Recently started getting fantasies. How to cope with it?

[anondesires]

Last night, while watching TV, we started to get intimate. We hadn't had sex since Sunday night. It was a nice build up, reminded me of old times, just us being turned on by each other, nothing kinky. Maybe we should've kept it downstairs but it's not as comfortable so we went upstairs. I think some of the mood was lost in going upstairs, it felt good initially but started to feel like neither of us were quite in the mood for it. My mind wandered to the thought that my friend had fucked her and I got more into it. A few seconds later, she asked if I was thinking about him fucking her, I admitted that I was. She pointed out that she thought we weren't going to do that. I told her it wasn't intentional, it just happened. She joked about me not being able to enjoy sex without getting cucked anymore, it turned me on in a humiliating way. She smiled at me, knowing that she had turned me on with it.

She then proceeded to ask me questions and have me tell her things. I don't remember the exact questions or order but each one seemed to get us both increasingly horny. She had me tell her I needed her to cuck me. She had me specify that I wanted to see her take big cocks. She had me tell her I was grateful that she'd pursued all of this. She asked if I was ok with her enjoying bigger cocks more than mine. She had me ask her to fuck my friend again and then pointed out that I'd have to ask him too. I resisted. She said she wouldn't ask him, that if I wanted them to cuck me again, I'd have to ask him, the thought of asking him to was humiliating and got me wound up and horny. She said it might be easier if I didn't cum. I think she asked if I would "be a good cuck and keep her pussy clean for him" but I remember her referring to it as "his pussy". She offered me the alternative of owning her pussy but I was already in the "too late to back out" point of being about to cum from what she was telling me before that, I gave her a couple of hard thrusts and erupted inside her.

She was smiling at me as I opened my eyes and then we embraced. She joked that she didn't think that counted as owning her pussy. It was good sex, despite her not cumming and despite it being about the things we agreed to have a break from.

[King_Mr]

Wow that’s hot looks like she knows where your heart is

[venus-can99]

Thanks for the post Anon... she certainly knows what gets you excited and has the power to bring out your innermost desires

[Tryagain]

C'mon already...I do not think sucking his cock will change your world for gosh sakes. I disagree that your relationship to him will be changed all that much at all either. Look at what has been going on already. Just another step. I think you feel it will be more acceptable to you if you struggle against it. Think about saying to him, as you grab and suck his cock, that you can only imagine how good it feels to stretch her out with it. You will get a big kick out of this and your GF will love it too. A bonus!

[DoctorLuv]

Years ago I was a bull to a cuck friend of mine and his wife. His wife continually badgered him to suck my cock before or after I had fucked her. Evidently she badgered him when I wasn’t around as well as when we were playing. Ultimately he caved and asked to fluff me so that he could feel my cock grow in his mouth and so he could help get me ready to fuck his wife. I consented, but I was concerned that I wouldn’t get an erection despite his best efforts. Well, I had no problem responding. However the weird thing was the moment he took my cock in his mouth, she looked away. In fact for the 5 minutes I let him suck my cock, she continued to look away. I fucked her as usual that night, but I never fucked her again. They never invited me back. The guy had been a friend of mine long before I knew he was a cuck or I had fucked his wife. Our relationship became quite awkward. We worked in the same place, but we continued to avoid each other from then on.

[chastity_boi]

Hi Anon,
Glad to hear that you and your girlfriend have spent some time with just the two of you reconnecting. Your recollection of last night is once again really hot and it's clear this turns both of you on as you both naturally gravitated back towards the cuckold dynamic you have been nurturing together. I'm sure you've had these conversations (so feel free to ignore) but in case you haven't, have you discussed this whole thing in a non-sexual scenario? It's really easy to agree to some crazy shit when you are being edged and your partner is triggering you by pushing your cuck/kink buttons but that is not necessarily how you should be setting your limits and expectations. If not it may be worth sitting down and having a proper conversation about what everybody (including your friend) wants from this relationship and also define some soft limits and set some hard ones. You and your girlfriend seem to have a great relationship. She is caring attentive and is trying to give you a safe space to explore this thing that has manifested itself. You have the safeword and she is respecting that, as is your friend, but if you had set some limits this may have played out differently. Example you could set a no holds barred space when you are alone together where you can discuss fantasies and experiment together without fear of prejudice or judgement to feel out what may turn both of you on or not - but no big deal - you still have your safeword (you may or may not want that next time she pegs you - limits change) . Out of this you set some soft and hard limits around what turns you on when you're alone together - things you may not have tried before and are not sure about but would like to see where things go with your friend involved and things that are a definite No-Go under any circumstance. In the context of last Sunday for example - you set a soft limit whereby she can verbally threaten/taunt/coax you in front of your friend about anything (including sucking his cock), but you have a hard limit that you don't want your friend's cock in or near your mouth. Last Sunday may have played out differently as your girlfriend mindfucks you with the threat or implication of making you suck your friend's cock, but the hard limit allow you to lean into your submissive/cuck desires safe in the knowledge that that particular line will not be crossed and his cock will not be heading your way despite what's being said. With the verbal taunting as a soft limit this is where she could really try to push boundaries to satisfy her own fantasies but you would be secure in the knowledge that despite what may be said that line won't be crossed. Again if she pushes too hard you still have your safeword. Your pride may have taken a dent but you didn't suck you friends cock. Obviously communication is key so over time these boundaries may and probably will change - hell you may even reach a point where being cuckolded is a hard no - who knows - but it at least gives you a framework where you can explore things in a more safe and secure manner without fear of overstepping any boundaries or making it not fun for one or more of the people involved. It also seems like your friend was genuinely concerned last Sunday, respects you, your relationship and the privileged position you've both entrusted him with. He seems to know when he can have a joke with you and when to back off and appears to keep any reference to your activities appropriate. This is good and obviously any discussions or limits you set with your girlfriend can also be discussed with him or at least communicated back to him by your girlfriend. Like I say you've probably had these conversations but thought I would put this out there in case you have not. You appear to have a great thing going on here and there's no reason why it shouldn't continue and develop. So far you've done a pretty amazing job of sailing what are some very treacherous waters (and believe me I know).

[hornedhubby]

I was wondering if she has asked about inviting her ex back over? The guy she fucked in front of you on p. 9.

Has she asked if you would be more inclined to suck his cock with her, rather than your best friend's?

Perhaps if you both discussed your fantasy and boundary issues with the ex as the subject cock, you could get some insight about whether you really want to try this.

From your description of the p. 9 fuck, the guy sounded arrogant and dominant enough to be agreeable on the receiving end. If you agreed to be 'forced' by your girlfriend to give him a blowjob during a fuck session, at least there would be no friendship ramifications.

Would she be willing to fuck the ex again? I believe she plans to fuck him again whenever she feels the itch.

Would you be more willing to fluff and clean up the cum under those circumstances? Less baggage? Easier to imagine?

[mickey151947]

Anon,

I'm curious what thoughts and feelings you had when your GF brought up cuckolding last night, and again this morning. You had said before that you didn't think your GF knew what cuckolding was, and maybe she didn't, but she sure seemed to catch on to the concept pretty quick. And that discussion she had with you this morning about you sucking off your friend, that's basically an expression of power and dominance dynamic in a cuckold relationship. I don't think she wants you to be bi, I just think she wants you to essentially submit and relinquish your power in this dynamic. She's catching on to the whole concept very quickly, and I'd argue that you and she are basically sharing the same headspace. I'll be sitting right here with my bowl of popcorn as this whole thing develops..... and would one of the admins please hit the hot button on this thread!

When she said she googled it, I got scared, more scared at least because she was already violating me from behind. I was worried what things she might've read about or assumptions she might've made, there's a lot of extreme things out there and I don't think I'm into any of them. It sounds like she's spent the week studying it and analysing me. I don't know if she was expecting me to enjoy last night, it seemed like she was partly going with her gut and partly following advice. She made some of it really hot but a lot of it was jarring and misunderstood, I felt like I didn't know her sometimes, there was a cruel and care-free façade to her.

When she brought it up again this morning, it made me shudder, just her saying the word. It feels like something I've tried to distance myself from for so long and now she's just talking about it openly. On the other hand, it was a relief to not have to be so careful when discussing sex. We've discussed a lot but there's still a lot unsaid, she's not pried much into the details and I haven't pried into what she thinks I'm into.

My inability to properly dominate her is definitely changing things. I don't think she would've been comfortable enough to do what she did last night a year or more ago. Most of the time it feels like she wants to fuck like we used to, me being in control. Sometimes now it feels like she's in control and I'm doing what she wants or needs. Like, she still enjoys sucking my dick because it gives me pleasure but she doesn't crave it like before. That could just be the excitement wearing off after 4 years.

No that is her desire for you wearing off. As she preparws herself for a better endowed man.

[mickey151947]

Anon,

I'm curious what thoughts and feelings you had when your GF brought up cuckolding last night, and again this morning. You had said before that you didn't think your GF knew what cuckolding was, and maybe she didn't, but she sure seemed to catch on to the concept pretty quick. And that discussion she had with you this morning about you sucking off your friend, that's basically an expression of power and dominance dynamic in a cuckold relationship. I don't think she wants you to be bi, I just think she wants you to essentially submit and relinquish your power in this dynamic. She's catching on to the whole concept very quickly, and I'd argue that you and she are basically sharing the same headspace. I'll be sitting right here with my bowl of popcorn as this whole thing develops..... and would one of the admins please hit the hot button on this thread!

When she said she googled it, I got scared, more scared at least because she was already violating me from behind. I was worried what things she might've read about or assumptions she might've made, there's a lot of extreme things out there and I don't think I'm into any of them. It sounds like she's spent the week studying it and analysing me. I don't know if she was expecting me to enjoy last night, it seemed like she was partly going with her gut and partly following advice. She made some of it really hot but a lot of it was jarring and misunderstood, I felt like I didn't know her sometimes, there was a cruel and care-free façade to her.

When she brought it up again this morning, it made me shudder, just her saying the word. It feels like something I've tried to distance myself from for so long and now she's just talking about it openly. On the other hand, it was a relief to not have to be so careful when discussing sex. We've discussed a lot but there's still a lot unsaid, she's not pried much into the details and I haven't pried into what she thinks I'm into.

My inability to properly dominate her is definitely changing things. I don't think she would've been comfortable enough to do what she did last night a year or more ago. Most of the time it feels like she wants to fuck like we used to, me being in control. Sometimes now it feels like she's in control and I'm doing what she wants or needs. Like, she still enjoys sucking my dick because it gives me pleasure but she doesn't crave it like before. That could just be the excitement wearing off after 4 years.

No that is her desire for you wearing off. As she prepares herself for a better endowed man.

[DoctorLuv]

When a man complains of a lack of intimacy in a marriage or relationship, he’s saying that he’s not getting enough sex. When a woman complains of a lack of intimacy in their marriage or relationship, she’s saying that she’s not getting enough open, honest, and vulnerable communication. Most women value intimate communication more than sex.
He may not have the biggest dick or the greatest stamina. However, what he lacks in sexual prowess he seems to make up for with his communication skills. I think his gf really does love him and isn’t looking to replace him. I think she feels very fortunate to be with a man who’s willing to green light her to have sex with those who may be better endowed sexual Olympians. I don’t think she is looking to spend the rest of her life with an insensitive clod with a big cock. From what anondesire has posted, she really does appreciate the intimate relationship she currently has

[ppisbest5]

After your last session have your gf and friend stayed in contact? Texting? If so, what do they discuss or talk about.

You said how you guys had a quiet few days and it made you feel good but once again in the heat of the moment at peak arousal, she got you to admit to and ask/beg for things that you wouldn't always want in a normal setting and things like asking both of them to cuck you. This description just feels to me like you're more alone in this and she just looks to push things further when you're aroused. Ofcourse it was just dirty talk and doesn't mean it'll necessarily happen but what happens when she actually gets you to ask/beg your friend to fuck her again? The dynamic gets even more tilted and out of your hands and you basically lose all power in this threeway.

You said that she has prioritised and made clear that your relationship comes first always but it seems like she says this only because she knows for certain she'll get you to come around again and let her fuck other people. What if you were to decide in a month or even a year that you don't want to spend the rest of your life like this and want to be normal and vanilla?

It just seems like from my perspective ever since the beginning of your thread that she holds things back and is not 100% honest with you about a whole lot of things. You might mention again like you did earlier that she was protecting you guy's relationship or that she might want the best for you but all of what you have described about her to us has just left a sour taste in my mouth since the beginning.

I feel bad saying all this stuff because my posts come off as just portraying her the bad guy but these are just my honest thoughts and opinions and I hope you don't take offense. Just trying to look out for you that's all.

I really hope you think straight when making big decisions and make them respect your boundaries so that you all don't have to feel bad when you use your safe word.

PS. You asked me in an earlier post what brings me here and my previous experience,

I'm about to start my psychiatry residency and while I've never been in this lifestyle I've had a past experience where let's just say i was betrayed by a someone who I considered a good friend and my new girlfriend at the time. It practically ruined my life for a year as well as reputation.. it's a long story with details that I won't go into but that's when I found the term cuckolding. Im kind of a nerd so I like to read everything and anything which sent me down a rabbit hole which is how I ended up on this website. and I was very intrigued by what I read. Made me coming back here because most of these people (including) you are actually real people living this wild lifestyle and it's just one of those things where you can't keep your eyes off cause you really want to see what happens lol.

[DoctorLuv]

Recent posts I have made on this thread have precipitated several DM‘s to me. I’ve been asked to post an amalgam of my responses on this thread. I don’t do so with the intent of hijacking this thread. However, supposedly the purpose of this entire thread was to provide anondesire insight with shared experiences.
As I have already posted, I’m a retired trauma surgeon. Other physicians can become excellent in their craft without having a mentor. However, to become a great or even a very good surgeon, one needs to have a great mentor. My friend was approximately 15 years older than I was, and he was my mentor.
At the time, I didn’t really know what a cuckold was and didn’t understand the psychology of the dynamic. However, I was training in San Francisco, which at the time was the gay capital of the United States. It also was the time immediately before AIDS where sex was incredibly rampant. I used to confide with my male friends that it was the Golden Age of Pussy. I used to tease that in San Francisco all the guys better looking than I was were gay, so I had no competition with the ladies.
Because of the libertine nature of San Francisco, prior to me having sex with my mentor’s wife, I had had multiple sexual encounters with partner swapping & MFF & MMF group sex. However, in all those sexual encounters there never was any MM sex, at least not with my direct involvement. At the time, I never understood why he never joined in when I was having sex with his wife.
Our first sexual encounter definitely seemed to be precipitated by his wife who over time became increasingly and even outrageously flirtatious with me. Ultimately my mentor conceded that his wife wanted to have sex with me, that it was something that they did, & they both enjoyed it. Also, he emphasized, “It’s only sex,” and it was something that would not deleteriously affect our personal or professional relationship.
After our last sexual encounter, the one I previously described, I never again had a personal conversation with either my mentor or his wife.
A few months after that sexual encounter that I described, my mentor bought a motorcycle. Can you believe it? A trauma surgeon bought a motorcycle?! A year later he was killed on that motorcycle.
Shortly after his death, his widow actually contacted me and wanted to know if I would have sex with her. It was the first time we had spoken since our last sexual encounter. I was horrified at the thought of again having sex with her. However, I didn’t want to sound too judgmental in my rejection so I told her I was already in a committed relationship. She then had the audacity to challenge me by indignantly saying, “I guess it was all right for you to fuck your friend’s wife when they were married, but now you’re a big proponent of monogamy?!”
As I already said, she & my mentor definitely pursued & seduced me. Nevertheless, I felt incredible guilt at the loss of his friendship. I felt even more guilt after his death. I couldn’t help but believe that what I had done with him & his wife had precipitated his self destructive behavior that ultimately led to his death.
Several posters have said they expect anondesire, at his gf’s urging, will soon suck his friend’s cock. I’ve been asked what do I think?
Unfortunately, I think they’re probably right. However, I wish he wouldn’t. Instead, I wish they would find a more anonymous guy for them to explore how much they really want him to suck cock. As I’ve said, I had an unfortunate experience, where a very dear friend of mine sucked my cock, and it resulted in the loss of his friendship. I’m not sure that Anon understands how much sucking his friend’s cock will affect their relationship. No matter how much he loves his girlfriend, his best friend fucking her is way less impactful than Anon sucking his cock would be on his relationship with his gf. Also, certainly in my case, it destroyed a very valued friendship I had with a mentor. I think anondesire’s best friend definitely, at least for the time being, should remain in the friend zone. That’s not to say that anondesire’s gf shouldn’t continue to have sex with his friend. However, for what it’s worth, I think his best friend should only continue fucking anondesire’s girlfriend if she is also fucking other bulls. Also, I think the frequency of their sex is too much. I don’t think their frequency is good for the 3 of them. Instead of once or twice a week, it should be at most once or twice a month. Between those sexual encounters, she could have sex with other bulls to her heart‘s content.
That’s my opinion, and I’m sticking to it. We’re all influenced by our own experiences. Others may be more experienced than I am. However, anondesire asked for others to give him insight and share their experiences, and I just did.

[anondesires]

Wow that’s hot looks like she knows where your heart is

Thanks for the post Anon... she certainly knows what gets you excited and has the power to bring out your innermost desires

I can't explain in words how hot it is that she can push my buttons the way she does. I feel like a dog rolling over to get its belly stroked.

C'mon already...I do not think sucking his cock will change your world for gosh sakes. I disagree that your relationship to him will be changed all that much at all either. Look at what has been going on already. Just another step. I think you feel it will be more acceptable to you if you struggle against it. Think about saying to him, as you grab and suck his cock, that you can only imagine how good it feels to stretch her out with it. You will get a big kick out of this and your GF will love it too. A bonus!

Noted but I'm just feeling my way through this and it doesn't feel right to me. Why would I do something I don't want to do? She's given me the opportunity, I didn't go for it. Seemingly everything else she's offered, I've taken.

Years ago I was a bull to a cuck friend of mine and his wife. His wife continually badgered him to suck my cock before or after I had fucked her. Evidently she badgered him when I wasn’t around as well as when we were playing. Ultimately he caved and asked to fluff me so that he could feel my cock grow in his mouth and so he could help get me ready to fuck his wife. I consented, but I was concerned that I wouldn’t get an erection despite his best efforts. Well, I had no problem responding. However the weird thing was the moment he took my cock in his mouth, she looked away. In fact for the 5 minutes I let him suck my cock, she continued to look away. I fucked her as usual that night, but I never fucked her again. They never invited me back. The guy had been a friend of mine long before I knew he was a cuck or I had fucked his wife. Our relationship became quite awkward. We worked in the same place, but we continued to avoid each other from then on.

You don't know why she reacted that way?

Thanks for the detailed response. Like you said, we do have those discussions. Learning to have those discussions was what got us into this but probably also prevented a potential breakup. I don't tend to mention those discussions here unless there was anything game changing mentioned. We discuss a lot of how we feel about things, we learn to understand each other but when you boil it down to the important points to write here, there's not much left to say about it.
We've never really had limits because she admits that she'd see them as targets. When I resist something, it turns into her little mission to make it happen so I can see that limits would do the same. So far, she's been good at judging whether to push for something or not. With the cock sucking thing, her own fantasies and desires clouded her judgement but she realises that now. I think it was good to finally use the safe word, she was probably becoming overconfident in her ability to push for things.

I was wondering if she has asked about inviting her ex back over? The guy she fucked in front of you on p. 9.

He didn't seem interested at the time, I can't understand why, he was probably just bored of her. She had to badger him to get that time to happen and didn't want to act desperate by trying to see him again.

Has she asked if you would be more inclined to suck his cock with her, rather than your best friend's?

She's asked all sorts of questions along these lines. I've always said I'm not interested in doing it for real and I'm only playing along because it's her fantasy.

Would you be more willing to fluff and clean up the cum under those circumstances? Less baggage? Easier to imagine?

It's just not a path I want to go down

After your last session have your gf and friend stayed in contact? Texting? If so, what do they discuss or talk about.

Not much. She told him that we were taking a break from it and that she had pushed things too far. They haven't spoken much since.

This description just feels to me like you're more alone in this and she just looks to push things further when you're aroused.

I think it probably comes across that way because I write about the erotic moments and not the other discussions. It's true that she does push things further when I'm aroused, I guess my guard is down and she can explore what makes me tick in a way that's hot for both of us. We do discuss it after. She's aware of how I feel about all different things when I'm horny compared to thinking clearly.

What if you were to decide in a month or even a year that you don't want to spend the rest of your life like this and want to be normal and vanilla?

I don't know is the honest answer. We went into this because we feared we couldn't continue as vanilla, who knows where it ends. I think I considered that it was better to explore and live a little than stay in a safe and unfulfilling place.

It just seems like from my perspective ever since the beginning of your thread that she holds things back and is not 100% honest with you about a whole lot of things. You might mention again like you did earlier that she was protecting you guy's relationship or that she might want the best for you but all of what you have described about her to us has just left a sour taste in my mouth since the beginning.

I respect that you feel that. I don't know if I've worded things in a way that's steered you to that conclusion, maybe I haven't written enough about the good things about her but I don't share your opinion here.

I feel bad saying all this stuff because my posts come off as just portraying her the bad guy but these are just my honest thoughts and opinions and I hope you don't take offense. Just trying to look out for you that's all.

No offense taken, I respect any opinions as long as they're put politely.

I've had a past experience where let's just say i was betrayed by a someone who I considered a good friend and my new girlfriend at the time. It practically ruined my life for a year as well as reputation.. it's a long story with details that I won't go into but that's when I found the term cuckolding.

I would love to hear more about that. Maybe you could tell that story on here? Or PM me? I'd appreciate it for sure, I'm sure others would too.

and I was very intrigued by what I read. Made me coming back here because most of these people (including) you are actually real people living this wild lifestyle and it's just one of those things where you can't keep your eyes off cause you really want to see what happens lol.

So it's a fascination for you? That's how I used to feel about it...

[coastalkid]

Are you having fun? That is the bottom line isn't it? If you're enjoying yourself and your experience you'll want to continue. If you have nagging doubts along with mental/emotional struggles then it becomes sort of a balance sheet of pros and cons. You would naturally be weighing the pleasure vs pain and trying to determine if what you are doing will change your own personal self image. It would also be natural for you to envision all the best and worst case scenarios of what the future holds for you. I would guess those things come to you in your quiet time while you are alone with your thoughts.

I appreciate your thread greatly. This thread is completely about YOU and your processing the experience. Your gf and best friend have facilitated the experience. They have provided the opportunity to see if this is a genuine interest or an exciting fantasy that isn't as compelling as you had thought it might be. It has been very interesting reading your processing of the situation. It's also very, very interesting how you have described your gf and best friend. They both show signs of being dominant and being considerate. It would be easy to dislike them if they were simply heartlessly toying with your emotions.

I can't help but feel that self-respect is a major factor for you. Your posts make me think that you have "something" in you that wants to resist your curiosities. That "something" has not gone away. You hold onto not wanting to give into their incrementally taking you further down the rabbit hole. I get the feeling that when you do yield to their desires to push you further you will struggle with feelings of regret.

Like I said, this is all about you. The advice/observations you get from here have to be confusing also. You get everything from, "Get over it and do it! You'll end up loving it!", to, "Don't do it! You'll have consequences that will haunt you for the rest of your life!"

The ones encouraging you have already come to terms with their choices. They have their own set of specific circumstances with their own particular personalities. It works for them in their world. The ones that say "don't do it" also have their own experiences and knowledge of themselves that urge caution. They've probably had the experience of learning a lesson the hard way and what it takes to recover from a mistake.

Thanks again for your thread! It's been fun for me to project myself into your situation. It's made me think a lot about what I want and don't want.

[Midnight Joker]

Does it still feel like the momentum has died? Do you feel like you've disappointed her in any way? Has she acted like or shown any signs of disappointment in you or herself?

I think she was disappointed at the time but has since realised that she got carried away and we've had some quality time to reflect and realise that.

Indeed, the question is "what do you want"? I would suppose that by answering that question you would by default also be answering the question of "what you KNOW you don't want" too. It's just my opinion but I think you have a lot on your plate. What have your discussions and interactions away from sexual times been like since using the safe word?

We've been close and talking a lot. It's been similar to that time I had a breakdown and considered breaking up. I think she feels guilty and that she's pushed me too far and been selfish. She's been showing/telling me that our relationship is the most important thing to her and we've not mentioned a next time (until last night anyway, I'll write about that in another post). It's been nice to have a break from it, even the week before when we went away there was always talk or messaging going on.

This is supposed to be fun for both of you (or all three). Don't do anything you don't want. Respect her boundaries as she should respect yours. That being said, simply communicate. Tell her you're not mad, but not to push that aspect. If and when (if ever) you want to go down that route then you'll let her know.

[DoctorLuv]

Anon
After I posted my cautionary tale about my experiences with my mentor friend & his wife, you asked me the following question:
“You don't know why she reacted that way?”
By “that way” I presume you mean why did she badger both me & her husband for him to suck my cock? Why did she refuse to watch or even glance at him doing what she said she so desperately wanted him to do? Why did neither of them want anything to do with me afterwards?
The simple answer is they never answered any of those ”why’s” & I was too hurt & embarrassed to ask either of them. After he was killed, had I taken her up on her offer of sex, I definitely would have asked her to answer those why’s. However, I’m not sure I would’ve gotten honest answers. My relationship with her was purely based on fantasy. Frankly I was much more fond of her husband,
My friend told me that his wife loved dominant lovers. He said that after 15 years of marriage, he was too embarrassed to be the dominant lover she wanted in bed. She wanted a very dominant lover, and I played my role to the max. He must’ve been a decent lover because he told me exactly how to push her buttons to turn her on. For instance, she was a big-time squirter. It was easy to make her squirt by either placing two fingers in her vagina and give her the “come hither” sign on her G spot. Likewise, she would easily squirt if I got the head of my penis and moved it up and down on her aroused vaginal opening. I frankly never saw the size of my friend’s penis, but obviously he had no problems making his wife squirt.

The first and every time I fucked her, I would make her beg to let me stick my cock in her pussy. After I made her squirt several times with my finger and the head of my penis I would repeat repeatedly ask her questions like, “Do you want me to put my cock in your pussy? Do you want me to put it in? If you want me to put it in beg me? You’ll need to beg me better than that if you want me to put it in?” After I made her sguirt with the head of my penis. I would scold her and say “How dare you dirty my cock with your filthy pussy juice. Lick it and suck it clean or I’m not going to put it in your pussy.” Then she would dutifully lick and suck my cock clean before I would put it in her pussy.
The next day after my first time fucking his wife, I saw my friend at the hospital. First he thanked & complimented me for my performance. Soon we were both laughing about how I fucked his wife.
I have a Serbian last name that has a comical English pronunciation. Almost everyone who learns my last name, asks what nationality my name is. When my mentor first found out my last name, he too asked. Of course I told him Serbian. After I had fucked his wife, he called me the “Put it in Serbian,“ However, when he said it, he made it rhyme in a sing song way. We both laughed heartily each and every time he called me the “Put it in Serbian.”
I don’t think his wife ever heard the term. It was a private joke between us with his wife the butt of the joke. If she would have heard the term, I suspect it would have taken away some of the fantasy she needed.

[Cuckcuckgoose1]

Anon
After I posted my cautionary tale about my experiences with my mentor friend & his wife, you asked me the following question:
“You don't know why she reacted that way?”
By “that way” I presume you mean why did she badger both me & her husband for him to suck my cock? Why did she refuse to watch or even glance at him doing what she said she so desperately wanted him to do? Why did neither of them want anything to do with me afterwards?
The simple answer is they never answered any of those ”why’s” & I was too hurt & embarrassed to ask either of them. After he was killed, had I taken her up on her offer of sex, I definitely would have asked her to answer those why’s. However, I’m not sure I would’ve gotten honest answers. My relationship with her was purely based on fantasy. Frankly I was much more fond of her husband,
My friend told me that his wife loved dominant lovers. He said that after 15 years of marriage, he was too embarrassed to be the dominant lover she wanted in bed. She wanted a very dominant lover, and I played my role to the max. He must’ve been a decent lover because he told me exactly how to push her buttons to turn her on. For instance, she was a big-time squirter. It was easy to make her squirt by either placing two fingers in her vagina and give her the “come hither” sign on her G spot. Likewise, she would easily squirt if I got the head of my penis and moved it up and down on her aroused vaginal opening. I frankly never saw the size of my friend’s penis, but obviously he had no problems making his wife squirt.

The first and every time I fucked her, I would make her beg to let me stick my cock in her pussy. After I made her squirt several times with my finger and the head of my penis I would repeat repeatedly ask her questions like, “Do you want me to put my cock in your pussy? Do you want me to put it in? If you want me to put it in beg me? You’ll need to beg me better than that if you want me to put it in?” After I made her sguirt with the head of my penis. I would scold her and say “How dare you dirty my cock with your filthy pussy juice. Lick it and suck it clean or I’m not going to put it in your pussy.” Then she would dutifully lick and suck my cock clean before I would put it in her pussy.
The next day after my first time fucking his wife, I saw my friend at the hospital. First he thanked & complimented me for my performance. Soon we were both laughing about how I fucked his wife.
I have a Serbian last name that has a comical English pronunciation. Almost everyone who learns my last name, asks what nationality my name is. When my mentor first found out my last name, he too asked. Of course I told him Serbian. After I had fucked his wife, he called me the “Put it in Serbian,“ However, when he said it, he made it rhyme in a sing song way.

Every time you post i can't help but think of the mid 70's Kiss song by the same name as your user name. One of their biggest hits. Lol

[DoctorLuv]

Yes, I know the song. My wife was my sedation nurse before we married 20yrs ago. She called me Doctor Love on our first date. She told me that’s what the nurses called me behind my back. She said they all warned her about going out with me. Sometimes she still teases me that she should have listened to them.

[anondesires]

Last night, after our dinner date night, I gave in and asked him. I figured he would just jump at the chance, I didn't expect it to get so personal or to commit to anything more than Sunday. At the time it was hot, it was a thrill, my heart was pounding. Looking back and while writing this out on here, I feel some shame.

Me: Are you coming over on Sunday?
Him: I thought you 2 were having a break from it?
Me: We have been...
Him: So...
Me: Do you want to come over?
Him: Like old times?
Me: like new...
Him: You're going to have to spell it out, I don't want to be involved in another misunderstanding ​
Me: Would you like to come over on Sunday and fuck [my girlfriend]?
Him: I'd love to and I'm sure she'd love it too but is that what you really want?
Me: Yes
Him: She's not putting you up to this or anything?
Me: No
Him: Has anything changed?
Me: What do you mean?
Him: She said something about things going too far, have you figured it out now? do you have limits or something?
Me: Not really limits, she understands better now
Him: So if she gave you that choice again? What would happen?
Me: She wouldn't
Him: But if she did
Me: I don't know, same outcome I guess but she'd know not to try
Him: It still blows my mind that you're into this
Me: It's still strange for me too, I've just learned to accept that it's hot for me
Him: It's hot for me too. I kinda stopped seeing [the girl I was seeing] because fucking [your girlfriend] was hotter. Plus it suits me to not have to deal with all the emotional and commitment stuff. I'm assuming you're asking to go back to that arrangement?
Me: What arrangement do you mean exactly?
Him: As it was before, not a one off, I can fuck her whenever I want?
Me: I guess. How often are we talking?
Him: 2-3 times a week, like before
Me: More like 1-2 would be better... and I'd like to watch at least 1 of those...
Him: But you don't seem like you really want this and you don't seem into it when you watch
Me: I am, put yourself in my shoes, it's difficult but I am into it
Him: Convince me that you want me to do this
Me: How?
Him: Tell me what you like about it, tell me what you've enjoyed so far
Me: Seeing the way she is with you, your dick brings out a side of her I don't get to see
Him: You like seeing her take a bigger cock?
Me: Yes
Him: Keep going...
Me: Why? You jerking off or something? ​
Him: So what if I am? Don't pretend you wouldn't be turned on if I was begging you to fuck my girlfriend
Me: I'm not begging ​
Him: Don't ruin it! You're begging...
Me: ok, I'm begging...
Me: please fuck my girl... give her what she needs... ​
Him: Send a photo
Me: Of her?
Him: Yes, of her, I don't want a photo of you! ​
Me: Why? You've got videos of her already
Him: Go on
Me: [fairly recent photo of her looking hot on a date night]
Him: You must have something more nude than that?
Me: [almost nude, seductive pose she sent me a year ago when I was away for the weekend]
Him: fuck yes ​
Him: what's the hottest thing we've done so far?
Me: probably when you gave the running commentary while I was blindfolded
Him: you liked that? I thought I was being a dick
Him: I was just taking advantage of you not being able to do anything about it
Me: You were being a dick, it's weird how the turn on works
Him: The humiliation turns you on, eh? ​
Me: I guess so
Me: What's been the hottest thing for you so far?
Him: That first time I fucked her, when she was stripping off and sucking me in front of you, the feeling of giving into years of temptation after you'd both asked me to
Him: Also, cumming inside her and knowing she was going to feed it to you, I don't know why, it's a hot concept
Me: Knowing you're cucking me makes it hotter?
Him: So much hotter, sorry. It's like I know how much you love her and that makes it feel so wrong but so fucking hot.
Him: Any requests?
Me: I don't think so, no secrets, no sneaking around, don't do anything that you only do when I'm not there. What about you?
Him: Got it. I was hoping more for erotic fantasies, not rules and restrictions, kill joy
Him: I know it must feel awkward for you when I ask you to beg and stuff but it feels a bit awkward for me when it feels like you're not into it. Maybe role play if you have to, help me out a bit?
Me: ok
Me: So we're on for Sunday?
Him: Since you asked so nicely

She was sat near me during the convo, she wasn't reading it but I kept her in the loop, I asked if I could send those photos for example. When I told her we're on for Sunday she seemed happy but like she was happy for me or us, not the excited for Sunday kind. We were getting a bit horny and intimate and she told me that Sunday was less than 2 days away. I knew what she meant by that, that she didn't think we should have sex until she's fucked him. The realisation that I'd just asked him to cuck me and denied myself sex for 2 days felt tragic but hot. I told her that he hadn't been seeing the girl he was seeing, she didn't seem to mind. I asked how she felt about keeping 2 guys sexually satisfied, she liked the concept. I wrote this far yesterday night but my head was racing and I ended up masturbating and not wanting to finish posting after.

I remembered how I felt before, not wanting it to happen but if it happened, it would be hot and I'd accept it. I realised things had shifted again, I wouldn't have asked him before, I would've left it to them. There were elements of it before that put me off the idea, they didn't seem to put me off anymore. Everything was either a turn on, humiliating and therefor a turn on or a twisted kind of shameful turn on. I jerked off thinking about how I'd asked him to cuck me, not just once, but regularly. I'd essentially asked him to use my girlfriend as his booty call. I thought about the things he had said, how he was probably jerking off to me asking him, how knowing he was cucking me turned him on more. As I came it felt like exorcising a demon, a massive release of pleasure and being cleansed of those thoughts. I felt huge shame.

[anondesires]

Are you having fun? That is the bottom line isn't it?

I would say so. It's always seemed so scary at every step and scary not knowing what we're headed for but it's an adventure. I can see how people might look back on these experiences as being good times. I guess if it ends badly, it taints the whole thing and you wonder how you didn't see it coming.

I can't help but feel that self-respect is a major factor for you. Your posts make me think that you have "something" in you that wants to resist your curiosities. That "something" has not gone away. You hold onto not wanting to give into their incrementally taking you further down the rabbit hole. I get the feeling that when you do yield to their desires to push you further you will struggle with feelings of regret.

I would agree with that.

It's made me think a lot about what I want and don't want.

I would love to hear what that is for you and how my experiences might have changed that. What things do you like about my situation? What things do you not?

[wannabecUKold]

Thank you.
I won't tell you not to feel shame, since it is not your choice, not your call. But remember that post-nut shame is not who you are, everyone feels it. You will always want to be cuckolded now.

You have a good friendship with your friend. It's fun for you both when you are begging him to fuck your girlfriend, whenever he wants.
It must make you so hard, asking him. Him too, of course.

Have a good session tomorrow with him. Btw, get stripped naked when they do. Show your erection. No point now pretending you're not totally involved in it.

PS To answer your last question, what like, what not like. I loved you being manacled and blindfolded, forcing you to be naked and showing your erection and you could do nothing about it, except enjoy it. I love you having to plead for him to fuck your girlfriend. In these ways you yield to your temptation, which I think you should. As you know, I wish you would suck his cock. Feelings of regret? - yes maybe, but don't beat yourself up.
In your situation, I would be like you, wondering where this gets to. I think it would teach me about myself, that I had to have a girl like your gf, with a strong sex drive willing to try things out. (Yes, we know girls are manipulative.) I envy you and congratulate you doing this. I summary, I like your situation.

[vicg]

Him: I know it must feel awkward for you when I ask you to beg and stuff but it feels a bit awkward for me when it feels like you're not into it. Maybe role play if you have to, help me out a bit?

I think this was a really important part of your conversation with your friend last night. In the past, when either of them have asked you to beg, you resisted because it felt like giving in to their domination. Does it help to know that part of the reason he does it is to reassure himself that what they’re doing is not upsetting you? That might make it easier for you to get more visibly into it, showing your excitement, and even begging.

[King_Mr]

Do you think this is heading for a poly scenario?

[anondesires]

You will always want to be cuckolded now.

This scares me. A week ago, I thought I wanted it to stop or slow down, I wondered if I was over it, if the novelty had worn off. I worried that I wouldn't want it to continue and what might happen if I asked her to stop. When we agreed to have a break from it, it was a relief that it could stop and we could have normality back but it was short lived. Sex didn't feel the same without it. When she said it was up to me to pursue it again, I didn't think she was serious, she would've probably given in and pursued it eventually but I kept thinking about it and maybe even worried that it might not continue, especially if I left it longer. It didn't seem like a big deal to just give him a nudge and make tomorrow happen. So it scares me that I might actually need it now to some extent. I even found myself thinking the other day how I'm lucky that so many guys find her attractive and masturbated to the thought of any guy with a bigger dick than me being allowed to fuck her. The post nut clarity was shocking.

You have a good friendship with your friend. It's fun for you both when you are begging him to fuck your girlfriend, whenever he wants.
It must make you so hard, asking him. Him too, of course.

That last conversation I shared was different... We usually joke about it, that was much more direct and serious. I didn't expect it to be like that and I was hard, probably would've been jerking off too if my girlfriend wasn't there. Part of me wanted the conversation to continue but I guess I was afraid of him thinking I was enjoying it. I've thought about messaging again today but haven't for the same reason.

[anondesires]

I think this was a really important part of your conversation with your friend last night. In the past, when either of them have asked you to beg, you resisted because it felt like giving in to their domination.

I think it's denial. I've always considered myself to not be a proper cuck, I don't even like writing it like that. I've admitted to them that some of the stereotypical cuck stuff turns me on but actually showing them that it does feels too tragic. I feel the need to play it down, act like it's not a big deal, not give into their humiliation traps.

Does it help to know that part of the reason he does it is to reassure himself that what they’re doing is not upsetting you? That might make it easier for you to get more visibly into it, showing your excitement, and even begging.

It does and I think his suggestion of role playing helps. Knowing that I could pass it all off as role play feels like an easy way in.

Do you think this is heading for a poly scenario?

Unlikely? I don't really understand what poly is though. They're not interested in each other other than for sex. Isn't poly more like a relationship of more than 2?