larryt wrote: ↑Mon May 23, 2022 6:41 am
Given what you’ve said about her feeling that she can’t count on you in the long term, I wonder if she feels that you might be trying to get rid of her?
And maybe she sees jealousy as a sign that you care?
But perhaps jealousy for you turns into hornyness, as it does with many cuckolds. If so, you should tell her this! It would be hot if she took some tiny steps to make you jealous by flirting with the neighbor. Do you know him well enough to invite him for dinner or something?
I don't think she sees this as my attempt to get rid of her, but in general she just didn't have confidence in my commitment to being around long term. Her thoughts are certainly justified. Although I've spent the better part of 10 years wishing she'd be my hotwife or turn me into a cuck, I've spent my fair share of time looking at other women, talking about other women and basically acting more like a "hothusband" if that's a term.
Our dynamic in that sense just grew naturally out of the way our friendship developed into a relationship. Before we dated I would talk about other girls, she would point out other girls (knowing I would find them anyway) and she always just handled it so well that when our friendship turned into a relationship and eventually a marriage she didn't really ask me to stop the talks, jokes or giving the looks and it just continued. Looking back at it I don't feel great about it at all. On one hand its great to be so open and comfortable with each other, on the other hand it was disrespectful and lead to her feelings that I would eventually leave her for someone else.
That all said, when I first brought up the idea of her becoming a hotwife it was because I was wanting her to do something to get my attention and focus 100% back on her. I wanted to stop being distracted, I wanted to feel heavy attraction, angst and even some vulnerability in our relationship. For years she just took that as a sign that I wasn't capable of being jealous and that I just wanted her to turn me on. The reality was that not only is the nature of her becoming a hotwife and gaining confidence in herself a turn-on, but the jealousy that would come of it enhanced that turn-on so much more. I know that she now knows that, and she feels satisfaction and has gained confidence in the fact that she can make me jealous.
So as Ive mentioned, our relationship over the past few months has been better than ever because I've put a lot more focus and energy on her and done more to assure her that shes in a stable and loving relationship. Whats kind of bothering me now (and this is 100% my own issue, and likely not a legitimate issue to her or most others) is that I haven't been able to give her a big earth shattering orgasm in almost 2 months AND she rarely seems to WANT sex. Now let me elaborate a bit. We've probably been having 2-3 times more sex in the past few months than we had been having, she enjoys it and does claim to have smaller orgasms which she says fulfills her need. But, although shes willing to have sex and doesn't not want to, she doesn't actually WANT it and never seems to be horny and needing it. And in terms of her big orgasms she use to have them every other time or every third time we would have sex, but now we've gone nearly two months without her having the really big one that either leaves her asking for more or too tired to go on.
It bothers me because A) sex for US has always been very important to me and B) if I've become a better husband and partner, my hope is that my spouse WANTS to have sex with me more and isn't just a spouse that is more willing to have sex than she was before... I hope that makes sense. In a way its hurting my confidence a bit and making me question myself or her sexual happiness and makes me feel a bit like a cuck without actually being a cuck. From beginning to end this is all probably me just overthinking, but trying to figure this thing out one way or another sure makes for a wild ride.