Ask a Hotwife Thread, to be answered by VHWs only!

[Lookingforadventure]

I’m wondering if becoming a hotwife generally makes women feel more attractive or beautiful? Do you feel more feminine? And lastly, do you feel more loved? Three separate questions. Thanks for your responses

Yes, being a hotwife has made me feel more attractive. Or maybe the whole ENM realm has. It started with posting photos. I was sure that no one would comment or care, and was surprised by the positive reaction. I think that society can give the impression that women peak in their sexual attractiveness in their late 20's. Middle-aged women, who have given birth to children, have wrinkles and life scars, don't necessarily see themselves as sexual. So this lifestyle has helped me move past that.

I'm not sure if I feel more feminine. I feel more sexy. And I do enjoy nice lingerie. If you define "feminine" as being really done up with lots of make-up, perfect hair, high heels, and expensive clothes, then that's not me at all. If feminine is just owning being a woman with a healthy sexual appetite, then sure. It has helped.

I don't feel more loved by my husband. He has always loved me. I do feel that he's proud of me in new and different ways, and I like that feeling. I also feel like our communication has improved (even though it was good before) and it has deepened our relationship.

[Lookingforadventure]

I would love for a VHW to answer this! My wife is a super attractive hotwife turned cold a year after childbirth. Until very recently she loved to play. We have been in the lifestyle for over 10 years, and we have had incredible experiences, including several MFM and MFMF, DP a few times, and even a gangbang for her once, and she used to enjoy all these experiences, even though she never really liked to plan anything herself. She is the type who prefers things to happen semi-spontaneously, so I was always the one who had to make things happen for her. She was also open on the idea of seeing one of her guys (whom we both can trust) on her own, though she never actually got to try this.
But after we had a child a year ago, she has changed. Not sure though if the change is real, or if she is just turned shy all of a sudden, and won’t admit she still likes it. We still had a nice recent MFM experience with DP a few months ago 4 months or so after our child was born, when one of her guys happened to be in town, and she had a great time, but he doesn’t come to town regularly, and she seems resistant to do things we enjoyed before, getting to meet new people, going to clubs, nude beach etc. Even after we make babysitting arrangements to have the day on our own for that purpose, she suddenly reverses course and says that she no longer likes guys bothering her etc., like she became a completely different person! And as when she was pregnant she lost touch with a couple of her guys, we had regular MFMs with, she no longer feels like reaching out to them, and they haven’t reached out to her. Our sex life is still fantastic, however, even though it is missing the extra spice, and we still fantasize and reminisce to our spicy memories, which now seem to get ever more distant in the past.
It is hard for me to explain why the change, and when I talk to her she just says that now things are different. Not sure if she changed for real though or the right situation has not happened, as we still fantasize together about those situations. Was tempted to “conspire” to coincidentally meet with some of the couples we know in a setting that looks coincidental to see her reaction, and find out if the change is for real or not, but I feel guilty not to be 100% sincere with her as I have always been. Need to say that even before when she was hot, she was going through cold stages, but a coincidental meeting with one of her fave guys, and she would get reignited all of a sudden!
What do you think? Have you been in this situation before? If yes, would you like it if your husband made things happen for you behind your back to help you come out of the shyness shell? Or you would rather him give you the space and time you need away from other guys and couples, and just focus on your relationship? Thank you!

I wasn't a hot wife when my children were born, but I can tell you that having kids definitely changes you. Like you guys, it didn't stop our sex life, but it did change it. I think that's natural. Your body has been through a lot...and if you are breast-feeding, it still is. You aren't sleeping as well or as often. Your mental energy is being divided in new ways. It is exhausting. I think it is totally normal for someone to want to take a break from the lifestyle and focus on the new realities of being a parent for awhile. It doesn't mean that the hot wife thing won't come back one day. It just might take time.

I wouldn't try to sneakily arrange things behind your wife's back. That sounds like a disaster in the making. But you could have a conversation with her about how you are feeling. And I definitely recommend finding opportunities for couple time and dates away from the baby. You could also encourage her to have solo time or time with her friends while you watch the baby. It can be hard for new moms to remember that they are more than a mom. Time and "permission" to explore hobbies, have friends, go take a nap, whatever, can be important.

[Lookingforadventure]

Dear hotwifes
Me and my wife have had the talk, or I have told her my fantasy and she has, after some time, accepted that I would like too se her fuck someone else.
At first she was pretty comfortable with finding someone but it couldn't be in our city. She don't want it so be known that we live like this. After some time she became more negative and have told me "in your dreams" when it comes up for discussion. Yesterday she told me she would fuck someone if I were present, I asked her again if she would and she said yes, I would do it for you!

How should I go from here? Should I give her mandatory to find a guy? Should I book a weekend trip in a month so she has time to find someone? Should I ask her to create a profile online to find someone? I don't want to give her bad thoughts, I don't want to press her but without me, I'm not sure she will be as active that's needed.

So, advice please.

Does your wife WANT to have sex with other people? Taking one "for the team" isn't going to work, even if you really, really want it. It has to be something that she also wants to do.

What about if you read some books or listen to some podcasts together? Hearing some stories of other couples in the lifestyle might help you see the options that are available. Maybe one of them will appeal to her. Or maybe she'll find something else that appeals to her (like going to a sex club, but only playing with you. Or visiting a nude beach. Or posting an anonymous profile with some faceless pics). The key is to move at the pace of whoever is the "slowest" in your couple and to try things that feel good to both of you. Good luck.

[Lookingforadventure]

Hello VHWs

I’m hoping some of you will share something you remember vividly about the day you first slept with someone else. I’d love to hear about:

How the day felt, any mundane moments that suddenly felt different because of what was coming

Anything you remember about a particular contrast or tension between your normal 'role' and the one you were stepping into later?

The first time that day you noticed you were aroused, when you realised you were wet, what triggered it, where you were, who else was there, how did you feel in that moment?

The small choices you made to make sure he’d remember you?

What you kept for yourself afterwards, something you didn’t share with anyone

Please focus on something that resontes or feels most interesting to you, the one you’ve got the best story for.

I checked the forum and didn’t see anything quite like this. It definitely doesn’t seem to come up as often as size preference (which I’m sure is a fun one, but this is the stuff I’m really curious about).

Thanks for anything you’d like to share, especially if you’ve never put it into words before.

That's an interesting question. I wrote about my first experiences in my hotties thread. So if you want a more detailed answer, you can go there.

For me, I think the one take-away that I would focus on was the first time that I met a guy in person that I had been chatting with online. It was a spontaneous decision to meet him (he texted that he'd be at a park nearby if we wanted to meet in person). I was beyond nervous. And I was sure he'd be disappointed in me in some way. But he wasn't. And what was supposed to be just a meet and greet ended up with a blow job in the park. I felt so proud of myself for doing it. But I also loved the look on my husband's face afterwards. When we debriefed he was proud of me, and aroused by me. I loved that moment.

[Newbull]

Bull turned Cuck here. Beloved hotwives, when if ever, did you realize you owned not only hubby's cock, but one of your bull's cock as well?

[David001]

Thanks for your response, I think that was helpful, so I actually have an update (in kind of surprised that I do).

In the last few weeks, I had mentioned to my wife a couple of times, indirectly, the idea of her with someone else. I think she got the idea of where I was going, but put me off each time, it sounded like she was pretty turned off by the idea. I even tried to bring up role playing (something we used to do intermittently before), with her as her and me as someone else (boss, ex) and she agreed but by the time we got around to doing it, she would just say let’s have normal sex and that she wasn’t in the mood to ‘act’.

This weekend, we were just in bed. It was quite late, around 1:30. We had had a long day at the beach, and were quite tired. She is on her periods and we don’t normally do period sex. She asked for a back rub. I said I was quite tired, but she really wanted one. So I said sure, il give you a back rub if you dirty talk with me during, and she agreed.

Her: my boobs have gotten bigger. Don’t you think?
Me: really?
Her: yeah, check. I’m not wearing a bra
Me: (after feeling her boobs) yes, they have. They feel amazing with a bra
She: check from under my shirt. Also, check my ass also. Do you like it?
Me: Ofcourse babe, I love it. So, tell me a fantasy of yours.
She: what do you mean
Me: something you really want to do, but haven’t or can’t, and maybe think or fantasize about
Her: I really want you to give me the big O (we have been married for 6 plus years but she hasn’t really orgasmed. I’m a good size, but every time I try to go down on her or finger etc, she stops me pretty quickly and wants to get just fucked).
Me: you don’t let me do oral or finger you, that’s why
Her: hmm yeah, Iv heard that penetration only gets women to O 25% of the times. Would you like it if I wore a black, backless dress? Long, but no back.
Me: I would love it! I think it would make you look extremely sexy.
Her: tell me one of your fantasies
Me: (on purpose not talking about hotwifing) I think I’d enjoy you in blindfolds, hands tied up and just using sensory play. That would be hot!
Her: hmm, then long pause
Me: what happened to dirty talking?
Her: im trying to think of another fantasy. I’d be interested in forbidden sex.
Me: what do you mean? (Getting excited)
Her: having sex somewhere Wer not supposed to. Like airplane or library or something like that
Me: that’s hot, we should. But that’s not forbidden sex
Her: then what is? Like having sex with someone you’re not supposed to have sex with?
Me: that’s exactly what it is
Her: what do you think of a threesome?
Me: I’d love that. With 2 girls or 2 guys?
Her: with two guys
Me: I’d be open to that. What about you? Would you be okay with 2 girls?
Her: no
Me: what about 2 guys?
Her: yes (instant response)
Me: really?
Her: yes, I think everyone should get at least 3 free passes to explore other kinds of dick (I’m the only person she’s ever had sex with). But what if I like the other persons dick more? It would never be the same with you then.
Me: we could certainly start by fantasizing about it. What do you think?
Her: no I don’t like fantasy, I think it’s stupid. I think people should either do the real deal or nothing. Hahah. Would you be okay with that?
Me: babe, the idea of you getting fucked, hard, without any inhibition, and you letting your inner passion and slut coming out while you get dominated by someone who doesn’t care about you emotionally, is extremely hot for me. I love the fantasy, but after I cum I am not able to see myself going forward with it.
She: would you ever make out with a guy? In a threesome?
Me: no I wouldn’t. Is that what you want though? A threesome? You could suck my duck while the other guy fucks you
Her: no, I don’t want to be doing anything, I want to be the queen with all the attention on me
Me: that’s hot. We could even do dp or take turns
Her: maybe I’d want to do it on my own, without you there. You can help me find the guy though
Me: you’d want me to find the guy?
Her: yeah it would probably be difficult for me. Or I could go to a bar, that would probably work. Are there such things as male prostitutes?
Me: you know I am extremely turned on right now. Is this for real? Would you want to do it in real?
Her: haha, I think we have had enough for the night. Both of us know that neither of us is actually going to go ahead with this.
Me: but we can fantasize about it for now, to see how things go? Don’t you think?
Her: no, I don’t want to fantasize, I think that’s boring and it’s just not in me to pretend like that
Me: If I was okay with it though, would you be okay with me doing it with other girls?
Her: nope, you can’t, just me.
Me: can we fantasize about this more though?
Her: nope, and I think that’s enough! Let’s go to sleep!

That night, my sleep was extremely disturbed. I was in and out of sleep, I was disturbed by the fact that my wife was finally open to this idea, and scared of what would happen if she decided she wanted to go ahead with it but I didn’t. But also at the same time, I kept imagining what it would be like, if I was okay with this happening in just fantasy or real. I was turned on the whole night, woke up with a boner three times and masterbated each time thinking of her with another man. When I woke up, I was more open to doing this in real then I have ever been before, but I was till not open to it at all. I loved the fantasy and it excited me a lot. We did some morning cuddle time, brought this up again, but only for a short time and she was like I think we’ve done this enough for now; I didn’t push it. Since then, I haven’t talked about it and neither has she. For the first couple of hours that morning I felt a little embarrassed but it’s been normal since. I’m pretty alpha otherwise in life, and we came back to it. Met a friend with a hot namny and jokes about that. Went for brunch. Did the usual things. But that conversation was extremely, extremely turning on. I was in a different world! Do you guys think she was just dirty talking because she knows it turns me on? Or does she really want this? How much can I push her before the point of no return? Have the people had similar experiences and feelings and did they actually go ahead with the real deal without much time in fantasy?

[fantasie95]

My question is ... is it normal that I enjoy doing this? And do hotwifes enjoy having thier husbands sucking their pussy after another man just fucked her and emptied all of his cum inside of her? Or am I out here by myself on this topic?

Hi, youre definitely not by yourself & it's VERY NORMAL that a cuckold oriented husband likes, & even craves, that! Mine wont let me be until his face is buried in my pussy kissing licking & sucking me clean, and truthfully it turns me on so much that the man who loves me wants me like that, that he gives me a more intense orgasm than I have from the actual sex with my other man. Dont worry about it, just enjoy it!

[Drakebelg]

Question: Should she include in her profile that she is a size queen or not? This is waht she says not at all me.
My wife says in her seacrh for a third she wants guys about 8.5+. I'm 7x5.5 but she wants a good bit longer than me, and preferrably not thinner. She said at least similar length to the 9" sleeve we use.

Hmmm, difficult. I think not that to start off, it be might good to meet some men she finds attractive and see if the cock size really does matter and then take the big ones when they apprear.
My wife is looking for her first third. She might have one due to a chance meet up on a flight but it might take time due to where he lives, but she said she is sure he is really hung. At the same she is on SDC, so i am wondering should she put sizequeen in her profile?

[Tryagain]

But of course!

[HotwifeBabs]

Question: Should she include in her profile that she is a size queen or not? This is waht she says not at all me.
My wife says in her seacrh for a third she wants guys about 8.5+. I'm 7x5.5 but she wants a good bit longer than me, and preferrably not thinner. She said at least similar length to the 9" sleeve we use.

Hmmm, difficult. I think not that to start off, it be might good to meet some men she finds attractive and see if the cock size really does matter and then take the big ones when they apprear.
My wife is looking for her first third. She might have one due to a chance meet up on a flight but it might take time due to where he lives, but she said she is sure he is really hung. At the same she is on SDC, so i am wondering should she put sizequeen in her profile?

If that's what she is looking for than yes she should be upfront about it. She's looking for a fwb/lover, not a husband.

But of course!

Get verified, ask a question, or stop posting.

[MrGirthy]

How have you dealt with crises in your marriage? I have seen many open or cuckold couples who split up or divorce fairly soon after entering the lifestyle.

[HotwifeBabs]

It depends on the crisis. A crisis due to playing with others? When that has come up we stop the play and get back to us before we start again. It's frustrating but my husband comes first. One time I had just gotten back from my second time with this amazing lover. I confided in my husband that "I think I found the one", meaning the guy I would like to have an ongoing affair with. That must've bothered my husband because he got weird and didn't want me to see the guy for a while. So I didn't, I did see the guy 3 more times but it was after a 6 month break and by then the NRE had worn off for all parties.

[Drakebelg]

Her first potential FWB suggested they meet in his home city (1.5hr flight) for a night or 2, or they meet in a city in europe for a night or 2 (1.5 hour flight), while he is there on a business trip.
A week ago my and her reaction was no, but in a week we've moved forward, their calls, sexting, my acceptance and trust in her, she shows me all the texts, how she manages him and keeps him on the "pure sex" path has made that barrier smaller. In 4 weeks they've talked for 2 hours on a flight, about 2 hours of video calls, and 100s of sexting. He has a semi public very respected profile.
Should we do this? Safety wise we both are confident. Keeping it to sex only was a must, but already i and she thinks this could be a flexible point. We've talked about it a lot and she believes if she falls in love i will be there to help her, and console her if it ends.

[HotwifeBabs]

I would be very hesitant traveling that far to meet a stranger, in fact I wouldn't even consider it. There is way too many risks involved. Is he who he really says he is? Is it an elaborate ruse and she will be kidnapped and God know what happens.

[my805wife]

I have given my wife permission to go out and fuck any guy she wants as long as she lets me know before and either takes pics, video or FaceTimes you or we can do it in person together.... so far she has not taken me up on the offer yet, but it makes her so turned on when we talk about doing it during ssex..... Not sure how else to tell her it's ok to fuck random guys or to fuck them in front of me..??

We have done a swingers resort before and played with a few couples while there but it has been a while and it wasn't a cuck/stag/hotwife thing, just swinging.

[HotwifeBabs]

I have given my wife permission to go out and fuck any guy she wants as long as she lets me know before and either takes pics, video or FaceTimes you or we can do it in person together.... so far she has not taken me up on the offer yet, but it makes her so turned on when we talk about doing it during ssex..... Not sure how else to tell her it's ok to fuck random guys or to fuck them in front of me..??

We have done a swingers resort before and played with a few couples while there but it has been a while and it wasn't a cuck/stag/hotwife thing, just swinging.

Beyond condoning it, have you asked her if she wants to sleep with other men? If so did you two discuss a plan on how to make it happen?

[Drakebelg]

What's the hotwives opinions on having sex on the first meet? My wife's and I think if it really clicks, then go for it.

My wife is a beginner (for now solodating) and with her first meetup with a "vanilla" man af few weeks ago. It was sexually disappointing. Random meetup, attraction, 4 weeks with lots of sexting, video calls, etc..... She was extremely excited (burning hhot lust) and when it came to the date he disappointed her. Wasn't a great kisser, wasn't great in oral, not assertive enough and finally couldn't keep it up when putting on the condom. Damn, was/is she sexually frustrated. He lit a fire in her though. She realises now she was burning from lust due to the adventure, fantasy and freedom but he didn't match her sexaully.

So now via a lifestyle site, she has 3, and almost 4 first dates lined up in the next 2 weeks, with experienced lifestyle men that have great validations. If there is a click and he treats her well, is seducitive, she is ready to take the next step if it's suitable for her/us. Whether that's just kissing and etc... or moving to a hotel room she will decide then are calling me. I will be very nearby waiting for whatever she decides.

[HotwifeBabs]

First off, sorry to hear about her bad time. It happens and will happen again if you continue on with this lifestyle. There is also the no-shows. They want to chat endlessly, exchange pictures but when it comes time to show up they bail/flake out.

There is nothing wrong with having sex on the first date. As long as she is safe and comfortable with the person.

[TrojanHorse]

So my wife has been talking about sleeping with other men for 5+ years now, and it's mostly roleplaying in the bedroom, but then she asks, I really want to do it, when are we going to do it? We should do it. On the other hand, she is very picky and probably doesn't like 99% of men, either their personality, or for sex. Also, how do I know if I'm ready? I get really turned on about the idea and always say, yes I'm down for that, but I can't really get myself to get that process started because personally, it feels a little emasculating. So we both just talk about it but neither makes any effort to go further.

[HotwifeBabs]

If you're not sure you are ready then you need to do some real soul searching before you dip your toe in.
You say your wife asks you if you really want it, she may be testing the waters for your reaction.
You also say she is very picky, so am I, and that's not a bad thing. If she is going to play she wants that play partner to be exceptional and not settle. She already has her #1 one at home (You).
Don't feel emasculated, this lifestyle is as much if not more psychological as it is physical. For you to let go control and allow her to enjoy someone else is a huge step. Go slow, once you and her cross that line you can never uncross it, and that's something you'll both have to accept. But if you do do it and one of you regrets its that isn't the other ones fault. If that happens you'll both need each other to heal more than ever.
Lastly, it's ok to leave some fantasies in your head.

[coastalkid]

Don't feel emasculated, this lifestyle is as much if not more psychological as it is physical.

I really liked your answer to TrojanHorse but it made me wonder about the "psychological" aspect. I've always felt like the experience for the husband/cuckold has a potent mental/emotional side. Clearly you are aware of that aspect enough to acknowledge it. What do you specifically do to when you see signs of the "psychological" affecting your husband in an bad way? I wonder if wives/gfs ever feel a greater sense of responsibility in this area or do they resort to, "You were the one that wanted this, deal with it!"

[HotwifeBabs]

Don't feel emasculated, this lifestyle is as much if not more psychological as it is physical.

I really liked your answer to TrojanHorse but it made me wonder about the "psychological" aspect. I've always felt like the experience for the husband/cuckold has a potent mental/emotional side. Clearly you are aware of that aspect enough to acknowledge it. What do you specifically do to when you see signs of the "psychological" affecting your husband in an bad way? I wonder if wives/gfs ever feel a greater sense of responsibility in this area or do they resort to, "You were the one that wanted this, deal with it!"

That's really hard to answer.
The psychological aspect for me is the empowerment it gives me over my husband and the other guy to some respect. I have a part of me that is a bit dominant and this lifestyle allows me to explore that.
As for my husband his interest varies. Sometimes he is really interested and other times he just seems to not care. (You can read about it in my thread)
I do make sure he is in a good spot if I'm going to go play. If he is feeling down or something is bothering him I make sure and wait until I know he is in the right mindset to allow me to carry on. He is #1 in my life.

[coastalkid]

Don't feel emasculated, this lifestyle is as much if not more psychological as it is physical.

I really liked your answer to TrojanHorse but it made me wonder about the "psychological" aspect. I've always felt like the experience for the husband/cuckold has a potent mental/emotional side. Clearly you are aware of that aspect enough to acknowledge it. What do you specifically do to when you see signs of the "psychological" affecting your husband in an bad way? I wonder if wives/gfs ever feel a greater sense of responsibility in this area or do they resort to, "You were the one that wanted this, deal with it!"

That's really hard to answer.
The psychological aspect for me is the empowerment it gives me over my husband and the other guy to some respect. I have a part of me that is a bit dominant and this lifestyle allows me to explore that.
As for my husband his interest varies. Sometimes he is really interested and other times he just seems to not care. (You can read about it in my thread)
I do make sure he is in a good spot if I'm going to go play. If he is feeling down or something is bothering him I make sure and wait until I know he is in the right mindset to allow me to carry on. He is #1 in my life.

Thank you! I'm grateful for your answer, truly. I understand why it isn't an easy question to answer. The empowerment thing is a critical part of the dynamic. If it's done wrong it can be devastating. It is comforting to me that you are sensitive to the state of mind of your husband. It says a lot about your character! I understand that not all wives/gfs handle this the way you do.

[HotwifeBabs]

Thank you for the kind words.

[Cuckcop]

Wow, I just finished all 124 pages. I don’t have a question, I just wanted to express my admiration to all the wonderful Hot Wives who selflessly devoted so much of their time and thoughtfulness to help complete strangers work their way through this journey. Well done ladies, thank you!