QuietHope wrote: ↑Mon Nov 18, 2024 6:44 am
I pushed today and it went bad for me.
Went to a Napa winery (yes we do this often) with two of Sophia’s friends who are visiting from out of town. I was a bit of a third wheel as the only guy but they needed someone to stay relatively sober and drive. We’re members of a particularly upscale winey (spent years on a waitlist to join a club that allows us to spend stupid money on wine) that is great to bring friends to. Beautiful views and great wine make for a nice afternoon.
The winery rep assigned to us for our tasting was new to the winery and a young man, late 20’s, shaggy blonde hair, who looks like he works out. Nice, friendly, and even has a graduate degree in winemaking (UC Davis has the Mondavi school). As soon as I saw him, I knew “Russ” was exactly Sophia’s type and I felt a twitch of possible anticipation.
Sure enough, as soon as they sat down, the flirting began. She sat closest to him, he was standing behind a small table, and was super talkative. She didn’t need a sip of wine to start leaning in towards him and I think almost too obviously showing off her cleavage. After a few drinks, she and her friends were laughing hard at his jokes and Sophia was reaching over and touching his arm as if she needed to steady herself from laughing so hard. Maybe because I was relatively sober but I felt like she was overdoing it.
Regardless, they got into a discussion about food pairings with different wines and Russ claimed to be into baking and recommended several different foods to try with different wines we were having. He offered to share recipes. So he and Sophia shared phone numbers and emails. Sophia’s two friends gave me sidelong looks when she did this but they were buzzing themselves, too. When it was time to leave, Sophia bounced towards him and said something about feeling like they bonded too much for a handshake and gave him a tight, long hug.
Later at home, I brought up Russ and she said much of the same kind of thing she always says. He was hot and she was flattered and she knows I like her to flirt and she had fun but it won’t go anywhere and she’s not going to call him and I should give it up etc etc etc. I think I just felt a bit fed up with the same story over and over. A little frustrated that these situations seem to keep happening but never go anywhere. I do enjoy the tantalizing opportunities but the more often that these situations end with a “nothing happened”, they become less tantalizing because I no longer hope that anything more than flirting will happen. I’m tired of waiting. At some point, it has to be “jam today!”
So I made some bitter comments about her being a flirt and it being a bit pathetic looking if she has no intention of it going anywhere and why lead the guy on etc. Newsflash: comments not well received. She had a few choice words for me and I admit they were deserved. In sum, she told me the problem is that I keep harboring these hopes and if I don’t want to be disappointed anymore, the easiest solution is for me to give it up.
So then I asked her point blank if the chance of this happening truly is zero.
She waited a while to answer. I could see her thinking. She answered carefully, speaking slowly. She said the chance is not zero. She’s been tempted and still is. More than once, she said she almost told me that she was going to do it with this guy or that. But she realizes now that the situation is never “just right” and she’s thinking that maybe it's her subconscious way of protecting herself. She knows doing this would have serious ramifications and those scare her and she doesn’t see the need to take such risk with our marriage, our family, our life together.
I didn’t say much at first but she did deflate the anger from me. She obviously loves me and our life together and I’d be a fool to not appreciate and value that. I said that I didn’t think it was the big deal she seemed to think, at least it wouldn’t be for me, but I respect that she may feel differently. I said I thought it would be erotic and fun for us and something that could even bring us closer together. That sexual fulfillment is a good thing, for both of us. But I also said that for me to really enjoy it, it couldn’t be something she “did for me”. She had to want it herself. That desire on her part was a key component of my own fantasy. So if she’s not into it, then there’s no reason to force anything.
We left it at that. Not really sure where it leaves things. Maybe much the same place. We did make love then, no dildos, and it was emotional and loving and very nice.
If this is the love life I’m “stuck with”, I’ll be forever grateful but I think you’ll find my posts in the “wannabe” forum for a while.
Alas, the whole thing turned out to be fake. But it was a fun read for a while.
