a sledgehammer suddeness.

I'm obviously not talking of the situation as it is today, as of now, but how it might potentially become in the future. Introducing artificial limitations on days stayed overnight, to be adhered to by all except in the most unavoidable and exceptional of circumstances, seems to be a good break to put in place, it will restrict practical progress of it going too far, too quickly. I know it's artificial and doesn't flow with how relationships develop, but I think it analogous to how a circuit bresk in the money markets work, these can stop wholesale selling of stocks beyond certain volumes in short time periods, triggering a circuit bresk and a pause in the trading of the stock for a set time period, it stops selling getting completely out of hand. Similarly here it stops emotions becoming so strong that they take over rational thought and can set a new and irreversible direction to the dynamic, even if it's largely damaging.

Artificial but perhaps not necessarily a bad rule to have in place.

Chris